How over is it for me?

[hypernormie]

I’m disabled, I have this weird neck/spinal problem that started 3 years ago that basically leaves me sporadically bedridden. I almost avoided this entirely too but I wasn’t able to get much help from my family when I first noticed something was wrong so I had to keep working which made it way worse. One day I heard a pop in my spine after forcing myself to get up even though my body was screaming at me to not move at all and after the pop I felt a large amount of pressure shoot up my spine to the right side of my skull and now I have what feels like constant immense pressure at the base of my skull. I’m talking 24/7 365 extreme pressure wrapping the base of my skull. My spine also feels incredibly stiff now and the entirety of my internal “system” feels contracted. I feel very internally stifled like my body is in permanent fight or flight even though I may be “relaxed.” I can’t think clearly anymore, I can’t feel my emotions as deeply anymore, I have drastically reduced coordination and my heart feels like it’s under a lot more internal pressure suddenly. On top of all that, the pressure in my spine sometimes increases so high that I basically am scared to move because it feels incredibly bad to do so, forcing myself to move the last time I felt this way is how I ended up in this situation but this happens basically at random points of the day every day which makes living a normal life very difficult. Sometimes I’m even scared to leave my house in case this happens and I’m forced to just stop in the middle of the street. I can barely read anything anymore because I can’t focus but I do still try and read as much as I can, it’s just I can tell my brain isn’t taking in half of it. My vocabulary has been slashed, I lose track of my sentences, forget words and other bullshit, stuff that literally never happened to me prior to this, I never had a problem speaking prior to this, people used to compliment me on my speaking abilities prior to this and now I am struggling to remember basic vocabulary words to explain my thoughts. Often I just have to stop trying and move on. I can’t exercise because my heart rate increases too high all of a sudden, I can’t skateboard or lift weights, I can’t even jog or run, sometimes even just walking feels exhausting. My blood pressure is also suddenly way higher than it’s ever been and because I had started going to doctors when I first felt something was wrong but prior to the spinal issue I was able to see my blood pressure and I watched it spike from normal to high basically overnight after the pop in my spine. I had to quit weed, cigarettes and alchohol. I can’t even go out and drink with my friends to lower the stress.

I’ve lost 3 years of my life trying to get this shit to go away. 23-26 literally the prime of my youth is being robbed from me and the doctors can’t figure out what is wrong. I have so much I wanted to accomplish these past 3 years that I just haven’t been able to do. It’s starting to become too much, I feel I am falling behind too much in life. I planned on having my career established by now, right before I was afflicted with this mess I had started really organizing my life and getting my routines down consistently for the first time. I was truly at the point where I felt I had reached a level of emotional maturity and stability with my income that I could lock in and go after my dreams, I was finally able to keep on track of my goals without distraction and was more motivated than ever before in my life and then BOOM I get dealt this. The doctors don’t even know wtf happened, they tell me everything looks fine but it obviously isn’t. Even if the doctors figure out what’s wrong, or even if it goes away on its own right now, I will still be 3 years behind. This is very difficult for me to deal with emotionally, 3 years is a lot of time to lose, especially in your 20’s. I’m considering roping but I can’t even gain an emotional release and just let go because I can’t feel much emotion in this state of heightened stress my body is constantly under. The muscles in my face and neck don’t even relax enough for me to cry when I feel sad, I haven’t truly cried in 3 years. A tear here and there maybe but nothing truly cathartic. So even if I rope I won’t be able to do it with certainty. Time seems to be running out, I can’t imagine trying to catch up to everyone at the age of 27 or god forbid 30 or perhaps even later if I don’t get better, there’s no catching up at that point because by the time you catch up you will be past your youth. My hair is already thinning in the front which means I’m going to have to come up with hair transplant money and that will take even longer.

It’s not fair man. All I wanted to do was devote myself wholeheartedly to my craft and I can’t even do that. There are so many people out there who are perfectly healthy who are completely wasting their time doing nothing, accomplishing nothing, experiencing nothing, just existing and for what? It’s not fair man. I will go the rest of the year and see how I feel, if things don’t get better I’m not sure what I will do.

