How I discovered blackpill and its effects on my mental health since 2019 (LONG personal story)

[DoctorPMA]

Blackpill has a lot of brutal truths. I have discovered it years ago as you can tell by my join date. At the beginning it was great because I finally got a concrete answer as to why it is so difficult to get a girl to like you and what it is that I am missing. As some of you know I struggled with bloated face for years and it was very demotivating to lose weight because I was a good boy growing up so the only cope that I could rely on was food and video games. I was a late bloomer in a semi strict household so I did not go out and party early. I only started getting attention from women when my face became slightly more defined at the age of 18 -19. In high school looking back I did get some major IOIs but I totally missed them as the concept of a women being interested in me seemed not plausible in my mind which was depressing due to horrible self esteem in terms of attraction. Granted I had no game anyways so no high school romance experience for me.

After high school I was living an incel lifestyle for sometime. VIRGIN just working at a trash job and playing vidya games and maybe gym sometimes. I was looking around at pickup videos but I always found them cringe and would imagine every girl rejecting me anyways so I didn't even bother trying. This was the time when I discovered blackpill and inceldom through Saint Hamudi and Face and LMS (OGs know these). I was hooked on it because it seemed like the truth that would dispel the confusion on as to why I am not a desirable human being to an opposite sex. So I joined looksmaxing forum in 2019 and it changed the way I view the world for the negative but it was very eye opening to my dumbass.

As the time went on I naturally got more confident in myself and eventually started talking with a super hot Russian chick from my business class. She was way above my league and I was in disbelief that she was even chatting with me let alone going out downtown and having fun at bars and concerts. Walking by in a sidewalk I notice people looking at her in awe. She looked like Dasha Tarran but shorter. I was nervous, no game, but I was not too bad socially so I was entertaining enough to get her to giggle and stick around for some dates and chats. Im not gonna tell the whole story but I ended up getting friendzoned which I totally deserved cuz I was a loser at the time and there was no way I could sustain her anyways. It was painful because she was giving me obvious IOIs but I was not confident and cringe and did not know how to excelate as I had little to no experience. This really was a canon event that imprinted in my mind that I CAN score girls of that calubur but if I listened to blackpill by that definition I was mtn and I would have NO CHANCE TO EVEN TALK TO HER. I also have had some other experienceds with girls but thats a story for another day.

Fast forward I got a new marketing agency job in a small company where it is a much more social working environment. I started gymcelling with my friend too but my face was still a mtn at best in my blackpilled mind. There were many women there that I had to interact with so overtime I learned how they act and what to say to be seen a "normal chill funny guy" in the workplace because I was so concerned to be seen as a non chad insecure subhuman. Thankfully everything went great and I befriended pretty much every girl there overtime. Then I discovered john zherka and holy shit did he change my life when it comes to women. I watched all his content and applied it in real life. Obviously I did not do nothing crazy as I was at work but the new confident mentality I cultivated has lead me to become more of a man.

Soon enough women started to joke around with me, invite me to their parties and I even got to smash few of them with out any effort. Several months later I got a hot gf. Life was good and for some time I forgot about all this blackpill shit as I was living lavish. After a few years of dating, my gf broke up with me because of mental illness and It was the worst I have ever felt psychologically. Then the blackpill hit me hard. Once you get something amazing and it gets taken away it feels worse than never having it. I did not see a future with her so I guess that heartbreak was not as devastating as it could have been.

I am writing this to warn newcommers that this pesemistic way of thinking will bite you in the future. Do not take any of the negative ideology from here because after some time your mind WILL get tainted, you just dont know it yet because its happening slowly in your subconcious. I got rated as an average guy at best but in real life when I followed actual good advice I had way better results than "its over" content that is around here. Dont get me wrong looks matter a lot but if you let this get into your head too much it will get pretty bad and insecureties will flare up hardcore when you are at your lowest. I know it because I am living it and working on my mental. Negative blackpill thinking has bled into other aspects of my life. Thake it from someone who has been on this forum for some time. I hope that someone on this forum reads this and takes this warning to heart because you guys just dont understand how bad it can hit you mentally when the reality is it may not be over. Just because you took the blackpill do not think its over, life is grey and thats okay.

No tldr so dnr

 

[Akademik_Komarov]

You just look like a gay girlfriend to them, so you can communicate with them. But I look like a fucking GOD, so I'll never be able to communicate with them.

 

[lemonnz]

I did fall into depression and insecurity when I discovered it since I was sub 5. Though things did get much better it’s best that most people stay away from it since 50% of people are below average height and looks, and even average doesn’t cut it.

