B
BatmanBegins
Iron
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2020
- Posts
- 97
- Reputation
- 127
I've always been undersized since I can remember. I remember feeling short once I entered high school, even to kids my age.
However, it didn't bother me that much back then, because:
1) Growing up in SEA, it's not everyday I see white people, so 95% of girls in my school was always shorter than me.
2) I didn't remember girls drooling over a guy because he's tall and big, it's always due to his face. In fact, there were plenty of tall idiots, tall legit autistic kids. It simply was not the main attractive quality in a boy back then.
However, I still thought about it once every few years but chose to ignore the problem, because:
1) I actually had a different issue growing up so I believe I didn't want to validate this height problem, because that'd double my pain.
Life was very hard back then. Every morning I woke up, I just wanted to survive the day. I didn't have a chance to worry about being a slayer when I turn 18.
2) Because I was still growing. I used to believe that we grow until 21-25.
And my mother, she used to say that I'm gonna be tall, at least like my father. When I asked her why this guy is much taller than me when he's younger. She said that everyone grows at different rates. So he just hit his growth sport earlier whereas you're gonna hit your growth spurt pretty late. I just believed her, didn't question much. I honestly never thought that ending up the height I am now was even a possibility.
So I was free to do everything that can stunt my growth, including sleeping 0-2 hours every night, being depressed and not eating properly.
There's really nothing monitoring my height back then. I didn't go to doctors to see if I grew properly.
Until in 2009, at 16, I began to worry about it seeing that I was still incredibly small at 5'4". So I went to a special clinic and had x-ray. Again, it's not a common procedure here, I am probably the only one I know in real life that did it.
At that time, my life's state:
1. White girls weren't still in my universe.
2. Premarital sex wasn't a possibility yet. I just wanted to finish school, get a job, get married and go to church.
But once the doctor looked at the x-ray and told me I just had 6-9 months left to grow when I was just 5'4.5", I went home, slammed the door, locked myself in the room and cried.
That is without me knowing the things I do now.
And 11 years later, my world is entirely different than the world I lived back then. I understand now that height is a lot more significant than I initially thought.
Once I asked my mother and aunt, what if sleep deprivation and depression caused by school did harm my growth. They said for men, money is the only thing that matters.
This response really disturbed me. Even until a decade later.
However, it didn't bother me that much back then, because:
1) Growing up in SEA, it's not everyday I see white people, so 95% of girls in my school was always shorter than me.
2) I didn't remember girls drooling over a guy because he's tall and big, it's always due to his face. In fact, there were plenty of tall idiots, tall legit autistic kids. It simply was not the main attractive quality in a boy back then.
However, I still thought about it once every few years but chose to ignore the problem, because:
1) I actually had a different issue growing up so I believe I didn't want to validate this height problem, because that'd double my pain.
Life was very hard back then. Every morning I woke up, I just wanted to survive the day. I didn't have a chance to worry about being a slayer when I turn 18.
2) Because I was still growing. I used to believe that we grow until 21-25.
And my mother, she used to say that I'm gonna be tall, at least like my father. When I asked her why this guy is much taller than me when he's younger. She said that everyone grows at different rates. So he just hit his growth sport earlier whereas you're gonna hit your growth spurt pretty late. I just believed her, didn't question much. I honestly never thought that ending up the height I am now was even a possibility.
So I was free to do everything that can stunt my growth, including sleeping 0-2 hours every night, being depressed and not eating properly.
There's really nothing monitoring my height back then. I didn't go to doctors to see if I grew properly.
Until in 2009, at 16, I began to worry about it seeing that I was still incredibly small at 5'4". So I went to a special clinic and had x-ray. Again, it's not a common procedure here, I am probably the only one I know in real life that did it.
At that time, my life's state:
1. White girls weren't still in my universe.
2. Premarital sex wasn't a possibility yet. I just wanted to finish school, get a job, get married and go to church.
But once the doctor looked at the x-ray and told me I just had 6-9 months left to grow when I was just 5'4.5", I went home, slammed the door, locked myself in the room and cried.
That is without me knowing the things I do now.
And 11 years later, my world is entirely different than the world I lived back then. I understand now that height is a lot more significant than I initially thought.
Once I asked my mother and aunt, what if sleep deprivation and depression caused by school did harm my growth. They said for men, money is the only thing that matters.
This response really disturbed me. Even until a decade later.
