ElySioNs
Mercenary
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- Feb 7, 2021
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I (33m) found out my wife(34f) of 11 years was having an affair. I found out a week before Christmas 2023. I found out in probably the 2nd worst way( first being catching them fucking.)
I found out purely by accident. We had recently upgraded our phones because she broke hers beyond being usable and when we set up the new ones, there were photos and videos she wanted from my phone she wanted transfered over to her new one. So I signed into her Gmail account to sync with the cloud. I keep my old phone to play games and stream as it is still a good phone. Phone upgrades happen late Oct or early Nov.
Anyway, fast forward to December, just before Christmas, and the Google photos app pings "Check out your memories from 2023" or something close to that on the old game phone. I tap it expecting photos of our 2 kids, family outings, things of that sort. What I was not expecting was to find nudes of my wife. I realized that she did not turn her cloud sync off on her new phone and the picture synced with my old phone. My heart immediately sank. I knew they weren't ment for me. In the 11 years we had been married I have often said that I would love if she were to take some sexy pictures for me but she never showed any interest. I never pushed the issue, was just something I thought would be nice. The date stamps on the pics showed the earliest ones were from about a week prior, with the most recent, being close up of her pussy, were taken just the day before, while I was in the next room, working weekend overtime.
I spiraled very quickly after that. With every possible scenario running through my head. I almost broke, right then and there. I was able to keep it together long enough to get my head straight. I remember that in between her breaking her phone and me having the money to pay for the upgrades, she had been using a very old phone that we had laying around. It couldn't do much but let her log into her Facebook and make calls. I pulled that old phone out and powered it back up. Her Facebook still logged in. I went through her messenger and found the man she was cheating on me with. It was someone from her past she had dated. She was smart enough to not have him as a friend on FB so I have no idea how long he had been back in her life.
It looked like they deleted their messages regularly as it only show a few they had traded that day. One of which was a video of my wife in which she was picking the names of the children she wanted to have with him. I have never felt such pain before. I was devastated. I almost ended it at that very moment. What need is there for me to still be around. I had already been replaced. I also considered going scorched earth and taking screen shots of their chats with her saying he was sent to her by heaven and posting them on her FB and sending them to everyone on her friends list. But the only thing that stopped me was that fact that I still loved her. I could not bring myself to do something that would hurt her.
I confronted her that same night. Asked her to tell me why, with who, how long, and had the affair been physical. She barely gave me any straight answers. She said it had been going on for a while, and they had had sex before. She would not tell me who but I already knew that from the FB messages. Her reason for why "I didn't know if you loved me as much as I love you." She said she did not feel the love from me because I hadn't been getting her gifts for valentines Day or mothers Day. And that I would not get upset at the things that would make her upset. Instead I would usually try to get her to look at issues logically instead of emotionally.
As far as the gift thing goes, it's true that for several years I had not gotten anything on the specific holidays, but that was usually because we spent our recreational money already, usually on something that she would want or something for the kids or a thing she wanted to do. I would also tell her that if we do this thing or buy this stuff now, we would not have any more spending money. She would always say that's fine.
She never gave me any indication that she was unhappy with me or our life together. The entire time we have been married I thought I was doing everything right. I always made sure we had everything we needed. Always put her wants ahead of mine. I would go places and do things that I didn't really have an interest in because she wanted to. I never complained and never dismissed her hobbies or interests. Always made sure we did things and went out to break the routine of me at work and her doing the house chores. I gave everything to our marriage, to being what I thought was a good husband and father.
We talked the night I confronted her. She said she was sorry she hurt me. (I honestly can't remember I'd she actually said she was sorry/regretted the affair. That night is a bit of a blur when I try to remember all the details.) She said that she never stopped loving me. She says she truly wants to be with me. I still love her. But that is what makes it so painful. I want to continue with our marriage but now I am over taken with insecurities and doubts. I was already doing what I honestly thought was my best. There has been the constant thought now in the back of my mind that if it wasn't good enough before, how can it be enough now? Should I even try? I feel like my life has lost its purpose. I feel dead and empty inside. I have just been going through the motions. I am horribly depressed. I can't envision my future anymore.
Do I stay in this marriage knowing it will never be what it once was(or rather what i thought it was)? Or do I call it quits and take my chances on my own?
TL
R My wife of 12 years was having an extended affair. I still love her but am now emotionally broken. Do I stay and try to get over it? Or call it quits and try to move on alone?
Edit Formatted it a bit. Sorry about the giant wall of text. I had been writing this through my notes app for a few days and just copy/pasted for the post and hadn't taken the time to fix.
Answer to a big question that I really can't believe I forgot concerning the AP.
She did message him the night I confronted her to tell him it's over and to never contact her again. She also blocked him. As far as I know she does not have any other social media besides FB.
She no longer guards her phone when I'm around and can easily see when she is messaging anyone.(it was never like she would hide it from me or get angry if I toughed it or anything like that so that was never a red flag.) I have also gone through her phone a few times and have not found any indications of it still ongoing or of any other APs.
She does seem to be putting the effort into working through this. But whether or not she genuinely feels remorse or regrets what she did, I cannot say. Simply because I'm not sure what that is supposed to look like.
I want to say thank you to everyone for the well wishes and concern for my well being. I honestly didn't expect anyone to actually read this or give advice.
