Vermilioncore
fear god
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2019
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My husband is 17 years older than me and we have been together for 26 years, and as of May we will have been married for 21 years.
A frequent bone of contention was our sex life. He always had a low drive, and it ground to a halt 5 years ago. For the three years before it stoppage, we had sex about 6 times a year. We went to marriage counseling about it three times. I tried everything you can think of to entice him, and nothing worked. He always had a million excuses, including my personal “favorite”: “My eyes hurt.”
A little under six years ago, I had kind of a sales job where I wasn’t expected to be in the office much. This was when Craigslist has personals and Ashley Madison had yet to be hacked. I put up an ad or profile and got pelted with responses. I would sift through them, respond to some, chat for a few days and if I was interested, we’d meet for coffee. If coffee went well, I would test drive them with at least som kissing if not making out. The thrill was incredible, I finally felt wanted/attracted for the first time in 5 to 8 years, and then there was the tease/chase between meeting for coffee and meeting at a hotel.
I had had sex once with my first love before I got into a relationship with my husband. I had always been a “good girl” and it didn’t seem worthwhile. I thought of these men as “buddies” and purposely picked men with a flaw of some type that made them guys I wouldn’t fall for. There were a couple of guys who read that I was attracted to women and had sex with me just to convince me into a threesome and I noped out on that. A few guys were in very similar boats and just had no passion in their lives. They were my favorites. One of the guys I met with for lunch was so bad at making out that I knew he would be awful in bed. I met with one guy who initially texted with me and went crazy because he thought I was someone else he knew and begged me to please not tell his wife because she’d be devastated before he figured out I was not that woman. When we met at a hotel he kept asking at the front desk whether the charge for the hotel would show up on his credit card statement after we paid for the room in cash. At some point after we got to the room he realized he’d he lost his wedding band and freaked out about finding it. I don’t know why he took his ring off because I knew he was married. This culminated in a discussion, mid-process, about his hope that I wasn’t disappointed by his size. If he took 60 seconds to cum, it was a lot.
This encounter was the turning point for me. I was so angry about being turned down by my husband so many times that it felt like I deserved this second life. I also think he was getting suspicious. But when I considered the utterly pathetic tryst I just had with a man whose wife would have been devastated if she knew about me, and how pathetic he was, and how pathetic it felt, I dipped.
I was wanted, and that fed my ego. I had control over everything and it felt so good after always accepting someone else’s decisions that rarely leaned my way. But it was pathetic. It made me very anxious and it wasn’t fair to my husband or the wives of the husbands I slept with.
I never told my husband but I committed to being faithful to him and I sought therapy. It is really hard to have no sex. We have begun doing things we used to do for foreplay but long enough to get me off. I’m more appreciative of him and the things he does for me and our son. My husband is never going compliment me. I’ve begged for so long to compliment me that I’ve lost hope. He so great in everything else that I can’t get from random.
A frequent bone of contention was our sex life. He always had a low drive, and it ground to a halt 5 years ago. For the three years before it stoppage, we had sex about 6 times a year. We went to marriage counseling about it three times. I tried everything you can think of to entice him, and nothing worked. He always had a million excuses, including my personal “favorite”: “My eyes hurt.”
A little under six years ago, I had kind of a sales job where I wasn’t expected to be in the office much. This was when Craigslist has personals and Ashley Madison had yet to be hacked. I put up an ad or profile and got pelted with responses. I would sift through them, respond to some, chat for a few days and if I was interested, we’d meet for coffee. If coffee went well, I would test drive them with at least som kissing if not making out. The thrill was incredible, I finally felt wanted/attracted for the first time in 5 to 8 years, and then there was the tease/chase between meeting for coffee and meeting at a hotel.
I had had sex once with my first love before I got into a relationship with my husband. I had always been a “good girl” and it didn’t seem worthwhile. I thought of these men as “buddies” and purposely picked men with a flaw of some type that made them guys I wouldn’t fall for. There were a couple of guys who read that I was attracted to women and had sex with me just to convince me into a threesome and I noped out on that. A few guys were in very similar boats and just had no passion in their lives. They were my favorites. One of the guys I met with for lunch was so bad at making out that I knew he would be awful in bed. I met with one guy who initially texted with me and went crazy because he thought I was someone else he knew and begged me to please not tell his wife because she’d be devastated before he figured out I was not that woman. When we met at a hotel he kept asking at the front desk whether the charge for the hotel would show up on his credit card statement after we paid for the room in cash. At some point after we got to the room he realized he’d he lost his wedding band and freaked out about finding it. I don’t know why he took his ring off because I knew he was married. This culminated in a discussion, mid-process, about his hope that I wasn’t disappointed by his size. If he took 60 seconds to cum, it was a lot.
This encounter was the turning point for me. I was so angry about being turned down by my husband so many times that it felt like I deserved this second life. I also think he was getting suspicious. But when I considered the utterly pathetic tryst I just had with a man whose wife would have been devastated if she knew about me, and how pathetic he was, and how pathetic it felt, I dipped.
I was wanted, and that fed my ego. I had control over everything and it felt so good after always accepting someone else’s decisions that rarely leaned my way. But it was pathetic. It made me very anxious and it wasn’t fair to my husband or the wives of the husbands I slept with.
I never told my husband but I committed to being faithful to him and I sought therapy. It is really hard to have no sex. We have begun doing things we used to do for foreplay but long enough to get me off. I’m more appreciative of him and the things he does for me and our son. My husband is never going compliment me. I’ve begged for so long to compliment me that I’ve lost hope. He so great in everything else that I can’t get from random.
