How to stop getting attached so quickly

[G4br1el]

I genuinely would like to hear the thoughts of anyone who managed to overcome this here, because even tho I’m not social at all and definitely non NT I still can’t help but fall into the trap of getting attached too quickly to another person.

And I suppose this more due to scarcity even if that’s a scarcity i created myself because I get attached more so to the idea and the validation a person could give me rather than the person themselves.

I just wish for some advice because it’s genuinely unsustainable to act like this for me. (I can give you examples if you need more clarity)

 

[veggiedietcell]

I genuinely would like to hear the thoughts of anyone who managed to overcome this here, because even tho I’m not social at all and definitely non NT I still can’t help but fall into the trap of getting attached too quickly to another person.

And I suppose this more due to scarcity even if that’s a scarcity i created myself because I get attached more so to the idea and the validation a person could give me rather than the person themselves.

I just wish for some advice because it’s genuinely unsustainable to act like this for me. (I can give you examples if you need more clarity)

Examples dude?

 

[G4br1el]

Examples dude?

I recently downloaded tinder, and among a handful of chats with some of the matches I found a girl that seemed decent enough even outside of her looks.

Things are going as you would expect, we just chat once in a while but the problem I have on my end is that I’m already hooked on the attention she gives me, and stopped caring about other potential matches.

I hope this clears it out

 

[sprout]

just think about the fact that they are messaging hundreds of guys, it is tinder after all, they do not care about you, nor do they care if you stop talking about them because there will always be a new opportunity for them, there you go

 

[G4br1el]

just think about the fact that they are messaging hundreds of guys, it is tinder after all, they do not care about you, nor do they care if you stop talking about them because there will always be a new opportunity for them, there you go

Yea, i figured just how many options my looksmatches have, and in those instances i guess i just do the same and talk to multiple ones.

The thing is that I’ve seen this behavior of mine even in real life, that it just took some validation for me to get hooked to just about anyone.

And I wouldn’t say I can quite translate this irl as I live in a small town, so it’s hard for most girls to navigate in options, good ones especially.

 

[lifeless]

Talk to other people.

 

[lifeless]

Talk to other people.

I worded this incorrectly, getting to know more and more people will stop you from getting attached to quickly. I didn't read what you said, but im assuming your situation is that you get attached to someone who shows any mild interest in you

 

[Claymoreboy0118]

It's rough out here for people with big hearts

 

[TalesFromTheSlums]

Sign of low T/androgens & an estrogenic/serotonergic tone which promotes lust, obsession, fixation, attachment, etc.

It's a fine thing you can manage somewhat if from another person to you, but don't be the one doing it to others, no.

Bottom line is, ideally, men should not be getting too attached to, well, anything -- it's not worth it for the most part.

No, you don't have to be a rock or 100% detached, but you don't want to be in fucking love/gushy over a woman either.

 

[G4br1el]

I worded this incorrectly, getting to know more and more people will stop you from getting attached to quickly. I didn't read what you said, but im assuming your situation is that you get attached to someone who shows any mild interest in you

I wouldn’t say mild, or at least the interest they show me must be quite intense for me to fully emotionally attach.

I’d say you’re right tho that my ego can get latched even after I get shown mild interest by someone, which then makes me feel butthurt if I happen to get ghosted or so.

Regarding getting to know more people you’re definitely correct, problem is my best shot to do that is with tinder hookups, as I saw I have the looks for it but I’m definitely not nt enough to socialize irl like normies usually do.

Living in a small town also doesn’t help with that considering pretty much everyone stays in their own circles and there aren’t any places outside of school where I can find many of my peers together that are not part of a shared social circle.

 

[Charm]

I have the same problem, i start relying on a specific persons attention and then i can't focus on anything else

 

[G4br1el]

Sign of low T/androgens & an estrogenic/serotonergic tone which promotes lust, obsession, fixation, attachment, etc.

It's a fine thing you can manage somewhat if from another person to you, but don't be the one doing it to others, no.

Bottom line is, ideally, men should not be getting too attached to, well, anything -- it's not worth it for the most part.

No, you don't have to be a rock or 100% detached, but you don't want to be in fucking love with a woman either.

I get what you’re saying, it likely mostly an ego related thing as that attaches to the validation and can therefore inflate or break depending on wether that validation still flows through for me.

 

[veggiedietcell]

I wouldn’t say mild, or at least the interest they show me must be quite intense for me to fully emotionally attach.

I’d say you’re right tho that my ego can get latched even after I get shown mild interest by someone, which then makes me feel butthurt if I happen to get ghosted or so.

Regarding getting to know more people you’re definitely correct, problem is my best shot to do that is with tinder hookups, as I saw I have the looks for it but I’m definitely not nt enough to socialize irl like normies usually do.

Living in a small town also doesn’t help with that considering pretty much everyone stays in their own circles and there aren’t any places outside of school where I can find many of my peers together that are not part of a shared social circle.

Well I am experiencing the same, but there is only one way, make ur heart tougher, or don’t be in touch with that person for awhile, have a temporary goal and strive for it

 

[TalesFromTheSlums]

I get what you’re saying, it likely mostly an ego related thing as that attaches to the validation and can therefore inflate or break depending on wether that validation still flows through for me.

Ego and "love" or obsession with a specific person heavily overlap; the feeling is foolish.

People with smaller egos "love" many things but can separate attachment from it more.

 

[G4br1el]

I have the same problem, i start relying on a specific persons attention and then i can't focus on anything else

I feel you man, at this point it’s better to either have multiple validation sources or none rather than just a handful