I betrayed someone that trusted me

[RAITEIII]

I feel guilty. I apologized but I cannot act like nothing, so I cut nearly all contact. I really had "no choice" and he didn't suffer any negative repercussions AT ALL, it was either lie or try to fix my life and had to lie with smth for that chance.

But I don't have the face to act friendly with someone knowing that I lied and failed. Not to someone who trusted me for many years. I'd rather be on my own. Mine is so sorry.