Sasukecel
18yo sub5 nonNT 5'7 blackcel
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2024
- Posts
- 169
- Reputation
- 446
I don't say that in vain or jest, because I just don't want to be viewed as a lolcow anymore.
The virality of the videos stripped every bit of dignity I had, and it took everything away from me. I now have nothing, literally.
Due to the nature of public humiliation, and the video being spread across my University Campus, I now am a lolcow, online and in real life. I don't have friends at all. Because I have a forever tarnished reputation. Even these forums. I left incels.is because I don't feel internally that even incels actually care about me. I feel infantilized in which even if I want to rebuild my life, and make a post on how I want to try to wipe the videos from the internet, I get jokes and people dismisingly saying "Oh, it's getting annoying now, why don't you just move on?" Or the doomers which say "Honestly, it doesn't matter if the videos get removed or not, your life was over anyways, just find some enjoyable copes." That's not the message I wanted to hear. I don't feel at all connected to my family. I don't have friends or family atp.
I have no reputation. People only know me as the lolcow. I did self improvement before, but now no amount of work or self improvement will make me respected as a human being, and that's probably the biggest reason I ask myself "What's the point of being alive, then?"
I now have a myriad of mental health issues. Shame, humiliation, depression, suicidal thoughts. And due to that, I stopped working out, I fell behind in University to the point where I'm now failing my classes. I tried to study, but I can't keep up in hard classes like Calculus when the only thing I do is text the suicide hotline and think about the FitxFearless video. I applied for jobs, but the same logic applied. I can't even believe in God. I can't enjoy anything.
I had dreams and goals which were crushed. I wanted to "get back at the bullies." Become successful, inspirational, grow a YouTube Channel, start buisnesses, but that's not going to happen. My goal was to be a YouTuber at 16, whilst my vids are shit, I tried to learn thumbnails, Capcut, but because of the FitXFearless video, I'm now recommended to ditch all of it. And there's the trolls/wackos.
Getting dm's on Instagram "Kill yourself you west African freak... you're an embarassment to your family." There was one guy in the YouTube comment section, he went to my .is profile, started reading it, then wrote a comment under the fitxfearless video trying to make fun of me for "calling the suicide hotline and watching the video over 200 times."
People don't understand it's not just online shit, it's legitimately taken everything. My pride, my health, my reputation, my mental health, my dignity. I have to live the rest of my life getting hate and mockery. I have to live the rest of my life as a humiliation. All of my old friends from Middle School, Elementary School, they saw me get humiliated. They saw the "never had sex" thumbnail, big giant red arrow, and I was fucking 17. Think about how slimy it is for the people on discord to peer pressure a gullible 17 year old neurodivergent teenager into going on a livecall, and telling him "lie about your age, say you're 21, ask fit about the surgery." I didn't even take the call fucking seriously because I had no idea who this guy was or the fact that his business model was to clip up the livestreams for views. Did I know it would be posted for millions to see? I didn't.
The call destroyed everything I had. 7 minutes, 4 months ago, destroyed fucking everything I had.
I want to rebuild my life, I have suicidal thoughts daily but I don't want to kill myself. I think I need professional assistance. It goes far beyond internet bullshit, it'a affected all aspects of my life. When I say professional assistance, I don't mean just therapy. I was anti-therapy since I was 14 because I viewed it as bluepilled, but I probably do need professional help, a lawyer that can help remove the FitXFearless videos because at this point you all saw the videos, you know how humiliating it is, you know how much it destroys my reputation.
At this point, it's not even bluepilled to seek professional mental health bs, because it's bluepilled if you're just fat and depressed, but if I'm watching gore and thinking about hypotheticals like hanging myself tying a sweater on my bunk bed or jumping off the high staircase at my University, and multiple people agree that my entire life is over at 18, and my situation is on the same level as a Veteran with fucking PTSD, because at least the Veteran has family and praise, whilst i have no one and I'm a fucking public humiliation, then I probably do need professional help and a lawyer because I literally want to kill myself every single day because I hate being a humiliation after I tried self improvement at 16 (if you don't believe me, look at my physique pictures on twitter/instagram) and the fact I have to say "if you don't believe I tried hard because of the fitxfearless video", that only proves my point on how much the video fucked me over.
Having the FitXFearless videos up of me is worse than hypothetically having CSAM of me due to the fact it wouldn't ruin my reputation and entire life. If I was 17 and I was setup to do that and it went viral on multiple platforms, the law would try very hard to take it down.
I couldn't even have a normal University life or experience. It ruined my 18th birthday. It ruined my transition into adulthood. I remember actually getting a death threat on Instagram.
I was setup to be publicly humiliated on social media and it ruined my entire life.
I'll say it right now and I adamantly mean it. If I can't get the videos wiped from the internet, I will kill myself because the humiliation is too much to bear.
It destroyed my entire fucking life so not just the official videos, but the reactions, the livestream, the reuploads, the reposts, I want it all removed from the internet. Tiktok, youtube, instagram, I want all copies of the video to be removed because it was non-consensual (I didn't know what I was signing up for, and was not aware it would be posted for millions of views) public defamation of a minor (then 17 year old) and it destroyed my entire fucking life. What's the reperation for almost killing myself? For destroying my entire reputation? Publicly huniliated in front of millions under the guise of help. Lost every "friend" from High School, I had to take loans for the University I'm in, and even if I study hard now, I'm truthfully not going to pass the classes. My entire transition to adulthood/being 18 was destroyed. My little brother tells me "shut the fuck up, you're annoying" to my face because he can, I have no reputation now because of the FitXFearless video. I truly have nothing. All my dreams are dead and goals have failed. What can I do in my situation? I'll do anything and be mocked and humiliated.
