T
Turtle
Silver
- Joined
- Jun 1, 2020
- Posts
- 597
- Reputation
- 1,605
I can't take the fucking stares anymore
Every time I go outside it's always the same disgusted creeped out fucking stare, whenever this happens I immediately go back home and drink because it makes me forget about how fucking creepy everyone finds me for a moment, just a moment but it's absolutely bliss, as soon as the booze hits I just stop caring about the fact that random people irl are thinking I'm creepy and giving me disgusted looks for something that literally isn't my fault and I have absolutely zero control over, I didn't fucking choose this face or to be autistic and to have tourettes, and literally everyone just acts disgusted as fuck because of it, they look at me like I'm literal fucking vermin
There's just absolutely no way I can ever make it through life sober, I feel too much, unlike some other unfortunate people i just simply lack the ability to not be bothered by it, it just fucking gnaws and gnaws at my soul until I understandably drink to take the pain away, it's a horrible cycle, I go outside to the gym or to the store or just for a walk in the park whilst sober and with forced optimism that maybe it really is just in my head, and then I get the most repulsed stares from people and I inevitably end up getting wrecked and listening to shitty ass music, anything to make me forget about the pain of being someone who just creeps the fuck out of every single human around me
Wtf do I do guys? I can never ever deal with the agony of this sober, I will always need some kind of crutch to numb these excruciating fucking emotions that I get from the stares, I don't see a way out besides becoming full on junkie or literally just ending things tbh, I'm fully aware of where I stand in society, other people have made that extremely clear to me
Every time I go outside it's always the same disgusted creeped out fucking stare, whenever this happens I immediately go back home and drink because it makes me forget about how fucking creepy everyone finds me for a moment, just a moment but it's absolutely bliss, as soon as the booze hits I just stop caring about the fact that random people irl are thinking I'm creepy and giving me disgusted looks for something that literally isn't my fault and I have absolutely zero control over, I didn't fucking choose this face or to be autistic and to have tourettes, and literally everyone just acts disgusted as fuck because of it, they look at me like I'm literal fucking vermin
There's just absolutely no way I can ever make it through life sober, I feel too much, unlike some other unfortunate people i just simply lack the ability to not be bothered by it, it just fucking gnaws and gnaws at my soul until I understandably drink to take the pain away, it's a horrible cycle, I go outside to the gym or to the store or just for a walk in the park whilst sober and with forced optimism that maybe it really is just in my head, and then I get the most repulsed stares from people and I inevitably end up getting wrecked and listening to shitty ass music, anything to make me forget about the pain of being someone who just creeps the fuck out of every single human around me
Wtf do I do guys? I can never ever deal with the agony of this sober, I will always need some kind of crutch to numb these excruciating fucking emotions that I get from the stares, I don't see a way out besides becoming full on junkie or literally just ending things tbh, I'm fully aware of where I stand in society, other people have made that extremely clear to me
