currymaxxer888
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This is direct text not from me, from clavicular's friend
inb4 “DNR”, just go read the TLDR at the bottom if you don’t want to read it all
it was like halfway through sophomore year, i started noticing something off about claicular. we were tight since middle school, did everything together, played games, watched anime, talked shit about girls, all that. he was my ride or die, the only guy who didn’t act like a total faggot all the time. we’d chill after school, play overwatch, talk about our future goals, shit like that. honestly, looking back, i think he might have had some feelings for me for a while and i just didn’t notice because i’m low iq.
one day he randomly asked me if i ever thought about dudes like that. i laughed it off and said "nah bro" and he just kind of awkwardly changed the subject. didn't think much of it until a few weeks later when he started acting weird around me. like he'd get really quiet whenever i mentioned girls, or if i made a joke about him having a crush on someone. he also stopped coming over as much, which confused the hell out of me.
then one day, outta nowhere, he texts me "bro can we talk abt sum stuff?" so we hopped on discord and he told me he thinks he's bi. i didn’t even know what to say. i tried to be chill about it, like "aight bro no judgment", but deep down i was kinda confused why he was telling me this specifically. then he drops the bomb: he’s had a crush on me for like a year now.
i legit froze. not because i was disgusted or anything, but because i realized how blind i was. all those times he acted weird, all those hints, i completely missed them. and worst part? i felt bad because i couldn’t return the feelings. i told him i still wanted us to be friends, and he said he understood, but things were never the same after that.
he started hanging out with this other dude from class who was openly gay and they became super close. like, texted each other 24/7, called each other pet names, went on walks together, all that. i wasn’t mad, but i was confused. why didn’t he ever act like that around me?
then i found out he officially came out as gay. not even a month after he told me about his crush on me. that’s when it hit me: i was just the safe option. the straight friend he could test his feelings on before actually embracing who he was. and once he got confidence from that, he moved on to someone who could actually give him what he needed.
i guess i just feel like an idiot for not seeing it sooner. i used to think i was the cool guy who could handle anything, but now i feel like the last person to know everything about everyone. i also feel bad because he probably felt alone during all that, and i didn’t even realize it. i miss our friendship, but i also know it’s not coming back the way it was.
TL;DR: Claicular had a crush on me, told me he was bi/gay, i didn’t reciprocate, he moved on to another dude, realized i was just his stepping stone into accepting himself, felt like a dumbass for not seeing it earlier, now i’m just here reflecting like a loser
inb4 “DNR”, just go read the TLDR at the bottom if you don’t want to read it all
it was like halfway through sophomore year, i started noticing something off about claicular. we were tight since middle school, did everything together, played games, watched anime, talked shit about girls, all that. he was my ride or die, the only guy who didn’t act like a total faggot all the time. we’d chill after school, play overwatch, talk about our future goals, shit like that. honestly, looking back, i think he might have had some feelings for me for a while and i just didn’t notice because i’m low iq.
one day he randomly asked me if i ever thought about dudes like that. i laughed it off and said "nah bro" and he just kind of awkwardly changed the subject. didn't think much of it until a few weeks later when he started acting weird around me. like he'd get really quiet whenever i mentioned girls, or if i made a joke about him having a crush on someone. he also stopped coming over as much, which confused the hell out of me.
then one day, outta nowhere, he texts me "bro can we talk abt sum stuff?" so we hopped on discord and he told me he thinks he's bi. i didn’t even know what to say. i tried to be chill about it, like "aight bro no judgment", but deep down i was kinda confused why he was telling me this specifically. then he drops the bomb: he’s had a crush on me for like a year now.
i legit froze. not because i was disgusted or anything, but because i realized how blind i was. all those times he acted weird, all those hints, i completely missed them. and worst part? i felt bad because i couldn’t return the feelings. i told him i still wanted us to be friends, and he said he understood, but things were never the same after that.
he started hanging out with this other dude from class who was openly gay and they became super close. like, texted each other 24/7, called each other pet names, went on walks together, all that. i wasn’t mad, but i was confused. why didn’t he ever act like that around me?
then i found out he officially came out as gay. not even a month after he told me about his crush on me. that’s when it hit me: i was just the safe option. the straight friend he could test his feelings on before actually embracing who he was. and once he got confidence from that, he moved on to someone who could actually give him what he needed.
i guess i just feel like an idiot for not seeing it sooner. i used to think i was the cool guy who could handle anything, but now i feel like the last person to know everything about everyone. i also feel bad because he probably felt alone during all that, and i didn’t even realize it. i miss our friendship, but i also know it’s not coming back the way it was.
TL;DR: Claicular had a crush on me, told me he was bi/gay, i didn’t reciprocate, he moved on to another dude, realized i was just his stepping stone into accepting himself, felt like a dumbass for not seeing it earlier, now i’m just here reflecting like a loser
