Im on the edge of collapse please help me

[Hernan]

@Volksstaffel @RXnd @Gengar @Orc @Debetro

There’s so many problems here and I can’t just hear “hold on bro” anymore I’m sick of it.

I’ve said it some times already but I’ve got 5 extra exams right, all at the end of August.
I’m staying until August 10th here in Colombia. So I got vacation but at the same time I don’t. I’m switching “directions” so one is one year of German. Not bad.

The other exams are all math. Because I received some mercy 3 topics got scrapped. One easy, one long and the third one tying in to the second and being relatively difficult but not very.

Now, since my total result on the end year was bad, I gotta do everything again.
That means from September, so I got three topics scrapped but got added 6 extra, and they’re all functions (mostly). And it just fucking sucks but that’s not even the worst of it. That’s the easiest part, I got 4 books in total to learn. So basically I got 32 hours of math exams each being 8 hours.

The last one is by far the hardest and I already studied all for the first exam.
Busy with the second rn so I’m kinda on schedule if you don’t count German but I can make it work German is the least of my concerns.

Now what really makes this fucking torture is my piece of shit bitch mother, anything that remotely even makes me happy or non-sad/angry I can’t access. Besides my pc obviously, she didn’t even pay for a gym here so for the month I’m here I’m gonna get set back a piece again all because she didn’t care enough to listen to my literal only request.

The room is noisy, it’s right next to a busy road and a kind of disco so it’s always fucking noisy. I can’t pick what to eat and just eat what is given and I don’t even want 50% of it.

Now you may ask, “But Hernan can’t you just pay for your own food, stay at another hotel and pay your own gym membership?”

My parents never give me money and at the same time prohibit me from working a job because they need me to study for my fucking studies. This is my only accessible bank account btw.

The few that I did get occasionally isn’t given to me anymore because my stupid shit mother find out I smoked BECAUSE of the immense stress, depression, misery and pressure I felt was put on me made WORSE because of her and then she made it even worse taking away one of the few “copes” I had.

Now, I did get the chance to work here, for a shit wage probably (but the prices are cheaper so it cancels out) and i don’t even know if i still want to take that job but now my demon possessed mother tells me that “I will make her look bad” and basically that i have to. Waking up at 5:00 to be ready at 6:00 until 13:00 I think (I will work half-time) every day and also trying to study either 1 entire subject’s theory OR all its exercises a day of math AND some German.

To make this even worse I know these assholes are spying on me, I’m staying at my family’s hotel but don’t be mistaken it’s all because of my mother, I’d probably die on the street if I were homeless. Last year I knew, this year I thought maybe finally they would fuck off and mind their own fucking business but no my mother asked me 15 minutes ago “What are you doing so late? Watching bullshit probably, asking advice to strangers on the internet.” So that confirms it because I was on another site checking stuff out. So to any fucking piece of shit reading this, family or employee idgaf actually fucking kill yourself.

Finally, the last nail in my crucifixion feeling (maybe) “God sent punishment” is that my year depends on this fucking shit so if I don’t make it I have to be the loser who redoes a year (again) and I’ll most definitely kill myself IF that happens and I’ve told many people but ofcourse nobody cares.

I told my mother “like when I said I’d leave the house and never come back. You better believe me now.” And I did run away, that’s another story. And my dad called and asked where I was and said “if you don’t say where you are right now the police will come searching for you.” And I was ready to even throw my phone away so they can’t sim track me. I bought some bread otw to the location I was going to and all so I had some food for the night and I had some water too.

But as you know the abused dog syndrome is what it is and I, a stupid idiotic imbecile fool told them where I was and they picked me up and I broke contact with the guy for a while cus my mother wanted to find out who he was so I cut contact to protect him and prevent that shit.

To be really straightforward and honest I’ve been severely depressed these couple years with nobody to support me and it’s all going downhill and it keeps going downhill. The whooole time. I try to distract myself with cheap shit but ofcourse it’s not gonna improve anything because that’s not how depression works. Even my parents forcing me to go to a psychologist did jack fucking shit to me, only made me even more angry that something else was yet again forced onto me.

@RXnd The invisible song is all fun with the memes but I really don’t have a voice in my life. I have no mouth and I must scream.
<<if any knows that.>>


And ofcourse i said I would kill myself several times but I was never not-serious about it or joking. Death and taking your own life or anyone else’s life is quite a serious matter to me. The adrenaline and rage goes away and then you’re just too scared to do it you know?

The fear of jumping comes back, or the fear of OD’ing. I don’t even got the drugs to OD jfl that’s just pathetic ngl. I can’t even order coloured contacts or they get thrown away (which happened btw).

But I’m serious when I tell you the chance is always there that I just decide to go crazy and end it.

And with that I mean before the fear comes back.

And with all this misery and toxic waste spewed out of me I think that’s enough.
It’s 01:00 by the time i post this and i better get some sleep.

