Paul.jnxy
I pin and then I stim
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2026
- Posts
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You will need to read yesterdays thread to understand what’s going on currently:
Let's get down to what actually happened:
I had school late today, although I was already up at 6:30 in the morning in the basement pinning. My infection has gotten noticeably better recently, so I resumed pinning.
I left the house thinking nothing could go worse than yesterday. I walked about halfway to school when a friend's car, allegedly, drove past me. This really cute girl who was in my class last year was allegedly in it.
Quick time skip into the future. Around lunch, she messaged me on WhatsApp saying that she had allegedly waved at me and that she was in that car. Keep this in mind. (Hold on to this thought for now.)
I got to the building where my IT class is. There were, like, an entire class of 20 people waiting on a block right in front of the building. Something like this:
Unbeknownst to me, a girl I was kind of messaging with as friends (she has a boyfriend) and who wanted to set me up with somebody she knew (probably as a prank; I have good reason to believe this is false) called my name. I didn't think she was calling me, so I ignored it, although I had heard it. She then called my name again, and I knew it was for me. So I turned my head around. Exactly at that moment, the entire class fell completely silent and looked at me.
I had the most awkward expression and completely fumbled over saying a simple hello and waving. I feel like I couldn't have done it worse if I had tried. My wave had this feeling of autism and awkwardness to it. Next to her was her friend, who went out with the exact guy that the girl calling my name went out with (she is like 12 cm taller than my friend).
All eyes were on me, and I looked as awkward and terrible as I possibly could have. I had forgotten my diuretics, so I was giga-bloated from the 50 mg of MK, and my clothes were shit because I had to rush to school after LDARing on this forum, so I was already stressed. Everybody was watching me, and I hated it. I can't live with myself anymore.
On top of this, I forgot my homework for biochem, which I am actually excelling at, and that made me feel horrible. Right as I was explaining to the teacher, who is pretty chill about me, why I had forgotten my homework, my nose suddenly started bleeding really fucking hard, completely out of nowhere. I hate erda-nosebleeds.
So I went to the toilet without even being excused, and I just cried for two minutes, staring at my subhuman face in the mirror. I then got myself together and decided to go back to class, pretending nothing had happened.
The moment couldn't have been worse. I felt a tingling in my left eye for a second (it might have been placebo or whatever), and it HURT. I held it tightly with my left arm, tears went down my left eye, and I fell to the ground on my knees.
Right there and then, this really cute girl who completely ignored me yesterday (read my linked thread) walked up the stairs right where I was, on my knees, hopelessly holding my stinging eye. She and her friend saw me.
I didn't look up, so I can't tell for sure, but she most definitely was disgusted by me. A hopeless genetic dead-end, outsider, loser who is doing anything to change his fate in a world where it's futile to fight against your genes. I can't imagine a more disgusting individual than myself. I should just rope.
Two minutes later, I was just swept of all emotions at once. I felt a total emptiness. I cannot explain this feeling, even if I tried millions of times. (E2 Trvke)
When I got back to class, I sat down and just stopped physically feeling. An hour after that (it was a double lesson), I asked a girl who is the best friend of the girl, of the girl who said she waved at me from the car, what car that girl has. She said she thinks it's a red Tesla.
I then asked the other girl on WhatsApp what kind of car she waved from. She said a black Mercedes-Benz.
Suifuel.
She most probably straightup lied to make fun of me.
After our last lesson of the day, math, two girls in my class who share the same way home from school decided to talk with me.
I felt like they were mocking me the entire time. I can't really explain it. They asked me questions about myself and laughed every time I gave an answer (dishonest, of course, I don't like people knowing too much about me).
It wasn't the kind of laughter a slayer would get for "Can I get another mango?"
It was the type of laugh that people would give when teasing the severely autistic kid.
I hate school with every ounce of my subhuman body.
I am the perfect embodiment of existential hopelessness.
When will the suffering stop?
TL
R:
Tags: @zennn @Niebvll @ANON @Vrilltrum
Let's get down to what actually happened:
I had school late today, although I was already up at 6:30 in the morning in the basement pinning. My infection has gotten noticeably better recently, so I resumed pinning.
I left the house thinking nothing could go worse than yesterday. I walked about halfway to school when a friend's car, allegedly, drove past me. This really cute girl who was in my class last year was allegedly in it.
Quick time skip into the future. Around lunch, she messaged me on WhatsApp saying that she had allegedly waved at me and that she was in that car. Keep this in mind. (Hold on to this thought for now.)
