I would like to apologize for my little crash out.

[TheLightOfMyLife]

I almost certainly have some kind of untreated mental illness if that was not blatantly obvious. Like not in the meme sense, I have actual problems and it is very easy for me to just snap and completely change from the way I was from one moment to another, and I have very little control over my emotions. Suicidal ideation is a daily occurrence for me as well as having a constant mental monologue bathing me in self hatred, which literally does not stop unless I manage to focus myself intensely on something else or sleep.


Anyways, I think I just needed to get all of those emotions out. I don't even think the girl herself was the main problem, but rather this overarching issue of being completely and wholly undesirable based on my physical appearance alone. I know good and well that it isn't my personality or any of those soft skills holding me back. While I have a very damaging mental state, I am sure it could be easily overcome given the right kind of social rewards/environment if I have the correct physical appearance. But I do not, and this will never change. SO I must get over it. I know that and have known that. It's just the actual doing that is hard. It's hard to accept your limits, even if you would otherwise consider yourself "blackpilled", because rationally understanding that something is true is not quite the same as believing it.

I invested a lot of time and effort into this girl. Truthfully she never showed any real interest in me. The whole time I never felt like she cared about me or that she even valued me as more than a source of temporary entertainment. Our conversations were more or less one sided with me being the one to initiate most of it and her being reactive. She even admitted that I am "not her type" physically as well as admitting that I was more into her than she was into me. This of course, was after admitting that she was, in her words, "yandere" towards her former tall white skinny boyfriends. As such, I can admit that perhaps many of my feelings were based on something that I wished to be true rather than the reality of my circumstances. Yet, like many, I am a man who lives through his dreams. If the reality I see before me is so cruel, so incongruent with my desires, how could I wish to look at that when I could instead look towards my delusions? There was nothing there and I was grasping at thin air.

I will try to move on from this with what little grace I still can. I accept my genetic defeat. I accept that I had no chance and that this was always doomed to end in heartbreak. Going forward, I would like to try and be more content of my life as someone who is meant to be alone rather than endlessly pining over something which could never be. Sorry all for dumping this insanity and whiny shit onto you.

@greycel @CEO

 

[isis_Bleach]

Nah it was based, dw

 

[guard]

just be faggot, women are shit

 

[greycel]

You’re good no need to apologise

But also don’t act as if you missed out. If your relationship with her did go forwards, it wouldn’t have been even close to the level it will be with your future wife

 

[CEO]

@TheLightOfMyLife Hey my brother Z, props to you opening up like this it takes a lot to be that honest, especially when you're in a dark place. First off, you're not alone in feeling this way, even if it feels like you're carrying this weight solo. I never was fond of therapy, but I genuinely think it would help to talk to a professional about all of this. You don’t have to keep fighting these thoughts in your own head.

As for the girl, I hear you bro. You can't win em all for sure and yes ofc the BP is beyond real. We all know the truth, but outliers always exist. There's always a way to get what you're looking for. Seriously bro I think you should geomaxx or something.

We (you know which few people) are here for you, genuinely. No judgment, no pressure, just support. And I hope you let yourself get help when you're ready. not because you're weak, but because you're worth fighting for. God bless bro.

 

[CEO]

just be faggot, women are shit

Yo guard, check general chat, wanted to quickly share with you some crazy shit

 

[Balten]

I almost certainly have some kind of untreated mental illness if that was not blatantly obvious. Like not in the meme sense, I have actual problems and it is very easy for me to just snap and completely change from the way I was from one moment to another, and I have very little control over my emotions. Suicidal ideation is a daily occurrence for me as well as having a constant mental monologue bathing me in self hatred, which literally does not stop unless I manage to focus myself intensely on something else or sleep.


Anyways, I think I just needed to get all of those emotions out. I don't even think the girl herself was the main problem, but rather this overarching issue of being completely and wholly undesirable based on my physical appearance alone. I know good and well that it isn't my personality or any of those soft skills holding me back. While I have a very damaging mental state, I am sure it could be easily overcome given the right kind of social rewards/environment if I have the correct physical appearance. But I do not, and this will never change. SO I must get over it. I know that and have known that. It's just the actual doing that is hard. It's hard to accept your limits, even if you would otherwise consider yourself "blackpilled", because rationally understanding that something is true is not quite the same as believing it.

