I feel empty without sadness and happiness

[GAL]

it's over I don't think I'm giving up I don't want to fight with all this my life is doomed to sadness and lack of happiness ever since I remember I never got love for myself or my father at least not the kind I expected I come from a good home where I can afford it my father can afford everything but I don't get anything because I don't like to study and that's all that matters my older brother gets what he wants because he followed in his father's footsteps and is a doctor and I don't deserve anything it's just that my friends from poor families get a lot more than I do and it's always been there it hurt me, they never took me on holiday because I didn't deserve it and my parents travelled all over the world my friends live happily even though on average they don't have much but their families don't have much but they have looks I didn't have anything to show me that I can be loved by someone or given a chance by someone I have always been alone I have always focused on myself 3 years in the gym alone top of my figure and strength still nothing now blackpill and I know that only puberty can help me but still it is a shame to see how my friends are living through their youth every day I just look at it and I know that I won't experience it because of my genes, why do I need all this and why do I have to be on this sad side of life, even MTN + can enjoy life and I'm an ordinary MTN who was LTN, I'm still doomed to fight, I'm starving myself to lose weight and get rid of muscles to look better I take care of my skin as much as I can, I even did bonesmah but that's cope so fucked I would like to wake up one day come to HTN and enjoy life so if you have someone you are "pretty" then respect it and love life no everyone has this gift