I think i have a cheating fetish on my boyfriend, as a virgin

[ElySioNs]

I, 18F have a boyfriend 23M. We arent physical but that is my choice because i am a virgin and im not completely ready to lose my virginity. (I have held hands, hugged, kissed just not anything beyond that). Despite this, i do have a secret fantasy of having someone who my boyfriend doesnt know about. Someone who fucks me harder than my boyfriend probably ever will, uses me like a toy and disrespects me. I dont know where any of this comes from as im too scared to do anything really, just something that im into and have masturbated to. I dont have any ill intentions with my boyfriend and i wouldnt cheat on him. Its just an idea that makes me aroused but its something i wouldnt act on. Can anyone help me with the guilt that this fantasy comes with? I dont know how to express it to my boyfriend or if i ever could because i am so afraid of hurting him and making him feel inadequate, or also the trust issues that will occur as he would suspect me of cheating.

 

[motiascension]

This ain’t eyes wide shut bhai

 

[ksawery miks]

avg foid tfd

 

[BrutalMogger]

TL;DR:
tyrone