 

[lepo2317]

I know your pain. I wanted to fuck all the sluts and get all the possible diseases but I'm ugly as fuck so I can't. I cry every night that god stood in the way to my (and your) happiness. Over,

 

[noka]

I’m disabled, I have this weird neck/spinal problem that started 3 years ago that basically leaves me sporadically bedridden. I almost avoided this entirely too but I wasn’t able to get much help from my family when I first noticed something was wrong so I had to keep working which made it way worse. One day I heard a pop in my spine after forcing myself to get up even though my body was screaming at me to not move at all and after the pop I felt a large amount of pressure shoot up my spine to the right side of my skull and now I have what feels like constant immense pressure at the base of my skull. I’m talking 24/7 365 extreme pressure wrapping the base of my skull. My spine also feels incredibly stiff now and the entirety of my internal “system” feels contracted. I feel very internally stifled like my body is in permanent fight or flight even though I may be “relaxed.” I can’t think clearly anymore, I can’t feel my emotions as deeply anymore, I have drastically reduced coordination and my heart feels like it’s under a lot more internal pressure suddenly. On top of all that, the pressure in my spine sometimes increases so high that I basically am scared to move because it feels incredibly bad to do so, forcing myself to move the last time I felt this way is how I ended up in this situation but this happens basically at random points of the day every day which makes living a normal life very difficult. Sometimes I’m even scared to leave my house in case this happens and I’m forced to just stop in the middle of the street. I can barely read anything anymore because I can’t focus but I do still try and read as much as I can, it’s just I can tell my brain isn’t taking in half of it. My vocabulary has been slashed, I lose track of my sentences, forget words and other bullshit, stuff that literally never happened to me prior to this, I never had a problem speaking prior to this, people used to compliment me on my speaking abilities prior to this and now I am struggling to remember basic vocabulary words to explain my thoughts. Often I just have to stop trying and move on.

I’ve lost 3 years of my life trying to get this shit to go away. 23-26 literally the prime of my youth is being robbed from me and the doctors can’t figure out what is wrong. I have so much I wanted to accomplish these past 3 years that I just haven’t been able to do. It’s starting to become too much, I feel I am falling behind too much in life. I planned on having my career established by now, right before I was afflicted with this mess I had started really organizing my life and getting my routines down consistently for the first time. I was truly at the point where I felt I had reached a level of emotional maturity and stability with my income that I could lock in and go after my dreams, I was finally able to keep on track of my goals without distraction and was more motivated than ever before in my life and then BOOM I get dealt this. The doctors don’t even know wtf happened, they tell me everything looks fine but it obviously isn’t. Even if the doctors figure out what’s wrong, or even if it goes away on its own right now, I will still be 3 years behind. This is very difficult for me to deal with emotionally, 3 years is a lot of time to lose, especially in your 20’s. I’m considering roping but I can’t even gain an emotional release and just let go because I can’t feel much emotion in this state of heightened stress my body is constantly under. The muscles in my face and neck don’t even relax enough for me to cry when I feel sad, I haven’t truly cried in 3 years. A tear here and there maybe but nothing truly cathartic. So even if I rope I won’t be able to do it with certainty. Time seems to be running out, I can’t imagine trying to catch up to everyone at the age of 27 or god forbid 30 or perhaps even later if I don’t get better, there’s no catching up at that point because by the time you catch up you will be past your youth. My hair is already thinning in the front which means I’m going to have to come up with hair transplant money and that will take even longer.

It’s not fair man. All I wanted to do was devote myself wholeheartedly to my craft and I can’t even do that. There are so many people out there who are perfectly healthy who are completely wasting their time doing nothing, accomplishing nothing, experiencing nothing, just existing and for what? It’s not fair man. I will go the rest of the year and see how I feel, if things don’t get better I’m not sure what I will do.

Man, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. It’s so messed up that just when you were getting your life together, this hit you out of nowhere. Living with constant pressure and pain like that, especially when doctors don’t know what’s going on, must be a complete nightmare. It’s like your body’s just trapping you, and it’s no wonder you feel like you're stuck and falling behind. Three years is a long time to lose, especially in your 20s when you’re supposed to be out there building your future.

