maxmogvril
Iron
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2025
- Posts
- 56
- Reputation
- 22
I don’t know if this sounds crazy. Maybe it does. But I genuinely struggle to look people in the eyes - unless they’re perfect.
I don’t mean socially perfect. I mean visually. Aesthetic. Symmetrical. No skin issues, no asymmetry, no bad angles, no odd proportions.
If there’s even a small flaw, something switches in my brain and I can’t hold eye contact. It’s like I instantly zoom in on every imperfection, whether I want to or not.
And the worst part?
I’m not perfect either.
Not even close.
I used to have noticeable acne. I took isotretinoin, and luckily, it helped. Now my skin is much better, way more under control. I’m also cutting, training, slowly shaping my face and physique.
You’d think I’d become more compassionate or at least more chill about appearances.
But no.
It made things worse.
Now that I’ve improved myself a little, my standards for others have gotten brutally high. I can’t look at people with visible acne, weak bone structure, yellow teeth, or messed-up skin tone without feeling this… tension. Not judgment. Not disgust. Just pure discomfort.
Like I’m staring at a ghost of my old self.
And I hate being reminded.
I don’t feel “better” than anyone. I don’t look down on them. But when I see someone who’s visibly flawed - in the way I used to be, it triggers something.
I get quiet.
My eyes flick away.
I literally feel the urge to look at the ground or past their face - anything but direct contact.
Because deep down, I still see myself as flawed.
And when I see someone who reflects those flaws, even partially… it’s like a mirror I don’t want to look into.
This mindset, this scanning, this “auto-judge mode” - it’s not who I want to be. I want to be able to see people as human, not as an error-checking algorithm constantly picking out issues.
But I can’t lie - it’s become a reflex. And the more I chase aesthetics, the more intolerant I become of imperfection in others. And that’s fucked.
It’s like the better I get, the less empathy I have.
And that terrifies me.
To talk to someone and not overanalyze their facial thirds, their bite, their skin texture.
I wish I could look someone in the eyes and not instinctively assess their flaws before anything else.
Sometimes I envy normies. They don’t think like this.
They’re not stuck in this looksmaxxing matrix 24/7.
But once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
Once you’ve trained your brain to detect every flaw -it becomes a curse.
Not unless they pass that mental filter.
Not unless they’re “safe to look at.”
Not unless they don’t remind me of what I once was - or still am inside.
If you relate to this, even slightly - please tell me I’m not the only one.
Because honestly, this feels like psychological rot.
And I don’t know how to fix it.
I don’t mean socially perfect. I mean visually. Aesthetic. Symmetrical. No skin issues, no asymmetry, no bad angles, no odd proportions.
If there’s even a small flaw, something switches in my brain and I can’t hold eye contact. It’s like I instantly zoom in on every imperfection, whether I want to or not.
And the worst part?
I’m not perfect either.
Not even close.
I’ve had my own flaws. I still do.
I used to have noticeable acne. I took isotretinoin, and luckily, it helped. Now my skin is much better, way more under control. I’m also cutting, training, slowly shaping my face and physique.
You’d think I’d become more compassionate or at least more chill about appearances.
But no.
It made things worse.
Now that I’ve improved myself a little, my standards for others have gotten brutally high. I can’t look at people with visible acne, weak bone structure, yellow teeth, or messed-up skin tone without feeling this… tension. Not judgment. Not disgust. Just pure discomfort.
Like I’m staring at a ghost of my old self.
And I hate being reminded.
It’s not about superiority. It’s fear.
I don’t feel “better” than anyone. I don’t look down on them. But when I see someone who’s visibly flawed - in the way I used to be, it triggers something.
I get quiet.
My eyes flick away.
I literally feel the urge to look at the ground or past their face - anything but direct contact.
Because deep down, I still see myself as flawed.
And when I see someone who reflects those flaws, even partially… it’s like a mirror I don’t want to look into.
I don’t want to be like this.
This mindset, this scanning, this “auto-judge mode” - it’s not who I want to be. I want to be able to see people as human, not as an error-checking algorithm constantly picking out issues.
But I can’t lie - it’s become a reflex. And the more I chase aesthetics, the more intolerant I become of imperfection in others. And that’s fucked.
It’s like the better I get, the less empathy I have.
And that terrifies me.
I miss being able to just see people.
To talk to someone and not overanalyze their facial thirds, their bite, their skin texture.
I wish I could look someone in the eyes and not instinctively assess their flaws before anything else.
Sometimes I envy normies. They don’t think like this.
They’re not stuck in this looksmaxxing matrix 24/7.
But once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
Once you’ve trained your brain to detect every flaw -it becomes a curse.
I don’t hate people. I just... can’t face them.
Not unless they pass that mental filter.
Not unless they’re “safe to look at.”
Not unless they don’t remind me of what I once was - or still am inside.
If you relate to this, even slightly - please tell me I’m not the only one.
Because honestly, this feels like psychological rot.
And I don’t know how to fix it.