To anyone reading this until here or partially thanks a lot and I hope you have a great day and enjoy your time some.

Please help me I can’t figure this out anymore.

Spoiler

id understand a DNR with this length.

 

[134applesauce456]

32 hours of exams? yea ur living in biblically accurate hell im so sorry bhai

 

[Hernan]

@PrinceLuenLeoncur I should have tagged you at the crucifixion part.

 

[Hernan]

32 hours of exams? yea ur living in biblically accurate hell im so sorry bhai

And that’s only math. German too, and then ONLY then I get allowed to do my final year of misery less than a week after. So basically 0 pause between two years.

 

[Narroworbits]

Dnr but ain’t no referees up in heaven

 

[CD34]

Dnr but volks is bamned

 

[134applesauce456]

I read the entire thing and its simply brutal
how old are you? ur parents are schizoid and overly controlling and you need to get away from them
is this happening in highschool or college (idk if Germany works like that)

 

[ProBono]

32 hours of exams? yea ur living in biblically accurate hell im so sorry bhai

legit bro I'd actually just go on a rampage in this situation

 

[WonkyChin186]

32 hours of exams? yea ur living in biblically accurate hell im so sorry bhai

 

[PrinceLuenLeoncur]

@Volksstaffel @RXnd @Gengar @Orc @Debetro

There’s so many problems here and I can’t just hear “hold on bro” anymore I’m sick of it.

I’ve said it some times already but I’ve got 5 extra exams right, all at the end of August.
I’m staying until August 10th here in Colombia. So I got vacation but at the same time I don’t. I’m switching “directions” so one is one year of German. Not bad.

The other exams are all math. Because I received some mercy 3 topics got scrapped. One easy, one long and the third one tying in to the second and being relatively difficult but not very.

Now, since my total result on the end year was bad, I gotta do everything again.
That means from September, so I got three topics scrapped but got added 6 extra, and they’re all functions (mostly). And it just fucking sucks but that’s not even the worst of it. That’s the easiest part, I got 4 books in total to learn. So basically I got 32 hours of math exams each being 8 hours.

The last one is by far the hardest and I already studied all for the first exam.
Busy with the second rn so I’m kinda on schedule if you don’t count German but I can make it work German is the least of my concerns.

Now what really makes this fucking torture is my piece of shit bitch mother, anything that remotely even makes me happy or non-sad/angry I can’t access. Besides my pc obviously, she didn’t even pay for a gym here so for the month I’m here I’m gonna get set back a piece again all because she didn’t care enough to listen to my literal only request.

The room is noisy, it’s right next to a busy road and a kind of disco so it’s always fucking noisy. I can’t pick what to eat and just eat what is given and I don’t even want 50% of it.

Now you may ask, “But Hernan can’t you just pay for your own food, stay at another hotel and pay your own gym membership?”
View attachment 3944939
My parents never give me money and at the same time prohibit me from working a job because they need me to study for my fucking studies. This is my only accessible bank account btw.

The few that I did get occasionally isn’t given to me anymore because my stupid shit mother find out I smoked BECAUSE of the immense stress, depression, misery and pressure I felt was put on me made WORSE because of her and then she made it even worse taking away one of the few “copes” I had.

Now, I did get the chance to work here, for a shit wage probably (but the prices are cheaper so it cancels out) and i don’t even know if i still want to take that job but now my demon possessed mother tells me that “I will make her look bad” and basically that i have to. Waking up at 5:00 to be ready at 6:00 until 13:00 I think (I will work half-time) every day and also trying to study either 1 entire subject’s theory OR all its exercises a day of math AND some German.

To make this even worse I know these assholes are spying on me, I’m staying at my family’s hotel but don’t be mistaken it’s all because of my mother, I’d probably die on the street if I were homeless. Last year I knew, this year I thought maybe finally they would fuck off and mind their own fucking business but no my mother asked me 15 minutes ago “What are you doing so late? Watching bullshit probably, asking advice to strangers on the internet.” So that confirms it because I was on another site checking stuff out. So to any fucking piece of shit reading this, family or employee idgaf actually fucking kill yourself.

Finally, the last nail in my crucifixion feeling (maybe) “God sent punishment” is that my year depends on this fucking shit so if I don’t make it I have to be the loser who redoes a year (again) and I’ll most definitely kill myself IF that happens and I’ve told many people but ofcourse nobody cares.

I told my mother “like when I said I’d leave the house and never come back. You better believe me now.” And I did run away, that’s another story. And my dad called and asked where I was and said “if you don’t say where you are right now the police will come searching for you.” And I was ready to even throw my phone away so they can’t sim track me. I bought some bread otw to the location I was going to and all so I had some food for the night and I had some water too.