I get why you feel like you’re being robbed of your best years. And it’s gotta be tough seeing people who have their health just waste time when you’d give anything to be able to focus on your goals again. It’s not fair at all.

The fact that you’ve made it this far though, dealing with all this, that’s something. I can’t pretend to know what will happen or how it’ll get better, but it’s clear you’ve been fighting through this even when it feels hopeless. Maybe things haven’t gone how you planned, but there’s still time. I hope something shifts for you, whether it’s finding the right help or even just a bit of relief. You deserve better, man.

If you ever need someone to talk to or just need to vent, I’m here. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.

 

[StuntmanMike]

Escortmaxxxing or death

 

[hypernormie]

Escortmaxxxing or death

I’m not even sure how that will help. I guess I could try it but honestly I’m not super bummed out about sex, I’ve had enough sex

What fucks me up the most is the time that’s being wasted. I was hoping to have my career established in the past 3 years, not be starting to establish it if even that

 

[Whatever]

I had a digestive problems and a related bodily deformity that kinda went away in my early 20s, but came back and then my late 20s were a nightmare, in and out of the hospital and any sex or relationship was completely out of the question. But it all ended in this surgery that ended up being an unexpected looksmax because it permanently corrected the deformity. My point is that you can heal, healing can be unexpected, even miraculous.

Now I’m 30 and I feel like I have to get back my lost youth. I just ordered some plane tickets to go to Europe, first real vacation in many years for me. I feel truly blessed that I still have all my hair and some youth left in my look, do whatever you can to hang on to it.

I feel like your late 20s is a really shitty and difficult time in a lot of people’s lives, you’re not young any more so you’re not getting the opportunities that come with youth, but you’re also not established or stable enough to get the opportunities that come with age. So life can do a V shape. I won’t say it’s better to be 30 than 20 but for sure it’s better to be 30 than 25. I never see or hear this discussed, it’s something I put 2 and 2 together on on my own.

 

[hypernormie]

I had a digestive problems and a related bodily deformity that kinda went away in my early 20s, but came back and then my late 20s were a nightmare, in and out of the hospital and any sex or relationship was completely out of the question. But it all ended in this surgery that ended up being an unexpected looksmax because it permanently corrected the deformity. My point is that you can heal, healing can be unexpected, even miraculous.

Now I’m 30 and I feel like I have to get back my lost youth. I just ordered some plane tickets to go to Europe, first real vacation in many years for me. I feel truly blessed that I still have all my hair and some youth left in my look, do whatever you can to hang on to it.

I feel like your late 20s is a really shitty and difficult time in a lot of people’s lives, you’re not young any more so you’re not getting the opportunities that come with youth, but you’re also not established or stable enough to get the opportunities that come with age. So life can do a V shape. I won’t say it’s better to be 30 than 20 but for sure it’s better to be 30 than 25. I never see or hear this discussed, it’s something I put 2 and 2 together on on my own.

That’s good to hear your issue was fixed. Really happy for you.

I am hoping the same happens for me. I just hope it happens soon because I really dislike the idea of having to try and catch up. It was hard enough being behind where I felt I should be at the age of 23 which is why I had finally decided to commit to improving my life once and for all. I felt like I had to slay a bit before I could really lock in and so I did and I ignored my discontent around my career and status in the world but by the age of 23, It got to be too much and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. So I sat down and really started breaking down my goals and what I would need to do to accomplish them, started having less sex and dialing in all of my habits. I had been doing these things before but I just got really serious about it. I really started to get some momentum going and then out of nowhere this happens. I was supposed to be a lot further along in my life by 26. If I was healthy I would have spent these last 3 years completely focused but instead I’ve spent them laying down in a bed.