I have not made a concrete decision. I am still focusing on simply surviving this ordeal.
Thank you Reddit
I found out purely by accident. We had recently upgraded our phones because she broke hers beyond being usable and when we set up the new ones, there were photos and videos she wanted from my phone she wanted transfered over to her new one. So I signed into her Gmail account to sync with the cloud. I keep my old phone to play games and stream as it is still a good phone. Phone upgrades happen late Oct or early Nov.
Anyway, fast forward to December, just before Christmas, and the Google photos app pings "Check out your memories from 2023" or something close to that on the old game phone. I tap it expecting photos of our 2 kids, family outings, things of that sort. What I was not expecting was to find nudes of my wife. I realized that she did not turn her cloud sync off on her new phone and the picture synced with my old phone. My heart immediately sank. I knew they weren't ment for me. In the 11 years we had been married I have often said that I would love if she were to take some sexy pictures for me but she never showed any interest. I never pushed the issue, was just something I thought would be nice. The date stamps on the pics showed the earliest ones were from about a week prior, with the most recent, being close up of her pussy, were taken just the day before, while I was in the next room, working weekend overtime.
I spiraled very quickly after that. With every possible scenario running through my head. I almost broke, right then and there. I was able to keep it together long enough to get my head straight. I remember that in between her breaking her phone and me having the money to pay for the upgrades, she had been using a very old phone that we had laying around. It couldn't do much but let her log into her Facebook and make calls. I pulled that old phone out and powered it back up. Her Facebook still logged in. I went through her messenger and found the man she was cheating on me with. It was someone from her past she had dated. She was smart enough to not have him as a friend on FB so I have no idea how long he had been back in her life.
It looked like they deleted their messages regularly as it only show a few they had traded that day. One of which was a video of my wife in which she was picking the names of the children she wanted to have with him. I have never felt such pain before. I was devastated. I almost ended it at that very moment. What need is there for me to still be around. I had already been replaced. I also considered going scorched earth and taking screen shots of their chats with her saying he was sent to her by heaven and posting them on her FB and sending them to everyone on her friends list. But the only thing that stopped me was that fact that I still loved her. I could not bring myself to do something that would hurt her.
I confronted her that same night. Asked her to tell me why, with who, how long, and had the affair been physical. She barely gave me any straight answers. She said it had been going on for a while, and they had had sex before. She would not tell me who but I already knew that from the FB messages. Her reason for why "I didn't know if you loved me as much as I love you." She said she did not feel the love from me because I hadn't been getting her gifts for valentines Day or mothers Day. And that I would not get upset at the things that would make her upset. Instead I would usually try to get her to look at issues logically instead of emotionally.
As far as the gift thing goes, it's true that for several years I had not gotten anything on the specific holidays, but that was usually because we spent our recreational money already, usually on something that she would want or something for the kids or a thing she wanted to do. I would also tell her that if we do this thing or buy this stuff now, we would not have any more spending money. She would always say that's fine.
She never gave me any indication that she was unhappy with me or our life together. The entire time we have been married I thought I was doing everything right. I always made sure we had everything we needed. Always put her wants ahead of mine. I would go places and do things that I didn't really have an interest in because she wanted to. I never complained and never dismissed her hobbies or interests. Always made sure we did things and went out to break the routine of me at work and her doing the house chores. I gave everything to our marriage, to being what I thought was a good husband and father.
We talked the night I confronted her. She said she was sorry she hurt me. (I honestly can't remember I'd she actually said she was sorry/regretted the affair. That night is a bit of a blur when I try to remember all the details.) She said that she never stopped loving me. She says she truly wants to be with me. I still love her. But that is what makes it so painful. I want to continue with our marriage but now I am over taken with insecurities and doubts. I was already doing what I honestly thought was my best. There has been the constant thought now in the back of my mind that if it wasn't good enough before, how can it be enough now? Should I even try? I feel like my life has lost its purpose. I feel dead and empty inside. I have just been going through the motions. I am horribly depressed. I can't envision my future anymore.
Do I stay in this marriage knowing it will never be what it once was(or rather what i thought it was)? Or do I call it quits and take my chances on my own?
TL
R My wife of 12 years was having an extended affair. I still love her but am now emotionally broken. Do I stay and try to get over it? Or call it quits and try to move on alone?Edit Formatted it a bit. Sorry about the giant wall of text. I had been writing this through my notes app for a few days and just copy/pasted for the post and hadn't taken the time to fix.
Answer to a big question that I really can't believe I forgot concerning the AP.
She did message him the night I confronted her to tell him it's over and to never contact her again. She also blocked him. As far as I know she does not have any other social media besides FB.
She no longer guards her phone when I'm around and can easily see when she is messaging anyone.(it was never like she would hide it from me or get angry if I toughed it or anything like that so that was never a red flag.) I have also gone through her phone a few times and have not found any indications of it still ongoing or of any other APs.
She does seem to be putting the effort into working through this. But whether or not she genuinely feels remorse or regrets what she did, I cannot say. Simply because I'm not sure what that is supposed to look like.
I want to say thank you to everyone for the well wishes and concern for my well being. I honestly didn't expect anyone to actually read this or give advice.
I have not made a concrete decision. I am still focusing on simply surviving this ordeal.
Thank you Reddit