I invested a lot of time and effort into this girl. Truthfully she never showed any real interest in me. The whole time I never felt like she cared about me or that she even valued me as more than a source of temporary entertainment. Our conversations were more or less one sided with me being the one to initiate most of it and her being reactive. She even admitted that I am "not her type" physically as well as admitting that I was more into her than she was into me. This of course, was after admitting that she was, in her words, "yandere" towards her former tall white skinny boyfriends. As such, I can admit that perhaps many of my feelings were based on something that I wished to be true rather than the reality of my circumstances. Yet, like many, I am a man who lives through his dreams. If the reality I see before me is so cruel, so incongruent with my desires, how could I wish to look at that when I could instead look towards my delusions? There was nothing there and I was grasping at thin air.

I will try to move on from this with what little grace I still can. I accept my genetic defeat. I accept that I had no chance and that this was always doomed to end in heartbreak. Going forward, I would like to try and be more content of my life as someone who is meant to be alone rather than endlessly pining over something which could never be. Sorry all for dumping this insanity and whiny shit onto you.

@greycel @CEO

DNRD

 

[CEO]

@TheLightOfMyLife as usual ignore the subhuman faggot trolls you'll get on this thread. Majority of the users on here are depraved clinical retards (we already know this). I appreciate you taking the time to reach out and shit. Have a goodnight, peace.

 

[TheLightOfMyLife]

@TheLightOfMyLife Hey my brother Z, props to you opening up like this it takes a lot to be that honest, especially when you're in a dark place. First off, you're not alone in feeling this way, even if it feels like you're carrying this weight solo. I never was fond of therapy, but I genuinely think it would help to talk to a professional about all of this. You don’t have to keep fighting these thoughts in your own head.

As for the girl, I hear you bro. You can't win em all for sure and yes ofc the BP is beyond real. We all know the truth, but outliers always exist. There's always a way to get what you're looking for. Seriously bro I think you should geomaxx or something.

A lot of us are here for you, genuinely. No judgment, no pressure, just support. And I hope you let yourself get help when you're ready. not because you're weak, but because you're worth fighting for. God bless bro.

Thank you. I was kind of being a dismissive little asshole toward everyone earlier who was being supportive of me during my little moment. I appreciate it though.
I may consider therapy. I had been thinking about it, but for whatever reason always found myself backing out. I don't really have anyone I can truly share these feelings with and expect to be heard. My mother will sometimes listen and be open minded, but it often feels like everything that I say to her just registers as radio noise she is desperately trying to find signal in.
It may be the same with a therapist, but perhaps someone experienced might be able to understand a little better? I will look more into it.

Again, thank you for your kindness to this incel in need.

 

[Maalik]

@TheLightOfMyLife Hey my brother Z, props to you opening up like this it takes a lot to be that honest, especially when you're in a dark place. First off, you're not alone in feeling this way, even if it feels like you're carrying this weight solo. I never was fond of therapy, but I genuinely think it would help to talk to a professional about all of this. You don’t have to keep fighting these thoughts in your own head.

As for the girl, I hear you bro. You can't win em all for sure and yes ofc the BP is beyond real. We all know the truth, but outliers always exist. There's always a way to get what you're looking for. Seriously bro I think you should geomaxx or something.

A lot of us are here for you, genuinely. No judgment, no pressure, just support. And I hope you let yourself get help when you're ready. not because you're weak, but because you're worth fighting for. God bless bro.

Reddits me

 

[Maalik]

i am opposite.
I feel so Numb i havent felt actual anger in ages.
Sign of a defeated psyche

 

[TheLightOfMyLife]

i am opposite.
I feel so Numb i havent felt actual anger in ages.
Sign of a defeated psyche

I don't know what it is. You would think I would be jaded at this tired old age of 26, but it's as if my emotions are this enormous spring with geysers all over the top. It's constantly full and will randomly erupt whenever the pressure builds up too much. I always feel so sad or so angry. I never have moments of numbness. It's a nonstop flurry of emotions all the time and it is exhausting.

 

[Maalik]

Your emotion Engine is power and sentience.
you should feel happy you feel things intensely.
I've been trying to stop being a Grey husk for a year.
very hard to change ur brain circuit at my age (23)