Even if I get better I will basically be back at square one. I figured 25-30 be a good stretch to really capitalize on my youth and then 30-35 to capitalize on my adulthood before I start really getting old. Now I have to try and squeeze all that progress into 26-30 and maybe not even that because I’m not even better yet, so I may lose out on more time still. Some of my youth is starting to fade as well, my hair has thinned out on my hairline and I have started to get grey hairs in my beard (however plucking them seems to work for now) so even if I get better I won’t be able to just enjoy my youth again because now I have visible signs of age. Saving up the money for a hair transplant is going to take another year or two out of the time I have left.

I really wasn’t going to waste the time so it’s just hard to be forced to waste it. There was nothing I hated more than feeling cramped by my situation and for the first time at 23 I started to not feel that way, I felt like I had finally gained some space to breathe, only to have it taken away again. Now even if I get better I will be back in that cramped situation for another few years at least, it’s just very stressful to think about and I may not even ever get better which is even worse. I’m watching my time slowly be flushed down the drain with the knowledge that even if I get better I will be in a worse position than when I started. It’s fucked.

 

[TitSlicer]

Don't worry prime lasts till 32

 

[hypernormie]

Don't worry prime lasts till 32

You don’t understand, even if it last till 32, if I get better today, I still won’t be able to capitalize on my prime until the age of 31 at the earliest which means I won’t be able to enjoy my prime for very long. At best I have 5 years of being in my prime when I was supposed to have 8.

 

[TitSlicer]

You don’t understand, even if it last till 32, if I get better today, I still won’t be able to capitalize on my prime until the age of 31 at the earliest which means I won’t be able to enjoy my prime for very long. At best I have 5 years of being in my prime when I was supposed to have 8.

slaying is like a video game only feels good for a year or two, after that u become pacified. lliterally playing vidya or fighting mma mogs slaying after u get the first five slays

 

[hypernormie]

slaying is like a video game only feels good for a year or two, after that u become pacified. lliterally playing vidya or fighting mma mogs slaying after u get the first five slays

Slaying is not my main concern here, it is a slight concern because there are still some things I still want to do slay wise but the main issue is the lost progress on my career

3 years is a lot of time to not be making progress career wise. I REALLY dislike working for other people and I was only able to bear it until 23 before I realized I can’t live like this. My plan was to have something figured out by 26-27 but now I have lost all that time and potential progress.

At a certain age (25-27) its starts to become highly embarrassing to not have some sort of career established. When it comes to women and men it’s just not a good look to have nothing of significance behind your name at these ages.

 

[TitSlicer]

Slaying is not my main concern here, it is a slight concern because there are still some things I still want to do slay wise but the main issue is the lost progress on my career

3 years is a lot of time to not be making progress career wise. I REALLY dislike working for other people and I was only able to bear it until 23 before I realized I can’t live like this. My plan was to have something figured out by 26-27 but now I have lost all that time and potential progress.

At a certain age (25-27) its starts to become highly embarrassing to not have some sort of career established. When it comes to women and men it’s just not a good look to have nothing of significance behind your name at these ages.

just say ur working for a degree and dont go in detail, only saying ur NEET is usally social hit. But as long as u say im working / studying and mildly elaborate it doesnt matter as much esp. if u hit a certain looks threshold. The cortisol spike from feeling unworthy is much worse as people detect these hormonal markers easily.

 

[hypernormie]

just say ur working for a degree and dont go in detail, only saying ur NEET is usally social hit. But as long as u say im working / studying and mildly elaborate it doesnt matter as much esp. if u hit a certain looks threshold. The cortisol spike from feeling unworthy is much worse as people detect these hormonal markers easily.

Yeah I’m sure I can figure something out

It’s just again I am back to being constrained and unable to relax and be honest and open

Living an inhibited life is not worth living

 

[Whatever]

That’s good to hear your issue was fixed. Really happy for you.

I am hoping the same happens for me. I just hope it happens soon because I really dislike the idea of having to try and catch up. It was hard enough being behind where I felt I should be at the age of 23 which is why I had finally decided to commit to improving my life once and for all. I felt like I had to slay a bit before I could really lock in and so I did and I ignored my discontent around my career and status in the world but by the age of 23, It got to be too much and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. So I sat down and really started breaking down my goals and what I would need to do to accomplish them, started having less sex and dialing in all of my habits. I had been doing these things before but I just got really serious about it. I really started to get some momentum going and then out of nowhere this happens. I was supposed to be a lot further along in my life by 26. If I was healthy I would have spent these last 3 years completely focused but instead I’ve spent them laying down in a bed.

