Dr Sonne
Professional Grey at Looksmax.org
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2025
- Posts
- 538
- Reputation
- 395
As the title, reads, I hate everyone. I have held such a thought for many years, perhaps my entire life as far back as my consciousness goes. Very likely it is 100% due to my autism, or perhaps my thoughts and those voices within my head, as I do not know if such voices and daydreams telling me to kill those around me, loved ones and peers, are apart of this so-called autism I have. It is not even actual autism, but technically falls within it, as I share large antisocial and shy traits I guess, but none of this retarded shit, like a good peer I know called "doi-doi autism", and how I have "normal person autism". To get back to it, I know I have hated everyone, and every person, apart from one good friend I have, I have had bad thoughts against, even loved ones. Classmates, from primary school onwards, I have hated all, whether it be simple, like giving them harder times and being rude, mean, and ignoring them for fun, or harder activities, like hurting or attacking them for looking at my face wrong or touching me or just being in my presence. This, and all that will be said later, I do not like. I do not like being known as the "quiet, shy, quick-to-aggression" guy, and I guess the latter description is rare and new, but still, I hate it, but I know that that is me, and I will never not be the quiet, shy, quick-to-aggression dude among my peers. I have horrid thoughts of killing them, coming to school, shotgun in hand, and fucking killing every one of them, my registration teacher and my registration class, and I adore watching their ugly normie heads blow straight off and splatter against the wall, and I fucking grab their bodies and contort them into some weird shapes, or I take some of them and rape them, or whatever. I do not like these daydreams in reality, even if I like it during the thoughts or I think I would like actually doing it, I do not like the concept of having these thoughts uncontrollably. I even hate those along the street. I know everyone does this, but I see a normie along the street. He does, or doesn't look at me as we walk past each other, and my voices mock him, call him horrid names and I imagine him being shot, or his guts being torn out or some weird shit. I see a random teacher in the halls, I take a look at their recessed ugly face, and I imagine them being shot by me when I fucking shoot up the school. I hate that too. It even extends to my parents and family too. I fucking despise my home-family (not my grandparents, I really love them truly), but my home family (mum, stepdad, baby sister) I despise, no matter how much I technically love them or they love me. But that is something personal and I may get in more trouble than I need if I continue on that point. And that was all far before I was introduced to this bp shit at a fairly young age. My account is very new, but I have been here for a very long time. This has only enhanced my hatred of peers, especially women, but everyone equally. Now I fear going outside, for people have to loom at my ugly fat face, and I have to loom at theirs, and even the confidence I get as I mog these normie students far and wide, I am still a fucking subhuman, but the fact is their are far below subhuman, as far below me as subhuman is to chadlite, but chadlite in this is subhuman, if you get what I mean. So I go out horrified with my bloated, fat, spotty, recessed maxilla face, and even though I still look better than all at school, I am more miserable than ever. The only chance I will ever have at escaping this and living my dream life I live in daydreams is far away, like 4 or 5 years minimum, and even then I will have to work extra hard, but at least it is very possible, to live my dream life far away in the highlands alone with no humans in sight, living off raw meat with my lovely kitten with me. I also have various mental health problems I cannot bother speaking to anyone about, mostly because my cahms appointments were stopped a while back, and that was like the only person I would bother speaking about my death thoughts to, not my peers or parents, as they see me as this "chill, nice" boy, but in reality i am hollow, empty, and trembling. The only reason my bumass bones are not recessed due to chronic cortisol elevation is because of my pet cat, the only living thing I actually fucking like, and even then he is fucing shouted and yellow and kicked by my parents for just existing. But I guess that's juts life, huh?. I wish I had a fucking cope like you guys do, something I do that doesn't do shit but at least makes me feel better. I used to bonesmash, and it helped and made me feel better, but it did fuck all in reality, but at least i was coping. And sooner or later I'll be coping with some other bumass "looksmax" like peptides or some faggot gua sha product. All I do now is wake up and spend all day rotting on the PC or at most rotting to tiktok bp edit sounds while walking outside, and even if I am not happy with this for the meantime, at least I eat well and go gym and whatnot, at least I am filling my subhuman void with good stuff to pass the time. My only hope to mog and feel good is to hope and pray to gandy that my Specsavers appointment this Saturday coming for contact lenses goes well and my retarded as scan actually put them in well, and that my amazon products actually arrive on time and i get my tanning drops and my magnesium supplements so I can rid my paper white skin and actually show my true potential hidden by my glasses. Also, this bumass nigger in my classes, a white boy with fucking curly ass hair and a mullet, into rock and gets pegged by his emo gf I think is into bp too. He fucking called me mtn in real life, not even I would ever dare speak of bp in person, but he called me an mtn and called another fatass classmate a ltn. I dunno if he is a real guy or is some bumass pretend blackpiller, likely the latter, and to be honest he is on a similar level to me in looks. My only hope is to pray that my newly revised diet will debloat me enough in the next 3 days otherwise I am going back to school after these long ass holidays bloated. I also need to head back to the gym to get my cardio in, I am so fat and my face is wide so I look very fat, and my gym has been closed due to the snow up in Scotland, so I have been at home the last 2 weeks without the gym or travel to the city so I cannot get any of my skincare or supplements from the in-person store at the town far away, so I gotta order some overpriced magnesium off amazon. I am so angry with myself and hate everyone, but when I hate everyone I know that I wouldn't if i did not fucking exist, or at least i did not have these shitty mental problems, autism or any other undiagnosed things I probably have by now.
