luke17k
Iron
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2025
- Posts
- 24
- Reputation
- 13
I dont mean that in any way like I mean I am genuinely disgusted by myself to the point where I struggle to see how I have the few friends that I do I wonder why would they be friends with someone who looks like how I do because they all look better than me I hate my asymmetry I hate my hair asymmetry because its so long on top and I am scared my turkish barber is gonna fuck me up like how he used to and I hate my appearance enough as it is that if that was to happen id probably just rope I watched all my friends talk to girls and have a good social life throughout my entire life yet I was always excluded and I always wondered why people hated me or why I got treated differently and its because of the way I look thats why I fucking hate it because I cant even change it I dont have the money for surgeries because im not jeff bezos so im just destined to fail and back to the topic of girls I finally had a talking stage for the first time ever and she moved to me first and she was out of my league icl even though she frauded with makeup even without it she was above me and this girl was so amazing to me at the beginning and this was just before I discovered bp properly (i was aware of it beforehand and this website but i never knew much about any of it) things were going great between us but just as any talking stage tends to go texts get drier and we start hanging out less and I say to her if you don't have feelings for me anymore then I think we should end it and she agrees and although I proposed the idea it crushed my soul because i felt like i lost the last chance I have at teenage love or maybe even just love in general after we split up I properly discovered bp and it all started with some edits of people like zeta and james sapphire then I started looking in to how to actually improve my looks you know just basic stuff skincare diet etc then it started going downhill from there I would look at people my age in the street when i walk past and analyse their faces because I wanted to know if I look better than them or not and every time nothing changed in my mind and im sure everyone elses mind but my own especially I always look worse than them its so pathetic I started crying the other night on my birthday because none of my "friends" bothered making plans with me they all just ignored me or said they were busy when they werent and it just made me more self conscious because I thought that it was because I have a face only a mother could love and if I wasnt some boneless retard with shitty hair, a pale skin complexion, facial asymmetry and shitty eyes then maybe they would of came to spend time with me but no I spent it alone outside like a loser and I do it quite often now I go out all by myself to the nearby city and just walk around like a fucking loser and funnily enough this ties in to another part of my story about the girl i was talking to I seen her the other week in the reflection of a shop window and she was crossing the street coming towards me and I started panicking and then she started shouting my name and she smiled and waved at me and I just froze I just looked at her like some creepy retard and she went inside wherever it was she was going and her friend shouted to her that I was waiting for her because i was still stood there out of shock and thats when i snap back to reality when i hear that i just turn the other way and i walk off and i feel like such a retard if i looked better my life wouldnt be this shit show that it is because i would get treated like a human being even people on the internet insult me for the way i look and i wanna rope so bad the only thing thats holding me back right now is because its a sin if roping wasnt a sin i would already be gone go insult me and call me a loser and a moron for writing this on here but i dont care people will judge me regardless god bless you all