Even if I get better I will basically be back at square one. I figured 25-30 be a good stretch to really capitalize on my youth and then 30-35 to capitalize on my adulthood before I start really getting old. Now I have to try and squeeze all that progress into 26-30 and maybe not even that because I’m not even better yet, so I may lose out on more time still. Some of my youth is starting to fade as well, my hair has thinned out on my hairline and I have started to get grey hairs in my beard (however plucking them seems to work for now) so even if I get better I won’t be able to just enjoy my youth again because now I have visible signs of age. Saving up the money for a hair transplant is going to take another year or two out of the time I have left.

I really wasn’t going to waste the time so it’s just hard to be forced to waste it. There was nothing I hated more than feeling cramped by my situation and for the first time at 23 I started to not feel that way, I felt like I had finally gained some space to breathe, only to have it taken away again. Now even if I get better I will be back in that cramped situation for another few years at least, it’s just very stressful to think about and I may not even ever get better which is even worse. I’m watching my time slowly be flushed down the drain with the knowledge that even if I get better I will be in a worse position than when I started. It’s fucked.

I know “age is just a number” might sound like cope but what it is is that age is arbitrary. You’re putting yourself and your life into very arbitrary boxes and then worrying about it, the reality is more that we have health and roughly a physical age that we can do our best to manage, that’s all we can do. And there is a reward for it, so many people let themselves go physically, or get tied down by shit financially, you can end up way ahead of a lot of people just by avoiding a lot of that.

 

[hypernormie]

I know “age is just a number” might sound like cope but what it is is that age is arbitrary. You’re putting yourself and your life into very arbitrary boxes and then worrying about it, the reality is more that we have health and roughly a physical age that we can do our best to manage, that’s all we can do. And there is a reward for it, so many people let themselves go physically, or get tied down by shit financially, you can end up way ahead of a lot of people just by avoiding a lot of that.

Yeah my problem is I was going to avoid a lot of that at an early age which would have put me considerably further ahead than a lot of people but I lost the opportunity to do that, and now at best I will be fighting to keep up.

I’m aware I can cope about losing my youth but it doesn’t necessarily make it true. All things considered, it’s always better to have started taking your life seriously at 23 than 26. I may not even be able to start at 26, who knows how much longer I will have to suffer this, how much late to the party I will be, I may never be cured. So roping seems like a better option everyday. I may just be being dramatic but I’m doing my best to remain calm and impartial about the situation. I have no intention of impulsively roping if that’s the choice I end up deciding on.

 

[ascension124]

Don't worry prime lasts till 32

Prime for slaying yes but after 32 you can have a wife and kids and focus on family

 

[Dave1]

I’m disabled, I have this weird neck/spinal problem that started 3 years ago that basically leaves me sporadically bedridden. I almost avoided this entirely too but I wasn’t able to get much help from my family when I first noticed something was wrong so I had to keep working which made it way worse. One day I heard a pop in my spine after forcing myself to get up even though my body was screaming at me to not move at all and after the pop I felt a large amount of pressure shoot up my spine to the right side of my skull and now I have what feels like constant immense pressure at the base of my skull. I’m talking 24/7 365 extreme pressure wrapping the base of my skull. My spine also feels incredibly stiff now and the entirety of my internal “system” feels contracted. I feel very internally stifled like my body is in permanent fight or flight even though I may be “relaxed.” I can’t think clearly anymore, I can’t feel my emotions as deeply anymore, I have drastically reduced coordination and my heart feels like it’s under a lot more internal pressure suddenly. On top of all that, the pressure in my spine sometimes increases so high that I basically am scared to move because it feels incredibly bad to do so, forcing myself to move the last time I felt this way is how I ended up in this situation but this happens basically at random points of the day every day which makes living a normal life very difficult. Sometimes I’m even scared to leave my house in case this happens and I’m forced to just stop in the middle of the street. I can barely read anything anymore because I can’t focus but I do still try and read as much as I can, it’s just I can tell my brain isn’t taking in half of it. My vocabulary has been slashed, I lose track of my sentences, forget words and other bullshit, stuff that literally never happened to me prior to this, I never had a problem speaking prior to this, people used to compliment me on my speaking abilities prior to this and now I am struggling to remember basic vocabulary words to explain my thoughts. Often I just have to stop trying and move on. I can’t exercise because my heart rate increases too high all of a sudden, I can’t skateboard or lift weights, I can’t even jog or run, sometimes even just walking feels exhausting. My blood pressure is also suddenly way higher than it’s ever been and because I had started going to doctors when I first felt something was wrong but prior to the spinal issue I was able to see my blood pressure and I watched it spike from normal to high basically overnight after the pop in my spine. I had to quit weed, cigarettes and alchohol. I can’t even go out and drink with my friends to lower the stress.

