i hardly remember the child that went to university full of fears but also dreams

[wollet2]

when i try to remember him more vividly my brain shuts down the process, i dont know if this is due to structural damage or a way to prevent me from extra pain

 

[aryan mogger]

You been venting recently

 

[wollet2]

nobody can understand how much that saddens me

even if i dont remember him, i will remember him

 

[Deleted member 141642]

How old are u?

 

[wollet2]

How old are u?

25

 

[wollet2]

all my dreams died

 

[imontheloose]

I remember when you dropped out of uni. Did you ever end up going back?

 

[Deleted member 141642]

25

You're also a mentally ill htn or + huh?

 

[wollet2]

I remember when you dropped out of uni. Did you ever end up going back?

i switched from my original university that i dropped out in the end of 2019 to another one in a different town closer to my hometown

i tried attending there in 2021 with the remote classes, things were going ok until i mentally broke down and gave up again, funny cuz like i said i was doing very well with the material and i quit all a few weeks before the exams, i couldve passed all these classes but said fuck all for some reason

in 2022 i went to a few classes in person to also see my new university but that was it, felt very emotional and also when i get myself in any university space/setting

 

[imontheloose]

i switched from my original university that i dropped out in the end of 2019 to another one in a different town closer to my hometown

i tried attending there in 2021 with the remote classes, things were going ok until i mentally broke down and gave up again, funny cuz like i said i was doing very well with the material and i quit all a few weeks before the exams, i couldve passed all these classes but said fuck all for some reason

in 2022 i went to a few classes in person to also see my new university but that was it, felt very emotional and also when i get myself in any university space/setting

Why? The change in scenery and environment? I know many people like that. People seem to get used to it at different times.

 

[wollet2]

You're also a mentally ill htn or + huh?

idk if im mentally ill but i feel the worst ever
i have other health problems which fuck my mind also
i hate these 'htn' ratings and so on, i look very good, succesfull with hot women

 

[wollet2]

Why? The change in scenery and environment? I know many people like that. People seem to get used to it at different times.

my first university was my only choice since start of highschool, top 2 cs uni in my country and top 300 worldwide

it was far from my hometown but i didnt mind. anyway that was in 2019 before i got sick, i had other mental 'problems' at that time that ofc looking back at now were nothing, i was still alive back then. because of these 'problems', other frustrations and the fact that these made me hate my old uni and town (i obviously dont hate them now, the opposite, i feel very emotional towards my first uni and that town, i left myself in there) i decided to swap to a cs uni in a bigger city closer in my hometown because i had the option

i left myself in 2019 in that town

 

[imontheloose]

my first university was my only choice since start of highschool, top 2 cs uni in my country and top 300 worldwide

it was far from my hometown but i didnt mind. anyway that was in 2019 before i got sick, i had other mental 'problems' at that time that ofc looking back at now were nothing, i was still alive back then. because of these 'problems', other frustrations and the fact that these made me hate my old uni and town (i obviously dont hate them now, the opposite, i feel very emotional towards my first uni and that town, i left myself in there) i decided to swap to a cs uni in a bigger city closer in my hometown because i had the option

Well, hey, at least you’re not a sped. You can quite clearly do well in life if you get past your mental struggles. I had some guy in our complex who hung himself in his room a few months into uni lmao.

Think on the bright side, imagine being knajjd with that fucking stupid squeaker voice of his. I remember him speaking to me and I was in total shock a male could sound like such a fucking squeaker. That was his genuine voice too. And he was rambling about Jews and Muslims and shit.

 

[wollet2]

Well, hey, at least you’re not a sped. You can do quite clearly do well in life if you get past your mental struggles. I had some guy in our complex who hung himself in his room a few months into uni lmao.

