Vermilioncore
fear god
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2019
- Posts
- 70,612
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My husband and I are 39. Our sex has been normal. The past few months I've developed a fetish for humiliation and being dominated. I'm not sure where this came from but I've begun day-fantasizing about submitting to a man and being his property. I've watched porn on it. I've started to wonder what it would feel like for someone to finish on my face.
My husband and I had always done vanilla sex. I've talked to him about my recent fetishes but he wrote them off as a phase. He told me he wasn't someone who could disrespect me like that. It was very sweet but all I could think about was my lust. I wasn't angry but neither did I push the matter. I did hint at my facial fetish but he didn't quite catch on to it.
Fast forward: last night, I was pumping gas and a young guy hit on me. He was in his 20s I think? Looked like a university student. Very good looking and charming. I just went with it. I was sexually frustrated for months on end and my head was filled with lust. When he asked if I wanted to go out back for a smoke I immediately agreed and went with him. Obviously, he took me even further back and one thing lead to another and I was on my knees blowing him. Halfway through, I don't know what came over me and I started to think about my husband. I felt guilty and immediately stopped. I was about to get up but he said he's almost done. Somehow somewhere my brain just thought I might as well finish it. I didn't consider what that meant at the time. We continued for about a minute. I was alot less into it. I think he could tell he was losing me because he took the opportunity and started calling me a slut. My mind was blank and I didn't retaliate. He pulled out and finished on my face. I left as fast as I could.
Now I can't bear the guilt. I'm disgusted at myself. I tried breaking down why I did it or what makes me feel so bad. I just keep thinking how he'll brag about this to all his friends. How used I felt. How my actions basically admitted to him that he was a better man than my husband, a man I love with all my heart. I feel like a coward, pathetic. I don't know why I did it. Lust or frustration.
I don't know why I'm writing this, probably an outlet. I haven't told my husband and I won't. I just want to forget about it. I'm never gonna see this guy again and I'm sure even if I did, it's so dark that's he'll never recognise me. I'm not gonna lie, it did feel good kneeling down for him with his hand in my hair. I felt so good knowing he was younger and basically disrespecting me. As long as your mind is blank, carnal desires are always good. What comes after though, is not. I threw my own pride away. I threw my husband's pride away. I'm filthy, used and not even by someone who earned it. I ruined my relationship and even if I never tell him, I want to erase the memory from my mind so I can go back believing we're soulmates. He's my soulmate. I just want that to be true again.
The facial is what hit me the hardest. It was humiliating and degrading but I let him do it anyway. Part of me wished he finished somewhere else, if it's any consolation. I let him call me a slut and get away with it. I just keep thinking that I failed to defend my own pride nor my husband's pride. I can't look at my husband the same way. He's the man in my life, I looked up to him. He's the best man I have ever known. Now, in the back of my head, I see a man who's wife's face got defiled by another man's semen. I can't kiss him with the same mouth that shamefully pleasured another man. I know I shouldn't think this way and it's my fault. I wish I could undo it.
Scratching hard on that itch was great. The scars that come after are not.
For all the married women out there with lustful desires, who have urges to give oral, don't act on them. It's not worth it. You have a lover who will do anything for you, I'm sure. Talk to them. Don't give up after a half-assed attempt like I did. Everyone has their pride on what a good lover they are. Don't shatter that for them over some cheap token of lust. Don't give up your happily ending just to give pleasure to some guy who'll go on to live his own happy ending.
My husband and I had always done vanilla sex. I've talked to him about my recent fetishes but he wrote them off as a phase. He told me he wasn't someone who could disrespect me like that. It was very sweet but all I could think about was my lust. I wasn't angry but neither did I push the matter. I did hint at my facial fetish but he didn't quite catch on to it.
Fast forward: last night, I was pumping gas and a young guy hit on me. He was in his 20s I think? Looked like a university student. Very good looking and charming. I just went with it. I was sexually frustrated for months on end and my head was filled with lust. When he asked if I wanted to go out back for a smoke I immediately agreed and went with him. Obviously, he took me even further back and one thing lead to another and I was on my knees blowing him. Halfway through, I don't know what came over me and I started to think about my husband. I felt guilty and immediately stopped. I was about to get up but he said he's almost done. Somehow somewhere my brain just thought I might as well finish it. I didn't consider what that meant at the time. We continued for about a minute. I was alot less into it. I think he could tell he was losing me because he took the opportunity and started calling me a slut. My mind was blank and I didn't retaliate. He pulled out and finished on my face. I left as fast as I could.
Now I can't bear the guilt. I'm disgusted at myself. I tried breaking down why I did it or what makes me feel so bad. I just keep thinking how he'll brag about this to all his friends. How used I felt. How my actions basically admitted to him that he was a better man than my husband, a man I love with all my heart. I feel like a coward, pathetic. I don't know why I did it. Lust or frustration.
I don't know why I'm writing this, probably an outlet. I haven't told my husband and I won't. I just want to forget about it. I'm never gonna see this guy again and I'm sure even if I did, it's so dark that's he'll never recognise me. I'm not gonna lie, it did feel good kneeling down for him with his hand in my hair. I felt so good knowing he was younger and basically disrespecting me. As long as your mind is blank, carnal desires are always good. What comes after though, is not. I threw my own pride away. I threw my husband's pride away. I'm filthy, used and not even by someone who earned it. I ruined my relationship and even if I never tell him, I want to erase the memory from my mind so I can go back believing we're soulmates. He's my soulmate. I just want that to be true again.
The facial is what hit me the hardest. It was humiliating and degrading but I let him do it anyway. Part of me wished he finished somewhere else, if it's any consolation. I let him call me a slut and get away with it. I just keep thinking that I failed to defend my own pride nor my husband's pride. I can't look at my husband the same way. He's the man in my life, I looked up to him. He's the best man I have ever known. Now, in the back of my head, I see a man who's wife's face got defiled by another man's semen. I can't kiss him with the same mouth that shamefully pleasured another man. I know I shouldn't think this way and it's my fault. I wish I could undo it.
Scratching hard on that itch was great. The scars that come after are not.
For all the married women out there with lustful desires, who have urges to give oral, don't act on them. It's not worth it. You have a lover who will do anything for you, I'm sure. Talk to them. Don't give up after a half-assed attempt like I did. Everyone has their pride on what a good lover they are. Don't shatter that for them over some cheap token of lust. Don't give up your happily ending just to give pleasure to some guy who'll go on to live his own happy ending.
