I am unable to escape my own guilt

[illusion]

Sorry I’m not venting but it’s confusing to me. I’m constantly drowning in guilt, from everything. Whenever I’m unable to please someone, whenever someone asks me a favor and I can’t do it for them. I remember disappointments I caused from years ago and they plaque my mind. I feel like I owe something to people. I really want to be kind and loving and a source of happiness to everyone I meet but Im afraid I can’t provide that and the guilt of it drowns me. I just want people to like me and to be acknowledged as a kind person. I don’t want it to be a lie, I want it to be real. The more I go into blackpill the more these feelings of guilt become more apparent, I do everything I can to make myself more presentable to people, I want people to be happy when they look at me, I don’t want people to see something grotesque when they look at me. I feel as if my personality doesn’t matter if I can’t present it with a good face, I just want my efforts to be acknowledged by people. I hope to one day escape my guilt and be what I wish to be.