ubicuse
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- Jun 11, 2024
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I am in love with my rapist
Hi.
I’m really not sure how to start this but I am a F (19) and my rapist is M (34) in 2024.
Growing up, I never got male attention, I was quite a chubby child so I never had a boyfriend or anything.
I graduated high school in 2022 and as my graduation present I went away with my (ex) best friend (maya) to an island in Indonesia.
Things were going really well between maya and myself. While we were over there we met a group of these Indonesian boys. (Angus, Matt, and skip) They were really nice and they took us to get out first tattoo beside our boobs. (Just a small love heart) and I friended all of them on Facebook.
On the 1st of November 2022 we were all hanging out at the beach and maya and myself were 17 and I was still a virgin. We both got really drunk off this unknown alcoholic drink and we were near the hotel where we were staying. It was around 7pm and maya was going back to the hotel to talk with her boyfriend and I said to her I will follow after Angus, Matt and skip was gone. 10 minutes after Matt and Angus went back home.
I said to skip I’m going back to the hotel and he just grabbed me and started making out with me and I tried to run and say stop but he just kept on taking my bikini bottoms off and I just froze, I was crying and I tried to shout help but he put his hand around my mouth. I couldn’t do anything I was like viewing myself while this was happening and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.
After I ran back to the hotel. I was a mess. I said to maya I just got raped and her response was “I’m too drunk to deal with you.” Then I called my mum up and she bought me the morning after pill.
That broke me, and trust me the rest of that holiday was weird. When we got back home I blocked her.
Last year (2023) I got myself a boyfriend and I was calling and messaging skip. I feel like I am in love with skip. And I got really pissed last year and I started crying out his name because I felt like that was the only genuine person that loved me. My boyfriend left me because he thought it was weird that I’m doing that.
Still to this day, I’m still messaging him sometimes. And my whole rape is taking over my mind. It changed my whole personality. Am I a bad person? Was my rape my fault because I stayed behind? This whole thing has really fucked up my view of love because I tend to go for the boys who don’t give a fuck about me now.
Hi.
I’m really not sure how to start this but I am a F (19) and my rapist is M (34) in 2024.
Growing up, I never got male attention, I was quite a chubby child so I never had a boyfriend or anything.
I graduated high school in 2022 and as my graduation present I went away with my (ex) best friend (maya) to an island in Indonesia.
Things were going really well between maya and myself. While we were over there we met a group of these Indonesian boys. (Angus, Matt, and skip) They were really nice and they took us to get out first tattoo beside our boobs. (Just a small love heart) and I friended all of them on Facebook.
On the 1st of November 2022 we were all hanging out at the beach and maya and myself were 17 and I was still a virgin. We both got really drunk off this unknown alcoholic drink and we were near the hotel where we were staying. It was around 7pm and maya was going back to the hotel to talk with her boyfriend and I said to her I will follow after Angus, Matt and skip was gone. 10 minutes after Matt and Angus went back home.
I said to skip I’m going back to the hotel and he just grabbed me and started making out with me and I tried to run and say stop but he just kept on taking my bikini bottoms off and I just froze, I was crying and I tried to shout help but he put his hand around my mouth. I couldn’t do anything I was like viewing myself while this was happening and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.
After I ran back to the hotel. I was a mess. I said to maya I just got raped and her response was “I’m too drunk to deal with you.” Then I called my mum up and she bought me the morning after pill.
That broke me, and trust me the rest of that holiday was weird. When we got back home I blocked her.
Last year (2023) I got myself a boyfriend and I was calling and messaging skip. I feel like I am in love with skip. And I got really pissed last year and I started crying out his name because I felt like that was the only genuine person that loved me. My boyfriend left me because he thought it was weird that I’m doing that.
Still to this day, I’m still messaging him sometimes. And my whole rape is taking over my mind. It changed my whole personality. Am I a bad person? Was my rape my fault because I stayed behind? This whole thing has really fucked up my view of love because I tend to go for the boys who don’t give a fuck about me now.
