i was groomed.

[ubicuse]

I was groomed and now I have a r*p kink​

Btw this would not be performed on anyone else. This would be performed on me.
I was groomed online from the age of 11-16 on and off. I sent pictures, I received pictures. Everything was anonymous tho, so I will never get justice for myself or anyone else. It was multiple different people. It was apps similar to Omegle so no identification really.
I lost my virginity at 17, and every time I would cry afterwards. This was not because I was sad. I was overwhelmed. That went away after a while. I was always very open with my boyfriend about being cool with anything including BDSM, but as I got older, I realised I wanted something else.
At one point, me and my partner began to look for bisexual hookups so we could explore together, but every time he asked my preference, I would say I wanted it to be a middle age to older man. I wanted them to dom me and take advantage of me. Due to us being horny at the time, I didn’t really think much of it. It wasn’t until the heat cooled down that I realised how fucked it was.
Looking into it more deeply, I realised I just wanted someone to fully take advantage of me without my input, even if it was multiple people. When I am not horny, this thought disgusts me. I knew that my preference was just people older than me, but this took it to a new extreme. This was like people my dad’s age or older. It makes me feel sick to write out.
I’m not really sure what to do about this info? I don’t know if this is something I should go to therapy for, or if it’s something I should try out to kinda see if it’s just a kink or whatever.
Because of the grooming, from a young age I wanted to be a pornstar, but I put on weight and didn’t want to do it as I got older. I knew growing up I wanted attention from older guys tho. I don’t even really know why I’m still typing this.

What are your thoughts?

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