I'm exhausted

[SubhumanityForce]

I'm sick of everything. I'm sick of feeling the way I feel, I'm sick of feeling a bit ashamed, because it's always the "think about people with actual problems, diseases, syndromes, poverty, etc" but it's not like I'm seeking attention or anything. My life is pretty much a living hell. I am a shadow of myself, any fragment of joy that's been left is now gone, I'm pushing my graduation for 2 years now because I'm deferring pieces of coursework and dissertation all the time. I'm not even stressed as much about that because what I will have from now on, is a living hell behind a screen, 9 to 5 trying to find meaning and purpose with the money I will get. Which, to be honest is pretty much worthless. Everyone on this forum knows very well what it takes to live a good life, and it's not money. Sure it helps, ONLY if you have the fundamental. The pillar. I'm tired of people victim blaming others (and by extension, me) for being alone, suggesting that they should fix their mentality. Anything but to admit they were extremely lucky and it's nothing about their mindset or personality that have them a good life, but honestly, a random assembly of their skull bones. Literally this. What is even more painful is instead of doing anything else before my uni kicks me out, I'm constantly trying to understand what went wrong and I ended up on this forum. What went wrong during puberty? What went wrong during development? I see my 2 parents worrying but incapable of helping me. They more or less know why I'm in dispair, I gave them hints. Im always in the same room with them observing them while they talk, while they turn to the side, and sometimes they can tell in doing it, they just ignore it. But I can see my mom's expressions, and it's always that embarassment that she got me "measuring" her and my father, that kills me. How did I end up here? How did the offspring of those 2 end up browsing THIS FORUM?




how was it even possible to end up considering ending things? I'm growing older and I'm battling between having hopes that I can find what's wrong and fix it vs nothing matters from a certain age onwards. My life has Been practically on hold/frozen for at least 5 years now.

 

[ilovewater]

the org effect

 

[beebeem_]

 

[Darkeningstar]

I'm sick of everything. I'm sick of feeling the way I feel, I'm sick of feeling a bit ashamed, because it's always the "think about people with actual problems, diseases, syndromes, poverty, etc" but it's not like I'm seeking attention or anything. My life is pretty much a living hell. I am a shadow of myself, any fragment of joy that's been left is now gone, I'm pushing my graduation for 2 years now because I'm deferring pieces of coursework and dissertation all the time. I'm not even stressed as much about that because what I will have from now on, is a living hell behind a screen, 9 to 5 trying to find meaning and purpose with the money I will get. Which, to be honest is pretty much worthless. Everyone on this forum knows very well what it takes to live a good life, and it's not money. Sure it helps, ONLY if you have the fundamental. The pillar. I'm tired of people victim blaming others (and by extension, me) for being alone, suggesting that they should fix their mentality. Anything but to admit they were extremely lucky and it's nothing about their mindset or personality that have them a good life, but honestly, a random assembly of their skull bones. Literally this. What is even more painful is instead of doing anything else before my uni kicks me out, I'm constantly trying to understand what went wrong and I ended up on this forum. What went wrong during puberty? What went wrong during development? I see my 2 parents worrying but incapable of helping me. They more or less know why I'm in dispair, I gave them hints. Im always in the same room with them observing them while they talk, while they turn to the side, and sometimes they can tell in doing it, they just ignore it. But I can see my mom's expressions, and it's always that embarassment that she got me "measuring" her and my father, that kills me. How did I end up here? How did the offspring of those 2 end up browsing THIS FORUM?




how was it even possible to end up considering ending things? I'm growing older and I'm battling between having hopes that I can find what's wrong and fix it vs nothing matters from a certain age onwards. My life has Been practically on hold/frozen for at least 5 years now.

I understand you

 

[MostGLSlayer]

Yeah once uni is over and you start wageslaving, it only gets worse.

 

[vampmaxxer]

I'm sick of everything. I'm sick of feeling the way I feel, I'm sick of feeling a bit ashamed, because it's always the "think about people with actual problems, diseases, syndromes, poverty, etc" but it's not like I'm seeking attention or anything. My life is pretty much a living hell. I am a shadow of myself, any fragment of joy that's been left is now gone, I'm pushing my graduation for 2 years now because I'm deferring pieces of coursework and dissertation all the time. I'm not even stressed as much about that because what I will have from now on, is a living hell behind a screen, 9 to 5 trying to find meaning and purpose with the money I will get. Which, to be honest is pretty much worthless. Everyone on this forum knows very well what it takes to live a good life, and it's not money. Sure it helps, ONLY if you have the fundamental. The pillar. I'm tired of people victim blaming others (and by extension, me) for being alone, suggesting that they should fix their mentality. Anything but to admit they were extremely lucky and it's nothing about their mindset or personality that have them a good life, but honestly, a random assembly of their skull bones. Literally this. What is even more painful is instead of doing anything else before my uni kicks me out, I'm constantly trying to understand what went wrong and I ended up on this forum. What went wrong during puberty? What went wrong during development? I see my 2 parents worrying but incapable of helping me. They more or less know why I'm in dispair, I gave them hints. Im always in the same room with them observing them while they talk, while they turn to the side, and sometimes they can tell in doing it, they just ignore it. But I can see my mom's expressions, and it's always that embarassment that she got me "measuring" her and my father, that kills me. How did I end up here? How did the offspring of those 2 end up browsing THIS FORUM?




how was it even possible to end up considering ending things? I'm growing older and I'm battling between having hopes that I can find what's wrong and fix it vs nothing matters from a certain age onwards. My life has Been practically on hold/frozen for at least 5 years now.

based on ur parents i assume u cant be that bad looking. Js wage slave get surgery and move to japan or some country with high appeal for white men

 

[Kroker]

What's holding you off not taking action?

Maybe you're depressed? Hop on SSRIs?

I'm in the same situation been like this since July 2019

 

[Moggkrates]

Same after a certain point live just became a matter of surviving and reducing suffering. I plan on working part time and living minimalistic, because why tf should one make his life more miserable with more wageslaving, if the base to be happy isnt even there. I also wanna rope when my parents are dead, because i have chronic pain and am mostly dependent on them.