I’ve lost 3 years of my life trying to get this shit to go away. 23-26 literally the prime of my youth is being robbed from me and the doctors can’t figure out what is wrong. I have so much I wanted to accomplish these past 3 years that I just haven’t been able to do. It’s starting to become too much, I feel I am falling behind too much in life. I planned on having my career established by now, right before I was afflicted with this mess I had started really organizing my life and getting my routines down consistently for the first time. I was truly at the point where I felt I had reached a level of emotional maturity and stability with my income that I could lock in and go after my dreams, I was finally able to keep on track of my goals without distraction and was more motivated than ever before in my life and then BOOM I get dealt this. The doctors don’t even know wtf happened, they tell me everything looks fine but it obviously isn’t. Even if the doctors figure out what’s wrong, or even if it goes away on its own right now, I will still be 3 years behind. This is very difficult for me to deal with emotionally, 3 years is a lot of time to lose, especially in your 20’s. I’m considering roping but I can’t even gain an emotional release and just let go because I can’t feel much emotion in this state of heightened stress my body is constantly under. The muscles in my face and neck don’t even relax enough for me to cry when I feel sad, I haven’t truly cried in 3 years. A tear here and there maybe but nothing truly cathartic. So even if I rope I won’t be able to do it with certainty. Time seems to be running out, I can’t imagine trying to catch up to everyone at the age of 27 or god forbid 30 or perhaps even later if I don’t get better, there’s no catching up at that point because by the time you catch up you will be past your youth. My hair is already thinning in the front which means I’m going to have to come up with hair transplant money and that will take even longer.

It’s not fair man. All I wanted to do was devote myself wholeheartedly to my craft and I can’t even do that. There are so many people out there who are perfectly healthy who are completely wasting their time doing nothing, accomplishing nothing, experiencing nothing, just existing and for what? It’s not fair man. I will go the rest of the year and see how I feel, if things don’t get better I’m not sure what I will do.

Biohacking nerd here, you may have cooked a disc and by a rare chance it messed with your spinal cord. In some cases it's POSSIBLE to be treated but you can definetely improve your condition with extremely slow practicing of moving normally and stuff. Also I'm not a doctor and dont take my advice. If you want me to, and don't be afraid to ask, I can do a thorough examination of all possible possibilities.

 

[AsGoodAsItGets]