But as you know the abused dog syndrome is what it is and I, a stupid idiotic imbecile fool told them where I was and they picked me up and I broke contact with the guy for a while cus my mother wanted to find out who he was so I cut contact to protect him and prevent that shit.

To be really straightforward and honest I’ve been severely depressed these couple years with nobody to support me and it’s all going downhill and it keeps going downhill. The whooole time. I try to distract myself with cheap shit but ofcourse it’s not gonna improve anything because that’s not how depression works. Even my parents forcing me to go to a psychologist did jack fucking shit to me, only made me even more angry that something else was yet again forced onto me.

@RXnd The invisible song is all fun with the memes but I really don’t have a voice in my life. I have no mouth and I must scream.
<<if any knows that.>>


And ofcourse i said I would kill myself several times but I was never not-serious about it or joking. Death and taking your own life or anyone else’s life is quite a serious matter to me. The adrenaline and rage goes away and then you’re just too scared to do it you know?

The fear of jumping comes back, or the fear of OD’ing. I don’t even got the drugs to OD jfl that’s just pathetic ngl. I can’t even order coloured contacts or they get thrown away (which happened btw).

But I’m serious when I tell you the chance is always there that I just decide to go crazy and end it.

And with that I mean before the fear comes back.

And with all this misery and toxic waste spewed out of me I think that’s enough.
It’s 01:00 by the time i post this and i better get some sleep.

To anyone reading this until here or partially thanks a lot and I hope you have a great day and enjoy your time some.

Please help me I can’t figure this out anymore.

Spoiler

id understand a DNR with this length.

Look dude I lost my job on Saturday. I wanted to rope I went through alll the stage of grief I wanted it to end why tf was I born etc. my job was high stress and very dangerous and I’d finish at dangerous times at midnight and have an 1hr walk home. Point is it’s brutal brother very brootal now I’m a poorcel again but on my way home from my meeting on Monday I bumped into a 22 yr old homeless boy and we spoke a bit I gave him my drink that I had and he was grateful and let him make a phone call. Point is it could be worse

I won’t deny it a part of that still remains in me

I have been sleeping for 12 hours since Saturday all because a racist cunt again tried to fight me in work and so I was gonna fuck him up badly no mercy this time.


Anyways I did confession I spoke to my priest and he gave me advise told us we all are nothing but god has a propose for us all whatever that is and our situation could be worse like Gaza and Congo kids. My honest advice so to go to a orthodox priest a good one and do confession with him I can say it helped me and I’m not as depressed as I was before

Not all your thoughts are your own many are from the demons. But I won’t deny it I wanna die I want it all to end myself. But confession and the Jesus prayer always come in clutch for this shit

This is why I hate Protestantism they don’t have anything to help, no saints, no confession, no advice. It’s fucked

 

[CD34]

I sympathize with the pain of having to take impossible tests, I've been getting depressed for the same reason recently

 

[Hernan]

I read the entire thing and its simply brutal
how old are you? ur parents are schizoid and overly controlling and you need to get away from them
is this happening in highschool or college (idk if Germany works like that)

Im 17, I’ve told them and I’ve tried. High school but one of those elite kinds I regret ever going to. It’s Belgium for me not Germany.

legit bro I'd actually just go on a rampage in this situation

The place I’m staying at has a pretty high rooftop that could kill and I’m seriously thinking of just sitting there tomorrow and ill make a decision then if it’s still worth it or not.

Look dude I lost my job on Saturday. I wanted to rope I went through alll the stage of grief I wanted it to end why tf was I born etc. my job was high stress and very dangerous and I’d finish at dangerous times at midnight and have an 1hr walk home. Point is it’s brutal brother very brootal now I’m a poorcel again but on my way home from my meeting on Monday I bumped into a 22 yr old homeless boy and we spoke a bit I gave him my drink that I had and he was grateful and let him make a phone call. Point is it could be worse

I won’t deny it a part of that still remains in me

I have been sleeping for 12 hours since Saturday all because a racist cunt again tried to fight me in work and so I was gonna fuck him up badly no mercy this time.


Anyways I did confession I spoke to my priest and he gave me advise told us we all are nothing but god has a propose for us all whatever that is and our situation could be worse like Gaza and Congo kids. My honest advice so to go to a orthodox priest a good one and do confession with him I can say it helped me and I’m not as depressed as I was before

Not all your thoughts are your own many are from the demons. But I won’t deny it I wanna die I want it all to end myself. But confession and the Jesus prayer always come in clutch for this shit

This is why I hate Protestantism they don’t have anything to help, no saints, no confession, no advice. It’s fucked

Yeah idk ill try to call one online tomorrow if I can. I feel your pain man I really do. You deserve so much better.

 

[superpsycho]

first long thread i haven’t dnrd in a while..

familypill is brutal man, hope your exams go well

i dont know what advice to really give though considering i can barely deal with my own.

