afroheadluke
🗣️Voicecel🗣️
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2024
- Posts
- 4,494
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I'm feeling really lost right now. I try to put together a nice outfit, try a few different poses, but I still feel like I don't measure up to today’s standard. No matter how hard I try, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ll never be enough. It feels like there's no hope for me, like I have no potential. I just don’t get it—whenever I’m around girls, whether it's in person or online, they seem to be scared of me for no reason. I try to be kind, but they still say I come across as intimidating. I just want to do well, I really do, but it’s so tough when it feels like everyone’s just waiting to bring me down. I would never hurt anyone, but I can’t understand why some people seem so frightened by me. Maybe I’m just too unattractive to even look at in the first place.
They even twisted my words to make it seem as if I was being hateful towards people of Islam. We were just making a documentary about the dangers of Discord, and they took one clip where I was doing an impression of the average e boy, and again made me seem like something I’m not. I can't escape the grip of these horrible people. Every single moment, every day, it dominates my thoughts. What could I have done differently? The life I could have lived? It feels like I'm just a ghost of who I used to be. I feel stuck between coping or giving up. I’m almost starting to feel like it's over for me, and I wonder if I should just hold on a little longer. Once I turn 18, if my surgeries don't make me feel better, I don't see how I could go on. For the next year or so, I feel like I'll just rot in my room, overwhelmed with regret over the chances I missed and the life I never got to live. Maybe I'll find a job, or try something new, but even if I change everything about myself, I can't shake the memories of those kids in that terrible server. No matter how much I plead, no matter how much I try, the cause of my depression and anxiety will never really go away. It just feels like there’s no hope left for me.
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