I just want all of the videos to be taken down. I fucking hate living.
The virality of the videos stripped every bit of dignity I had, and it took everything away from me. I now have nothing, literally.
Due to the nature of public humiliation, and the video being spread across my University Campus, I now am a lolcow, online and in real life. I don't have friends at all. Because I have a forever tarnished reputation. Even these forums. I left incels.is because I don't feel internally that even incels actually care about me. I feel infantilized in which even if I want to rebuild my life, and make a post on how I want to try to wipe the videos from the internet, I get jokes and people dismisingly saying "Oh, it's getting annoying now, why don't you just move on?" Or the doomers which say "Honestly, it doesn't matter if the videos get removed or not, your life was over anyways, just find some enjoyable copes." That's not the message I wanted to hear. I don't feel at all connected to my family. I don't have friends or family atp.
I have no reputation. People only know me as the lolcow. I did self improvement before, but now no amount of work or self improvement will make me respected as a human being, and that's probably the biggest reason I ask myself "What's the point of being alive, then?"
I now have a myriad of mental health issues. Shame, humiliation, depression, suicidal thoughts. And due to that, I stopped working out, I fell behind in University to the point where I'm now failing my classes. I tried to study, but I can't keep up in hard classes like Calculus when the only thing I do is text the suicide hotline and think about the FitxFearless video. I applied for jobs, but the same logic applied. I can't even believe in God. I can't enjoy anything.
I had dreams and goals which were crushed. I wanted to "get back at the bullies." Become successful, inspirational, grow a YouTube Channel, start buisnesses, but that's not going to happen. My goal was to be a YouTuber at 16, whilst my vids are shit, I tried to learn thumbnails, Capcut, but because of the FitXFearless video, I'm now recommended to ditch all of it. And there's the trolls/wackos.
Getting dm's on Instagram "Kill yourself you west African freak... you're an embarassment to your family." There was one guy in the YouTube comment section, he went to my .is profile, started reading it, then wrote a comment under the fitxfearless video trying to make fun of me for "calling the suicide hotline and watching the video over 200 times."
People don't understand it's not just online shit, it's legitimately taken everything. My pride, my health, my reputation, my mental health, my dignity. I have to live the rest of my life getting hate and mockery. I have to live the rest of my life as a humiliation. All of my old friends from Middle School, Elementary School, they saw me get humiliated. They saw the "never had sex" thumbnail, big giant red arrow, and I was fucking 17. Think about how slimy it is for the people on discord to peer pressure a gullible 17 year old neurodivergent teenager into going on a livecall, and telling him "lie about your age, say you're 21, ask fit about the surgery." I didn't even take the call fucking seriously because I had no idea who this guy was or the fact that his business model was to clip up the livestreams for views. Did I know it would be posted for millions to see? I didn't.
The call destroyed everything I had. 7 minutes, 4 months ago, destroyed fucking everything I had.
I want to rebuild my life, I have suicidal thoughts daily but I don't want to kill myself. I think I need professional assistance. It goes far beyond internet bullshit, it'a affected all aspects of my life. When I say professional assistance, I don't mean just therapy. I was anti-therapy since I was 14 because I viewed it as bluepilled, but I probably do need professional help, a lawyer that can help remove the FitXFearless videos because at this point you all saw the videos, you know how humiliating it is, you know how much it destroys my reputation.
At this point, it's not even bluepilled to seek professional mental health bs, because it's bluepilled if you're just fat and depressed, but if I'm watching gore and thinking about hypotheticals like hanging myself tying a sweater on my bunk bed or jumping off the high staircase at my University, and multiple people agree that my entire life is over at 18, and my situation is on the same level as a Veteran with fucking PTSD, because at least the Veteran has family and praise, whilst i have no one and I'm a fucking public humiliation, then I probably do need professional help and a lawyer because I literally want to kill myself every single day because I hate being a humiliation after I tried self improvement at 16 (if you don't believe me, look at my physique pictures on twitter/instagram) and the fact I have to say "if you don't believe I tried hard because of the fitxfearless video", that only proves my point on how much the video fucked me over.
Having the FitXFearless videos up of me is worse than hypothetically having CSAM of me due to the fact it wouldn't ruin my reputation and entire life. If I was 17 and I was setup to do that and it went viral on multiple platforms, the law would try very hard to take it down.
I couldn't even have a normal University life or experience. It ruined my 18th birthday. It ruined my transition into adulthood. I remember actually getting a death threat on Instagram.
I was setup to be publicly humiliated on social media and it ruined my entire life.
I'll say it right now and I adamantly mean it. If I can't get the videos wiped from the internet, I will kill myself because the humiliation is too much to bear.
It destroyed my entire fucking life so not just the official videos, but the reactions, the livestream, the reuploads, the reposts, I want it all removed from the internet. Tiktok, youtube, instagram, I want all copies of the video to be removed because it was non-consensual (I didn't know what I was signing up for, and was not aware it would be posted for millions of views) public defamation of a minor (then 17 year old) and it destroyed my entire fucking life. What's the reperation for almost killing myself? For destroying my entire reputation? Publicly huniliated in front of millions under the guise of help. Lost every "friend" from High School, I had to take loans for the University I'm in, and even if I study hard now, I'm truthfully not going to pass the classes. My entire transition to adulthood/being 18 was destroyed. My little brother tells me "shut the fuck up, you're annoying" to my face because he can, I have no reputation now because of the FitXFearless video. I truly have nothing. All my dreams are dead and goals have failed. What can I do in my situation? I'll do anything and be mocked and humiliated.
I just want all of the videos to be taken down. I fucking hate living.
