I fluctuate between feeling evil and feeling like a cuck(narcissistic personality disorder)

[CholER]

I have some brutal mental disorders, ADHD, C-PTSD and NPD(Narcissistic personality disorder), thanks to these mental disorders and especially NPD, i usually fluctuate between being evil as fuck, not caring about anything, being low inhib, bullying, putting other people down and even beating up people to the point i got the cops called on me, to my other state where i feel like a cuck, depressed, sad, in absolute despair and agony

I call these 2 states "malignant state" and "cuck state", when i am on my cuck state that's when i rot on incel and blackpill forums the most, and i feel so fucking bad guys, it's a mental pain that i think no one here will ever experience, it's deep and extreme despair and anguish

When i'm on my malignant state there's no sadness, the only "bad" feeling i feel is hatred and disgust towards humanity, and that feels good tbh, but on my cuck state where i am right now, i feel like shit, i can't do anything and my mind tortures me 24/7 non stop, it's brutal guys, i really hope i can go back to my normal evil state as soon as possible

I would like to know if anyone else here has a personality disorder or have this fluctuation too, and how can we cope with this

 

[CholER]

bump

 

[abracadabra]

looksmax black pill and any other trauma u suffered irl where people put u above a pedistool but u didnt reach it sometimes


fix ur head nigger its all a mind game

 

[kana]

I have some brutal mental disorders, ADHD, C-PTSD and NPD(Narcissistic personality disorder), thanks to these mental disorders and especially NPD, i usually fluctuate between being evil as fuck, not caring about anything, being low inhib, bullying, putting other people down and even beating up people to the point i got the cops called on me, to my other state where i feel like a cuck, depressed, sad, in absolute despair and agony

I call these 2 states "malignant state" and "cuck state", when i am on my cuck state that's when i rot on incel and blackpill forums the most, and i feel so fucking bad guys, it's a mental pain that i think no one here will ever experience, it's deep and extreme despair and anguish

When i'm on my malignant state there's no sadness, the only "bad" feeling i feel is hatred and disgust towards humanity, and that feels good tbh, but on my cuck state where i am right now, i feel like shit, i can't do anything and my mind tortures me 24/7 non stop, it's brutal guys, i really hope i can go back to my normal evil state as soon as possible

I would like to know if anyone else here has a personality disorder or have this fluctuation too, and how can we cope with this

i do too, except the cuck state is being a cuck femboy who wants to be nice and treat everyone right

it even shows in the way i dress, like for example i can wear baggy jeans + stud belt + minimal jewelry + slim fit black shirt and maybe eyeliner

other day i wear a lot of bracelets, a long sleeve, baggy jeans again but everything is accessorized to be more bright and feminine

has ruined my social life and relationships, makes me a bipolar retard who cheats and begs for forgiveness, or a caring friend one minute and an asshole bully the next

don’t know what i have, my parents don’t care enough to diagnose me and i don’t trust no therapist

 

[T_T]

Grandiose/vulnerable
Over if you're primarily the second

 

[Nr1fanofmolly]

Xdddd

 

[CholER]

fix ur head nigger its all a mind game

true, but my mind is fucked beyond saving i guess

 

[CholER]

Grandiose/vulnerable
Over if you're primarily the second

yes being in vulnerable state as a narcy is hell on earth, neuroticism 24/7 raping ur mind and making u feel like a bitch