I wish I could redo my teenage years now

[luuk]

Now that I’ve turned 20 I realise that I completely wasted my teens until 18 1/2. Like COMPLETELY. It took me until I went to uni to start living and even then I haven’t figured it out yet.

All I did from 13-18 was hang out with the same incel friend group (where we barely chilled irl outside of school and just spent 6hrs+ on the game whenever we could), did the bare minium in school (naturally gifted so got straight 9s in GCSEs and A*s/As in A levels) and rotted online. I didn’t work out or exercise, ate like shit, didn’t take care of my appearance (was near subhuman and delusionally thought I was gl). I’m envious seeing how aware and locked in some of the teenagers are here. Discovering org 4 years earlier would have saved my life

I had no romantic or sexual experiences during this time. Had like one girl have a crush on me (and she was genuine wife material I think about her a lot) and I messed it up and thought I was too good for her because I used to be a delusional narcissistic retard. Was a KHHV until almost 19

I didn’t even study, if I had been locked into that I could’ve went to Cambridge or started a business or something. I just did the bare minimum and so I fucked up the admissions test and did zero extracurriculars. Didn’t get a job either, zero work experience before uni. Got into a good but not internationally prestigious uni at least and everything changed for me here, but I could have been so much more

I’ve completely reinvented myself but it all mentally screwed me up. I’m borderline as shit, nihilistic, bitterly envious and resentful, paranoid and just generally an abused dog. I don’t really have any dreams any more, other than a fantastical idea of love with the kind of woman that doesn’t exist. Like its genuinely all I care about.

My degree is interesting at best but I don’t have a “dream job”, I have nothing but hate for the system we live in. But I also don’t dream about muh “getting rich and escaping the matrix” or obtaining some worthless flashy car that will fill no hole inside you

Idk man this is just another mindless vent but I can never escape my burden of wasted youth and potential. I’ll never get it back

 

[tansel]

join the club man

 

[alladinbvs]

too relatable, if i locked in in the gym and wasnt a lazy bum i wouldve had a sex life

 

[astatin]

You can't change the past. So you can stay here and whine about how you fucked your life up or you can accept what happened and move on, even trying to find good in the way you grew up.

 

[ascendtocl122]

Gg nothing to do abt it now

 

[underwearremover]

taking action now though. more than what most people who were in your situation would do

 

[ascendtocl122]

You can't change the past. So you can stay here and whine about how you fucked your life up or you can accept what happened and move on, even trying to find good in the way you grew up.

W

 

[luuk]

You can't change the past. So you can stay here and whine about how you fucked your life up or you can accept what happened and move on, even trying to find good in the way you grew up.

For sure, its just I feel so apathetic now
I am just generally demoralised

I have unfavourable brain chemistry and fall into the same cycles over and over despite understanding them completely. People with the combination of traits I share live like 30 years less on avg because half of them just off themselves.

I don’t have a dream to fight for. I don’t hold hope for my future, my country’s future, the species’ future. I don’t see much of a future unless something radical changes about my life. I am too inhibited to follow my most absurd fantasies and I am truly trying to fix this but it just isn’t working.

If there is any good in what I experienced its probably that it hardened me immensely. But in a robotic, broken kind of way. I could probably just carry on lifelessly at near any misfortune at this point because I’ve come to accept it. I hardly feel guilt or empathy any more because my body just shut that off ages ago.

 

[23years2late]

i feel you bro, but dont waste the present thinking about how youve ruined your past. No amount of crying or feeling bad about it will change anything about the past, but what it can and will change is the present, i was in the exact same situation as you and wasted even more years thinking about how ive fucked it up already and that put me even further behind. You realised what youve done and what is wrong, now you gotta figure out what can fix it, not for the sake of the past but for the future. Dont ruin your present and future, be happy you got any form of experience both good and bad because they all have meaning.
As for the job/system aspect im in a similar boat, went to uni dropped so much money on loans and shit, im still in uni because i had to extend my degree time because i fucked a lot of shit up, and tbh im working for a job in a field i dont really like but that doesnt matter, im not working towards a lavish car or lavish lifestyle, im looking for a job where i can support my own hobbies as that is what i enjoy, and i pray i make enough money to make a happy family, even if i dislike the work im doing i hope one day i can come home to a wife who lovingly welcomes me home from work with care and love, and can happen regardless of how much i wasted my time in my teen years as it only matters what i do now.

 

[luuk]

Gg nothing to do abt it now

Time is the only thing we can’t get back

 

[luuk]

i feel you bro, but dont waste the present thinking about how youve ruined your past. No amount of crying or feeling bad about it will change anything about the past, but what it can and will change is the present, i was in the exact same situation as you and wasted even more years thinking about how ive fucked it up already and that put me even further behind. You realised what youve done and what is wrong, now you gotta figure out what can fix it, not for the sake of the past but for the future. Dont ruin your present and future, be happy you got any form of experience both good and bad because they all have meaning.

The problem isn’t just what happened, but what it made me become
Like I can’t unfuck my brain now
The identity solidifies in adolesence. Sustained changes in your patterns of experience can slowly remould it, but I would need to be happy and feel loved for more than a day at a time for this to be the case

As for the job/system aspect im in a similar boat, went to uni dropped so much money on loans and shit, im still in uni because i had to extend my degree time because i fucked a lot of shit up, and tbh im working for a job in a field i dont really like but that doesnt matter, im not working towards a lavish car or lavish lifestyle, im looking for a job where i can support my own hobbies as that is what i enjoy, and i pray i make enough money to make a happy family, even if i dislike the work im doing i hope one day i can come home to a wife who lovingly welcomes me home from work with care and love, and can happen regardless of how much i wasted my time in my teen years as it only matters what i do now.

The cruel irony for me is that I don’t even think I could be satisfied with a peaceful but mundane life. I just function off of brief manic periods and depressive spirals. I don’t even know if I could sustain stability. If this isn’t a transient period and is actually what I am then I’m probably not making it to 40

If any of you guys are familiar with lucasegolifts I feel like my brain chemistry and overall experience is similar to him except I’m less body dysmorphic but much more ND