I’m disabled, I have this weird neck/spinal problem that started 3 years ago that basically leaves me sporadically bedridden. I almost avoided this entirely too but I wasn’t able to get much help from my family when I first noticed something was wrong so I had to keep working which made it way worse. One day I heard a pop in my spine after forcing myself to get up even though my body was screaming at me to not move at all and after the pop I felt a large amount of pressure shoot up my spine to the right side of my skull and now I have what feels like constant immense pressure at the base of my skull. I’m talking 24/7 365 extreme pressure wrapping the base of my skull. My spine also feels incredibly stiff now and the entirety of my internal “system” feels contracted. I feel very internally stifled like my body is in permanent fight or flight even though I may be “relaxed.” I can’t think clearly anymore, I can’t feel my emotions as deeply anymore, I have drastically reduced coordination and my heart feels like it’s under a lot more internal pressure suddenly. On top of all that, the pressure in my spine sometimes increases so high that I basically am scared to move because it feels incredibly bad to do so, forcing myself to move the last time I felt this way is how I ended up in this situation but this happens basically at random points of the day every day which makes living a normal life very difficult. Sometimes I’m even scared to leave my house in case this happens and I’m forced to just stop in the middle of the street. I can barely read anything anymore because I can’t focus but I do still try and read as much as I can, it’s just I can tell my brain isn’t taking in half of it. My vocabulary has been slashed, I lose track of my sentences, forget words and other bullshit, stuff that literally never happened to me prior to this, I never had a problem speaking prior to this, people used to compliment me on my speaking abilities prior to this and now I am struggling to remember basic vocabulary words to explain my thoughts. Often I just have to stop trying and move on. I can’t exercise because my heart rate increases too high all of a sudden, I can’t skateboard or lift weights, I can’t even jog or run, sometimes even just walking feels exhausting. My blood pressure is also suddenly way higher than it’s ever been and because I had started going to doctors when I first felt something was wrong but prior to the spinal issue I was able to see my blood pressure and I watched it spike from normal to high basically overnight after the pop in my spine. I had to quit weed, cigarettes and alchohol. I can’t even go out and drink with my friends to lower the stress.

I’ve lost 3 years of my life trying to get this shit to go away. 23-26 literally the prime of my youth is being robbed from me and the doctors can’t figure out what is wrong. I have so much I wanted to accomplish these past 3 years that I just haven’t been able to do. It’s starting to become too much, I feel I am falling behind too much in life. I planned on having my career established by now, right before I was afflicted with this mess I had started really organizing my life and getting my routines down consistently for the first time. I was truly at the point where I felt I had reached a level of emotional maturity and stability with my income that I could lock in and go after my dreams, I was finally able to keep on track of my goals without distraction and was more motivated than ever before in my life and then BOOM I get dealt this. The doctors don’t even know wtf happened, they tell me everything looks fine but it obviously isn’t. Even if the doctors figure out what’s wrong, or even if it goes away on its own right now, I will still be 3 years behind. This is very difficult for me to deal with emotionally, 3 years is a lot of time to lose, especially in your 20’s. I’m considering roping but I can’t even gain an emotional release and just let go because I can’t feel much emotion in this state of heightened stress my body is constantly under. The muscles in my face and neck don’t even relax enough for me to cry when I feel sad, I haven’t truly cried in 3 years. A tear here and there maybe but nothing truly cathartic. So even if I rope I won’t be able to do it with certainty. Time seems to be running out, I can’t imagine trying to catch up to everyone at the age of 27 or god forbid 30 or perhaps even later if I don’t get better, there’s no catching up at that point because by the time you catch up you will be past your youth. My hair is already thinning in the front which means I’m going to have to come up with hair transplant money and that will take even longer.

It’s not fair man. All I wanted to do was devote myself wholeheartedly to my craft and I can’t even do that. There are so many people out there who are perfectly healthy who are completely wasting their time doing nothing, accomplishing nothing, experiencing nothing, just existing and for what? It’s not fair man. I will go the rest of the year and see how I feel, if things don’t get better I’m not sure what I will do.

buy a mannequin if you need a shoulder to cry on

 

[hypernormie]

buy a mannequin if you need a shoulder to cry on

I’ll take solace in knowing that I experienced more joy and satisfaction in my few short years of health than you will experience for the remainder of your natural life.

 

[Roninotrolling]

I’ll take solace in knowing that I experienced more joy and satisfaction in my few short years of health than you will experience for the remainder of your natural life.

past is cope bruh we are forward seeking animals, thats why delon wanted to rope

 

[hypernormie]

past is cope bruh we are forward seeking animals, thats why delon wanted to rope

I agree but I’m not too worried about my future. I’m a very motivated person so being forced into stagnation is particularly hard for me and sometimes I need to vent to stay sane. I do my best to remain optimistic but whatever happens, happens. You only have so much control in life.