Think on the bright side, imagine being knajjd with that fucking stupid squeaker voice of his. I remember him speaking to me and I was in total shock a male could sound like such a fucking squeaker. That was his genuine voice too. And he was rambling about Jews and Muslims and shit.

yeah it could always be worse but that really doesnt comfort me, perhaps even upsets me because its like accepting of my situation and that cant and must not happen in my mind, its like the funeral of everything that i was

and its not just the mental struggles, i always had them to some degree but they were workable, i had dreams and excitement about my life, i had a passion, i remember even if its foggy, i say to myself all the time that i must never forget what happened, how absolute and insane was the shift, because only i know how i was. i got physical health problems that killed everything, turned me into just remnants of a self and made my mental struggles even worse so idfk at this point. im trying to not kill myself everyday

knajjd is so funny

 

[wollet2]

And he was rambling about Jews and Muslims and shit.

jfl

 

[imontheloose]

yeah it could always be worse but that really doesnt comfort me, perhaps even upsets me because its like accepting of my situation and that cant and must not happen in my mind, its like the funeral of everything that i was

and its not just the mental struggles, i always had them to some degree but they were workable, i had dreams and excitement about my life, i had a passion, i remember even if its foggy, i say to myself all the time that i must never forget what happened, how absolute and insane was the shift, because only i know how i was. i got physical health problems that killed everything, turned me into just remnants of a self and made my mental struggles even worse so idfk at this point. im trying to not kill myself everyday

knajjd is so funny

I feel like that too. I really hope you feel better soon. If you kill yourself, I’ll really miss you! Even if no one else does! What physical health problems did you get? Are they recoverable?

 

[wollet2]

I feel like that too. I really hope you feel better soon. If you kill yourself, I’ll really miss you! Even if no one else does! What physical health problems did you get? Are they recoverable?

i dont think the damage in my body is recoverable, science has failed me completely . i dont want to suicide, i hate how people are brought into situations where it seems the only viable choice and i know they are afraid, i am too. it just hurts me so much that my old self would be utterly terrified of being brought into this situation, he wouldnt even ever think of being brought here. idk what to say, i almost never talk this personal in this forum. and thanks, wish you the same

 

[imontheloose]

i dont think the damage in my body is recoverable, science has failed me completely . i dont want to suicide, i hate how people are brought into situations where it seems the only viable choice and i know they are afraid, i am too. it just hurts me so much that my old self would be utterly terrified of being brought into this situation, he wouldnt even ever think of being brought here. idk what to say

I know, son. Well, it seems you’re speaking metaphorically. And although you can feel unrecoverable, unless you’re a down syndrome piece of shit with leukaemia, you can recover. Sounds bluepilled but it really isn’t good to be a doomer. I have been a doomer for ages and I still get like it in similar states, but it really is an unproductive state to be in. I hope you get better soon, son. You can PM me like always without any hassle. I’d be more than happy to chat about whatever. I really do wish you the best, son. May knajjd’s femboy bussy be sacrificed for you.

 

[VohnnyBoy]

. I had some guy in our complex who hung himself in his room a few months into uni lmao.

what why????? image seeing that shit i would drop outta uni ngl

 

[Seong Gi-Hun]

Once again, we stood on the precipice, brimming with hope and fear of failure

 

[imontheloose]

what why????? image seeing that shit i would drop outta uni ngl

He did CS and he didn’t leave a suicide note beforehand. Just spontaneously did it. We’ll never know why, sadly. Only context I’m aware of was he didn’t have much money.

 

[wollet2]

I know, son. Well, it seems you’re speaking metaphorically. And although you can feel unrecoverable, unless you’re a down syndrome piece of shit with leukaemia, you can recover. Sounds bluepilled but it really isn’t good to be a doomer. I have been a doomer for ages and I still get like it in similar states, but it really is an unproductive state to be in. I hope you get better soon, son. You can PM me like always without any hassle. I’d be more than happy to chat about whatever. I really do wish you the best, son. May knajjd’s femboy bussy be sacrificed for you.

i speaked literally as in my nerves are damaged, science cant do anything

 

[imontheloose]

i speaked literally as in my nerves are damaged, science cant do anything

How?