I can't live with myself anymore

[JustCallMeKash]

I spend 19 hours a day on my phone trying to escape reality, I fantasize about having a girl when I'm not on my phone. I feel as thou I will never be enough there is a constant pain in my chest and also fear. I don't want to die, but I dont want to live either I know my only hope is ascension, so that's what I'll focus my life on until I reach it otherwise my existence would have been meaningless

(Sorry for trying to sound mysterious and deep it's the tism)

 

[6PSLcel]

Ascension is the only way bhai, the path to it will be hard, but seriously man I would appreciate if me and you and whoever else on that path helped and motivated each other cuz this shit is genuinely hard. Inb4 gay

 

[StrangerDanger]

The universe is not pressuring you to get a girlfriend. If a construction of your ego such as getting a girlfriend causes you so much suffering then you need to maybe reconsider what it means to live

 

[JustCallMeKash]

The universe is not pressuring you to get a girlfriend. If a construction of your ego such as getting a girlfriend causes you so much suffering then you need to maybe reconsider what it means to live

It kinda is I live in jamaica and everyone is homophobic and since I didn't get a girlfriend in highschool my sister randomly assumed I was gay and even after denying it she hated on me everyday and soon enough my entire family joined in on the abuse eventually I became a sociopath and now my social skills are shit and I hate myself, none of this would have happened if I got a girlfriend also I just don't think it's healthy to be this lonely.

 

[StrangerDanger]

It kinda is I live in jamaica and everyone is homophobic and since I didn't get a girlfriend in highschool my sister randomly assumed I was gay and even after denying it she hated on me everyday and soon enough my entire family joined in on the abuse eventually I became a sociopath and now my social skills are shit and I hate myself, none of this would have happened if I got a girlfriend also I just don't think it's healthy to be this lonely.

Those around you suck. I don’t know much about your culture but that doesn’t sound like a healthy family if they mentally abuse you like that. It is fine being lonely and wanting to have a girlfriend but being so attached to the idea that it causes you suffering is just a terrible way to live. You can still ascend and look forward to getting one but there is no reason to suffer in the proccess. True happiness comes from within, and anything external is a bonus. Do not let your family or any external force pressure you into something, then you aren’t living for yourself but for them. I can understand about not wanting to be so lonely though

 

[JustCallMeKash]

Those around you suck. I don’t know much about your culture but that doesn’t sound like a healthy family if they mentally abuse you like that. It is fine being lonely and wanting to have a girlfriend but being so attached to the idea that it causes you suffering is just a terrible way to live. You can still ascend and look forward to getting one but there is no reason to suffer in the proccess. True happiness comes from within, and anything external is a bonus. Do not let your family or any external force pressure you into something, then you aren’t living for yourself but for them. I can understand about not wanting to be so lonely though

It's not in my control I want the pain to stop, but it's always there, but I'll try to find healthy ways to cope.

 

[HTN_Mentalcel]

The universe is not pressuring you to get a girlfriend. If a construction of your ego such as getting a girlfriend causes you so much suffering then you need to maybe reconsider what it means to live

Sex,physical touch, love are all phycological needs. Loneliness is as bad as 17 cigarettes a day