i scare the hoes

[Antipsychotics]

my disconnect from others is too great, my silence and inability to talk around women scares them. i recently went out with a woman, pretty latina girl and i immediately felt the disconnect. all we did was smoke and the most enjoyable part of our time that night was when we were playfully arguing about whether or not there was geese in a pond. it was dark out, she thought it was rocks, i told her it was geese and she wouldnt believe me, i eventually had to go get my high power flashlight and prove to her that geese were in fact present. that moment in time felt so natural and like we were actually connecting, but it was so meaningless. all over some fucking geese. and then i went right back to being horribly awkward and socially inadequate. i hate my fucking life and i hate the fact that i am unable to connect with people and women in general. i dropped her off and the whole 20 plus minute drive i did not say a word. such a fucking failure. i blocked her and disabled my instagram after that. my failure was too great. i will not allow myself to ever even try to connect again.

today a girl that had shown previous interest in me snapped me out of the blue. not a full face pic but the side of her face and her hair was in it. she was in a car. no clue why she did that as i left her on open for over 2 weeks, but i opened it, then immediately blocked her. im a fucking failure with women. the only women ive been with (2) i only got with the first one cause i wasnt worried about what she thought cause we met at a summer camp, and i rizzed the hoe up. and the second was the just the first girl to tell me that she liked me, plus my friend group at the time was socially manipulating me toward this relationship. but none it worked out, im thankful for the companionship but it was only temporary, and years ago now. i am a fucking failure and i have no reason to live anymore

 

[kana]

relate

 

[reiftile]

Just be confident jfl