ElySioNs
Mercenary
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2021
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*** Update to this has been posted here ***
I [23M] met my ex [21F] 3 years ago. We lived on campus at uni in different halls of residence. After a few months, we got together and for the most part had a very happy relationship. There was always one issue though.
My ex grew up in a very religious home. Her father is a pastor. She has been open with her family that she does not share their faith. They weren't happy about it but accepted that she has to make her own choices on that. Nevertheless, I think some of that religious upbringing was still in her mind. I grew up in a different religion but was never very serious about it, and am no longer religious.
Our relationship was pretty normal except that she told me very early that she was a virgin and wanted to stay that way until she was married. It wasn't for religious reasons, as I mentioned she isn't religious. But she was very focussed on not disappointing her dad. We did other sexual things, just not intercourse.
I never had much luck with girls growing up, and going into the relationship I was a virgin. And I still am, at least if you classify being a virgin as never having had intercourse. Anyway, I was becoming more resentful of the fact that everyone I know was having normal sexual relationships and we weren't. I couldn't understand why she didn't want to have a full sexual relationship, though of course I never pressured her about it.
I felt that while I was at uni, and pretty broke, getting married was something for the future. Last year, I was in my last year of uni and she was working in her first professional job (her degree was shorter than mine, so she finished uni first despite being younger than me). She was talking a lot about all these successful guys she met at work, which did make me feel lesser as I was still a broke uni student. Coupled with her still not wanting a full sexual relationship, it did make me feel more resentful.
We had some arguments about it and after a while I felt that I should end the relationship as we wanted different things and our lives were on different paths. It was awful. She was crying a lot and I felt terrible afterwards.
Anyway, it has been nearly six months since we broke up. We haven't been in touch at all for most of that time. I have not been involved with anyone else in that time, as I was 100% focussed on finishing my degree. I have finally finished uni and am about to start my first professional job. She recently got in touch again and asked to meet up. I was hesitant, but decided we had so much good history that I should hear her out.
She told me she's been missing me terribly these past six months. That she thinks she wants to get back together, and is open to having a sexual relationship now. I asked her why now? What changed? And she looked uncomfortable. After a little prying, she said she had a short term fling with one of the older guys at work while we were broken up. Which is of course was fine as she wasn't my girlfriend anymore. Anyway, she said he persisted with her until she started having sex with him. She ended it with him recently. She was clear that it was consensual, but that the guy was very persistent with pursuing sex with her.
I was gutted. I couldn't understand why she'd make me wait all those years, but was fine doing it with some new guy she'd only been seeing a short time. I asked if the reason she was open to having a sexual relationship now is because she wasn't a virgin anymore. She said yes. I asked her to give me some space to process all this.
I'm conflicted and would love some advice on this. I have missed her a lot and still have strong feelings for her. But at the same time it feels like I was strung along for years. It's hard to put my finger on why I don't want to take her back. Everything logically makes sense for us to get back together. I'd even get to finally have a sexual relationship with her. But I feel awful about this whole thing and don't want to ignore those feelings.
I [23M] met my ex [21F] 3 years ago. We lived on campus at uni in different halls of residence. After a few months, we got together and for the most part had a very happy relationship. There was always one issue though.
My ex grew up in a very religious home. Her father is a pastor. She has been open with her family that she does not share their faith. They weren't happy about it but accepted that she has to make her own choices on that. Nevertheless, I think some of that religious upbringing was still in her mind. I grew up in a different religion but was never very serious about it, and am no longer religious.
Our relationship was pretty normal except that she told me very early that she was a virgin and wanted to stay that way until she was married. It wasn't for religious reasons, as I mentioned she isn't religious. But she was very focussed on not disappointing her dad. We did other sexual things, just not intercourse.
I never had much luck with girls growing up, and going into the relationship I was a virgin. And I still am, at least if you classify being a virgin as never having had intercourse. Anyway, I was becoming more resentful of the fact that everyone I know was having normal sexual relationships and we weren't. I couldn't understand why she didn't want to have a full sexual relationship, though of course I never pressured her about it.
I felt that while I was at uni, and pretty broke, getting married was something for the future. Last year, I was in my last year of uni and she was working in her first professional job (her degree was shorter than mine, so she finished uni first despite being younger than me). She was talking a lot about all these successful guys she met at work, which did make me feel lesser as I was still a broke uni student. Coupled with her still not wanting a full sexual relationship, it did make me feel more resentful.
We had some arguments about it and after a while I felt that I should end the relationship as we wanted different things and our lives were on different paths. It was awful. She was crying a lot and I felt terrible afterwards.
Anyway, it has been nearly six months since we broke up. We haven't been in touch at all for most of that time. I have not been involved with anyone else in that time, as I was 100% focussed on finishing my degree. I have finally finished uni and am about to start my first professional job. She recently got in touch again and asked to meet up. I was hesitant, but decided we had so much good history that I should hear her out.
She told me she's been missing me terribly these past six months. That she thinks she wants to get back together, and is open to having a sexual relationship now. I asked her why now? What changed? And she looked uncomfortable. After a little prying, she said she had a short term fling with one of the older guys at work while we were broken up. Which is of course was fine as she wasn't my girlfriend anymore. Anyway, she said he persisted with her until she started having sex with him. She ended it with him recently. She was clear that it was consensual, but that the guy was very persistent with pursuing sex with her.
I was gutted. I couldn't understand why she'd make me wait all those years, but was fine doing it with some new guy she'd only been seeing a short time. I asked if the reason she was open to having a sexual relationship now is because she wasn't a virgin anymore. She said yes. I asked her to give me some space to process all this.
I'm conflicted and would love some advice on this. I have missed her a lot and still have strong feelings for her. But at the same time it feels like I was strung along for years. It's hard to put my finger on why I don't want to take her back. Everything logically makes sense for us to get back together. I'd even get to finally have a sexual relationship with her. But I feel awful about this whole thing and don't want to ignore those feelings.
