user20266741
Diamond
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2026
- Posts
- 1,268
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I once had a friend who meant more to me than anyone else. He was the only person I truly felt wished me well. But the truth is, I was never fully myself around him. I kept pretending to be someone else, hiding parts of who I really am, he didn’t even know that I’m autistic.
Because of that, spending time together became exhausting, even though I cared about him. It felt the same as being around anyone else: like I had to perform instead of just exist. Every conversation took effort, every reaction had to be calculated, and I was always aware of how I came across. I was afraid that if I showed my real self, things would change, or that I wouldn’t be accepted in the same way.
When we stopped going to school together, we naturally saw each other less. But the distance also made it easier to avoid the pressure I felt. I started saying no to invitations, at first because I was tired, but eventually because it felt like the only way to get some relief. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see him, it was that I didn’t know how to be around him, and was always misunderstood, just like I was by everyone else.
Over time, the gap between us grew. I didn’t explain myself, and he didn’t really understand what was happening. Avoiding him became a habit, and eventually, silence sure took its place.
Now, we don’t really talk anymore. I still think about him sometimes. Walking away felt easier than trying to be someone I didn’t know how to be around him.
He never knew how much he meant to me.
I wish him well and hope he goes on to live a happy life
Because of that, spending time together became exhausting, even though I cared about him. It felt the same as being around anyone else: like I had to perform instead of just exist. Every conversation took effort, every reaction had to be calculated, and I was always aware of how I came across. I was afraid that if I showed my real self, things would change, or that I wouldn’t be accepted in the same way.
When we stopped going to school together, we naturally saw each other less. But the distance also made it easier to avoid the pressure I felt. I started saying no to invitations, at first because I was tired, but eventually because it felt like the only way to get some relief. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see him, it was that I didn’t know how to be around him, and was always misunderstood, just like I was by everyone else.
Over time, the gap between us grew. I didn’t explain myself, and he didn’t really understand what was happening. Avoiding him became a habit, and eventually, silence sure took its place.
Now, we don’t really talk anymore. I still think about him sometimes. Walking away felt easier than trying to be someone I didn’t know how to be around him.
He never knew how much he meant to me.
I wish him well and hope he goes on to live a happy life