I got to the building where my IT class is. There were, like, an entire class of 20 people waiting on a block right in front of the building. Something like this:
Unbeknownst to me, a girl I was kind of messaging with as friends (she has a boyfriend) and who wanted to set me up with somebody she knew (probably as a prank; I have good reason to believe this is false) called my name. I didn't think she was calling me, so I ignored it, although I had heard it. She then called my name again, and I knew it was for me. So I turned my head around. Exactly at that moment, the entire class fell completely silent and looked at me.
I had the most awkward expression and completely fumbled over saying a simple hello and waving. I feel like I couldn't have done it worse if I had tried. My wave had this feeling of autism and awkwardness to it. Next to her was her friend, who went out with the exact guy that the girl calling my name went out with (she is like 12 cm taller than my friend).
All eyes were on me, and I looked as awkward and terrible as I possibly could have. I had forgotten my diuretics, so I was giga-bloated from the 50 mg of MK, and my clothes were shit because I had to rush to school after LDARing on this forum, so I was already stressed. Everybody was watching me, and I hated it. I can't live with myself anymore.
On top of this, I forgot my homework for biochem, which I am actually excelling at, and that made me feel horrible. Right as I was explaining to the teacher, who is pretty chill about me, why I had forgotten my homework, my nose suddenly started bleeding really fucking hard, completely out of nowhere. I hate erda-nosebleeds.
So I went to the toilet without even being excused, and I just cried for two minutes, staring at my subhuman face in the mirror. I then got myself together and decided to go back to class, pretending nothing had happened.
The moment couldn't have been worse. I felt a tingling in my left eye for a second (it might have been placebo or whatever), and it HURT. I held it tightly with my left arm, tears went down my left eye, and I fell to the ground on my knees.
Right there and then, this really cute girl who completely ignored me yesterday (read my linked thread) walked up the stairs right where I was, on my knees, hopelessly holding my stinging eye. She and her friend saw me.
I didn't look up, so I can't tell for sure, but she most definitely was disgusted by me. A hopeless genetic dead-end, outsider, loser who is doing anything to change his fate in a world where it's futile to fight against your genes. I can't imagine a more disgusting individual than myself. I should just rope.
Two minutes later, I was just swept of all emotions at once. I felt a total emptiness. I cannot explain this feeling, even if I tried millions of times. (E2 Trvke)
When I got back to class, I sat down and just stopped physically feeling. An hour after that (it was a double lesson), I asked a girl who is the best friend of the girl, of the girl who said she waved at me from the car, what car that girl has. She said she thinks it's a red Tesla.
I then asked the other girl on WhatsApp what kind of car she waved from. She said a black Mercedes-Benz.
Suifuel.
She most probably straightup lied to make fun of me.
After our last lesson of the day, math, two girls in my class who share the same way home from school decided to talk with me.
I felt like they were mocking me the entire time. I can't really explain it. They asked me questions about myself and laughed every time I gave an answer (dishonest, of course, I don't like people knowing too much about me).
It wasn't the kind of laughter a slayer would get for "Can I get another mango?"
It was the type of laugh that people would give when teasing the severely autistic kid.
I hate school with every ounce of my subhuman body.
I am the perfect embodiment of existential hopelessness.
When will the suffering stop?
TL
R:ChatGPT:
Resumed pinning after my infection improved. On the way to school, a girl I used to have in class allegedly waved at me from a friend's car. At IT, another girl called my name in front of ~20 people; I turned around and completely fumbled the greeting while everyone stared. I later forgot my biochem homework, got a severe nosebleed, cried in the bathroom, then had sudden pain in my left eye and ended up on my knees, where the cute girl who ignored me the day before saw me. Later, conflicting answers about the car made me think the first girl had lied about waving. After math, two girls talked to me on the way home and laughed at my answers, which I suspected was mocking. At least I have a couple of friends now.
Note: Makes it sound a lot more chill then it was for sure
Resumed pinning after my infection improved. On the way to school, a girl I used to have in class allegedly waved at me from a friend's car. At IT, another girl called my name in front of ~20 people; I turned around and completely fumbled the greeting while everyone stared. I later forgot my biochem homework, got a severe nosebleed, cried in the bathroom, then had sudden pain in my left eye and ended up on my knees, where the cute girl who ignored me the day before saw me. Later, conflicting answers about the car made me think the first girl had lied about waving. After math, two girls talked to me on the way home and laughed at my answers, which I suspected was mocking. At least I have a couple of friends now.
Note: Makes it sound a lot more chill then it was for sure
Tags: @zennn @Niebvll @ANON @Vrilltrum
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