Vermilioncore
I know what frailty is, I know what the fear is
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2019
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I know this is going to sound terrible and I know im going to get an awful lot of hate but I need to get it off my chest so I thought I’d create a throwaway.
Me and my husband met in our late teens. I’m 37 he’s 38. We both hung around a bad crowd and I got up to some stuff but he was always well behaved despite hanging around some wrong uns. His friends even gave him the nickname “soap” like the character from Lock Stock who isn’t a criminal despite hanging around criminals.
When I was younger I loved a bad boy and that’s what first attracted to hanging around with my husband and his friends. They were the toughest lot at school and that continued after we left school. They would sell drugs and stolen goods and all drove nice cars. My husband was an apprentice baker at the time and he was definitely good looking and had that rough look about him but he did really well at school and could have gone to practically any uni in the UK but didn’t want to sit a classroom anymore. He was the perfect blend of bad boy and safety.
We got together and his friends were in and out of prison and the police took a particular interest in my husband thinking that he was some higher up criminal because he wasn’t getting caught. Truth was he wasn’t getting caught because he wasn’t doing anything. I can remember not long after we moved in together the police raided our flat and dragged him away in cuffs and I’ll admit I loved the neighbours seeing that happen, thinking that we were some sort of gangster couple. Especially when all his friends came round that night to celebrate him being released with no charge.
Anyway as the years have gone on I’ve started to see a softening in the way my husband acts and talks that matches his personality more. He dresses more plainly and still has the tattoos but doesn’t wear the jewellery, shaved his head now as he’s going bald, still looks after himself but he goes cycling and plays tennis now rather than boxing and lifting weights. It’s started to really turn me off him. I don’t want a soft man I want a tough guy. He’s tall as well, 6’2 but acts like a mouse.
He still has the same group of friends but my husband looks so out of place when they take group photos or hang out I get embarrassed by him. This sounds so stupid typing it out but I get jealous of the other wives and girlfriends going to visit their men in prison. One of his friends got a long time in prison and me and my husband both write to him separately as I knew him first and my husband even allowed me to post him a few naughty pictures of myself but even that turns me off because I think a real man wouldn’t want his wife doing that! A real man would get mad at me and mad at his friend not take the fucking photos to send him!
The final straw came yesterday when I knew I had to do something about this. One of his friends girlfriends came to see us today and brought her young daughter along to play with our daughter. While we were talking the girls went in to the kitchen and were talking to my husband. When we realised they’d been gone a while we went to check them and found the three of them baking cookies together. The girls were loving it and were laughing and cutting shapes in the dough to bake and they ended throwing flour at my husband covering him and he scooped them up in each arm and they all ended up covered in flour. My friend took a photo and put it on Insta saying how much the girls loved baking with him.
Everyone comment saying how sweet it was etc. i just wanted to vomit and couldn’t stand to be near him to the point I made up a lie about my work ringing me so I could leave the house. I feel terrible for being so repulsed by him being a good guy! When I got home we got in to bed and he tried it on but I wasn’t in the mood and said no and he said no problem and even that pissed me off. I wanted him to fight for my affection and not take no for an answer!
How do I get past this? Can I get past this? Do I leave him and let him get with someone he deserves and me get with someone who I want to be with? Or do I stay and hope these feelings surpass?
Tldr: husband grew up I didn’t.
Me and my husband met in our late teens. I’m 37 he’s 38. We both hung around a bad crowd and I got up to some stuff but he was always well behaved despite hanging around some wrong uns. His friends even gave him the nickname “soap” like the character from Lock Stock who isn’t a criminal despite hanging around criminals.
When I was younger I loved a bad boy and that’s what first attracted to hanging around with my husband and his friends. They were the toughest lot at school and that continued after we left school. They would sell drugs and stolen goods and all drove nice cars. My husband was an apprentice baker at the time and he was definitely good looking and had that rough look about him but he did really well at school and could have gone to practically any uni in the UK but didn’t want to sit a classroom anymore. He was the perfect blend of bad boy and safety.
We got together and his friends were in and out of prison and the police took a particular interest in my husband thinking that he was some higher up criminal because he wasn’t getting caught. Truth was he wasn’t getting caught because he wasn’t doing anything. I can remember not long after we moved in together the police raided our flat and dragged him away in cuffs and I’ll admit I loved the neighbours seeing that happen, thinking that we were some sort of gangster couple. Especially when all his friends came round that night to celebrate him being released with no charge.
Anyway as the years have gone on I’ve started to see a softening in the way my husband acts and talks that matches his personality more. He dresses more plainly and still has the tattoos but doesn’t wear the jewellery, shaved his head now as he’s going bald, still looks after himself but he goes cycling and plays tennis now rather than boxing and lifting weights. It’s started to really turn me off him. I don’t want a soft man I want a tough guy. He’s tall as well, 6’2 but acts like a mouse.
He still has the same group of friends but my husband looks so out of place when they take group photos or hang out I get embarrassed by him. This sounds so stupid typing it out but I get jealous of the other wives and girlfriends going to visit their men in prison. One of his friends got a long time in prison and me and my husband both write to him separately as I knew him first and my husband even allowed me to post him a few naughty pictures of myself but even that turns me off because I think a real man wouldn’t want his wife doing that! A real man would get mad at me and mad at his friend not take the fucking photos to send him!
The final straw came yesterday when I knew I had to do something about this. One of his friends girlfriends came to see us today and brought her young daughter along to play with our daughter. While we were talking the girls went in to the kitchen and were talking to my husband. When we realised they’d been gone a while we went to check them and found the three of them baking cookies together. The girls were loving it and were laughing and cutting shapes in the dough to bake and they ended throwing flour at my husband covering him and he scooped them up in each arm and they all ended up covered in flour. My friend took a photo and put it on Insta saying how much the girls loved baking with him.
Everyone comment saying how sweet it was etc. i just wanted to vomit and couldn’t stand to be near him to the point I made up a lie about my work ringing me so I could leave the house. I feel terrible for being so repulsed by him being a good guy! When I got home we got in to bed and he tried it on but I wasn’t in the mood and said no and he said no problem and even that pissed me off. I wanted him to fight for my affection and not take no for an answer!
How do I get past this? Can I get past this? Do I leave him and let him get with someone he deserves and me get with someone who I want to be with? Or do I stay and hope these feelings surpass?
Tldr: husband grew up I didn’t.