 

[DoctorPMA]

I did fall into depression and insecurity when I discovered it since I was sub 5. Though things did get much better it’s best that most people stay away from it since 50% of people are below average height and looks, and even average doesn’t cut it.

If you are a true sub5 I would recommend get off this forum for you own mental sake

 

[lemonnz]

If you are a true sub5 I would recommend get off this forum for you own mental sake

True but my issue was being fat and so my testosterone would convert to estrogen and I got mild gyno. Now I lost much weight and am definitely above average smv for my age.

 

[adeeyeah]

Blackpill has a lot of brutal truths. I have discovered it years ago as you can tell by my join date. At the beginning it was great because I finally got a concrete answer as to why it is so difficult to get a girl to like you and what it is that I am missing. As some of you know I struggled with bloated face for years and it was very demotivating to lose weight because I was a good boy growing up so the only cope that I could rely on was food and video games. I was a late bloomer in a semi strict household so I did not go out and party early. I only started getting attention from women when my face became slightly more defined at the age of 18 -19. In high school looking back I did get some major IOIs but I totally missed them as the concept of a women being interested in me seemed not plausible in my mind which was depressing due to horrible self esteem in terms of attraction. Granted I had no game anyways so no high school romance experience for me.

After high school I was living an incel lifestyle for sometime. VIRGIN just working at a trash job and playing vidya games and maybe gym sometimes. I was looking around at pickup videos but I always found them cringe and would imagine every girl rejecting me anyways so I didn't even bother trying. This was the time when I discovered blackpill and inceldom through Saint Hamudi and Face and LMS (OGs know these). I was hooked on it because it seemed like the truth that would dispel the confusion on as to why I am not a desirable human being to an opposite sex. So I joined looksmaxing forum in 2019 and it changed the way I view the world for the negative but it was very eye opening to my dumbass.

As the time went on I naturally got more confident in myself and eventually started talking with a super hot Russian chick from my business class. She was way above my league and I was in disbelief that she was even chatting with me let alone going out downtown and having fun at bars and concerts. Walking by in a sidewalk I notice people looking at her in awe. She looked like Dasha Tarran but shorter. I was nervous, no game, but I was not too bad socially so I was entertaining enough to get her to giggle and stick around for some dates and chats. Im not gonna tell the whole story but I ended up getting friendzoned which I totally deserved cuz I was a loser at the time and there was no way I could sustain her anyways. It was painful because she was giving me obvious IOIs but I was not confident and cringe and did not know how to excelate as I had little to no experience. This really was a canon event that imprinted in my mind that I CAN score girls of that calubur but if I listened to blackpill by that definition I was mtn and I would have NO CHANCE TO EVEN TALK TO HER. I also have had some other experienceds with girls but thats a story for another day.

Fast forward I got a new marketing agency job in a small company where it is a much more social working environment. I started gymcelling with my friend too but my face was still a mtn at best in my blackpilled mind. There were many women there that I had to interact with so overtime I learned how they act and what to say to be seen a "normal chill funny guy" in the workplace because I was so concerned to be seen as a non chad insecure subhuman. Thankfully everything went great and I befriended pretty much every girl there overtime. Then I discovered john zherka and holy shit did he change my life when it comes to women. I watched all his content and applied it in real life. Obviously I did not do nothing crazy as I was at work but the new confident mentality I cultivated has lead me to become more of a man.

Soon enough women started to joke around with me, invite me to their parties and I even got to smash few of them with out any effort. Several months later I got a hot gf. Life was good and for some time I forgot about all this blackpill shit as I was living lavish. After a few years of dating, my gf broke up with me because of mental illness and It was the worst I have ever felt psychologically. Then the blackpill hit me hard. Once you get something amazing and it gets taken away it feels worse than never having it. I did not see a future with her so I guess that heartbreak was not as devastating as it could have been.

I am writing this to warn newcommers that this pesemistic way of thinking will bite you in the future. Do not take any of the negative ideology from here because after some time your mind WILL get tainted, you just dont know it yet because its happening slowly in your subconcious. I got rated as an average guy at best but in real life when I followed actual good advice I had way better results than "its over" content that is around here. Dont get me wrong looks matter a lot but if you let this get into your head too much it will get pretty bad and insecureties will flare up hardcore when you are at your lowest. I know it because I am living it and working on my mental. Negative blackpill thinking has bled into other aspects of my life. Thake it from someone who has been on this forum for some time. I hope that someone on this forum reads this and takes this warning to heart because you guys just dont understand how bad it can hit you mentally when the reality is it may not be over. Just because you took the blackpill do not think its over, life is grey and thats okay.

No tldr so dnr

DR, thanks for sharing