D
Deleted member 23865
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- Nov 14, 2022
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I started consuming blackpill content in october and even though I think it'll be good for me in the long term, since having this knowledge is really useful, it has ruined my mental health for the past 4 months. I've had crazy mood swings (although tbf I already did before) and at times I've felt completely hopeless, depressed or even suicidal. there have been a few days when, for example, I was bored, I had nothing to do, so I watched a tails video. day (or even week) ruined, and I start rotting bc I don't see the point anymore in doing anything. I'm gonna stop consuming bp content or reading this forum, I know most things I need to know and being here does to me much more harm than good. and if I need to learn anything about looksmaxxing, I can just search it on youtube or this forum, skipping the suifuel blackpill content.
I have to work to become the best version of myself. I'm not gonna kms bc I wanna live even though I've felt like shit lately, and I'm not gonna ldar forever. And deep down I know that my height (5'5", 4.5" below avg in my country) isn't my only problem, but also being non NT, late bloomer (I'm 20 rn, and yes in my experience it has been a disadvantage), wasting my teen years playing video games, not socialising nearly as much as I could have, not giving a shit about my clothes or hair... yes, I'm very genetically disadvantaged and probably mentally ill, but I'm not gonna give up. and if I ever can afford it, I'll consider getting LL.
Last thing I wanna add: the main reason why the blackpill has made me depressed af isn't that life isn't fair (water), that "chads" have it easier or thinking that I'll remain virgin forever despite trying; again, deep down I've always known this wouldn't be true if I actually tried, I'm not ugly, I have htn potential after looksmaxxing, yeah I'll never slay stacies but it is what it is. it's feeling like I'm a genetic failure, it doesn't matter if we have absolutely zero control over our genetics, it made me feel like shit. our value, from a biological perspective, is tied to our genes and therefore I have no reason to live, is what I thought some days. it was mentally devastating. being pretty much socially isolated since september doesn't help either. I legit believed that it doesn't matter how much I work, I will never be happy, have the life I want or be who I wanna be.
tomorrow I'm going to the gym after 3 weeks of rotting. I'm deleting the account later today, maybe in the future I'll come back once I'm not mentally insane
I have to work to become the best version of myself. I'm not gonna kms bc I wanna live even though I've felt like shit lately, and I'm not gonna ldar forever. And deep down I know that my height (5'5", 4.5" below avg in my country) isn't my only problem, but also being non NT, late bloomer (I'm 20 rn, and yes in my experience it has been a disadvantage), wasting my teen years playing video games, not socialising nearly as much as I could have, not giving a shit about my clothes or hair... yes, I'm very genetically disadvantaged and probably mentally ill, but I'm not gonna give up. and if I ever can afford it, I'll consider getting LL.
Last thing I wanna add: the main reason why the blackpill has made me depressed af isn't that life isn't fair (water), that "chads" have it easier or thinking that I'll remain virgin forever despite trying; again, deep down I've always known this wouldn't be true if I actually tried, I'm not ugly, I have htn potential after looksmaxxing, yeah I'll never slay stacies but it is what it is. it's feeling like I'm a genetic failure, it doesn't matter if we have absolutely zero control over our genetics, it made me feel like shit. our value, from a biological perspective, is tied to our genes and therefore I have no reason to live, is what I thought some days. it was mentally devastating. being pretty much socially isolated since september doesn't help either. I legit believed that it doesn't matter how much I work, I will never be happy, have the life I want or be who I wanna be.
tomorrow I'm going to the gym after 3 weeks of rotting. I'm deleting the account later today, maybe in the future I'll come back once I'm not mentally insane
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