 

[highinhibcel]

Good song

 

[134applesauce456]

Im 17, I’ve told them and I’ve tried. High school but one of those elite kinds I regret ever going to. It’s Belgium for me not Germany.

The place I’m staying at has a pretty high rooftop that could kill and I’m seriously thinking of just sitting there tomorrow and ill make a decision then if it’s still worth it or not.

Yeah idk ill try to call one online tomorrow if I can. I feel your pain man I really do. You deserve so much better.

I am so sorry bro you are very young and you are basically being abused ngl, your parents control you and take all ur shit for no reasoon. and you have an unreasonable amount of workload wtf they would never do this shit in the US , in US we have 1-3 hour exams jfl

do you see any path ahead? or anyway to escape this? remember suicide is not the only exit

maybe try and live with a friend, grandparents, reletaives who arent so strict

tell them about what ur parents are doing to you they will understand and maybe you can live there and regain some freedom


as for ur academics idk honestly i personaly would be cooked but try using AI for studying or youtube to learn concepts. and do the BARE minimum / whatever you need to do to simply pass, trying to perfect it all will be almost impossible

 

[RXnd]

@Volksstaffel @RXnd @Gengar @Orc @Debetro

There’s so many problems here and I can’t just hear “hold on bro” anymore I’m sick of it.

I’ve said it some times already but I’ve got 5 extra exams right, all at the end of August.
I’m staying until August 10th here in Colombia. So I got vacation but at the same time I don’t. I’m switching “directions” so one is one year of German. Not bad.

The other exams are all math. Because I received some mercy 3 topics got scrapped. One easy, one long and the third one tying in to the second and being relatively difficult but not very.

Now, since my total result on the end year was bad, I gotta do everything again.
That means from September, so I got three topics scrapped but got added 6 extra, and they’re all functions (mostly). And it just fucking sucks but that’s not even the worst of it. That’s the easiest part, I got 4 books in total to learn. So basically I got 32 hours of math exams each being 8 hours.

The last one is by far the hardest and I already studied all for the first exam.
Busy with the second rn so I’m kinda on schedule if you don’t count German but I can make it work German is the least of my concerns.

Now what really makes this fucking torture is my piece of shit bitch mother, anything that remotely even makes me happy or non-sad/angry I can’t access. Besides my pc obviously, she didn’t even pay for a gym here so for the month I’m here I’m gonna get set back a piece again all because she didn’t care enough to listen to my literal only request.

The room is noisy, it’s right next to a busy road and a kind of disco so it’s always fucking noisy. I can’t pick what to eat and just eat what is given and I don’t even want 50% of it.

Now you may ask, “But Hernan can’t you just pay for your own food, stay at another hotel and pay your own gym membership?”
View attachment 3944939
My parents never give me money and at the same time prohibit me from working a job because they need me to study for my fucking studies. This is my only accessible bank account btw.

The few that I did get occasionally isn’t given to me anymore because my stupid shit mother find out I smoked BECAUSE of the immense stress, depression, misery and pressure I felt was put on me made WORSE because of her and then she made it even worse taking away one of the few “copes” I had.

Now, I did get the chance to work here, for a shit wage probably (but the prices are cheaper so it cancels out) and i don’t even know if i still want to take that job but now my demon possessed mother tells me that “I will make her look bad” and basically that i have to. Waking up at 5:00 to be ready at 6:00 until 13:00 I think (I will work half-time) every day and also trying to study either 1 entire subject’s theory OR all its exercises a day of math AND some German.

To make this even worse I know these assholes are spying on me, I’m staying at my family’s hotel but don’t be mistaken it’s all because of my mother, I’d probably die on the street if I were homeless. Last year I knew, this year I thought maybe finally they would fuck off and mind their own fucking business but no my mother asked me 15 minutes ago “What are you doing so late? Watching bullshit probably, asking advice to strangers on the internet.” So that confirms it because I was on another site checking stuff out. So to any fucking piece of shit reading this, family or employee idgaf actually fucking kill yourself.

Finally, the last nail in my crucifixion feeling (maybe) “God sent punishment” is that my year depends on this fucking shit so if I don’t make it I have to be the loser who redoes a year (again) and I’ll most definitely kill myself IF that happens and I’ve told many people but ofcourse nobody cares.

I told my mother “like when I said I’d leave the house and never come back. You better believe me now.” And I did run away, that’s another story. And my dad called and asked where I was and said “if you don’t say where you are right now the police will come searching for you.” And I was ready to even throw my phone away so they can’t sim track me. I bought some bread otw to the location I was going to and all so I had some food for the night and I had some water too.

But as you know the abused dog syndrome is what it is and I, a stupid idiotic imbecile fool told them where I was and they picked me up and I broke contact with the guy for a while cus my mother wanted to find out who he was so I cut contact to protect him and prevent that shit.

To be really straightforward and honest I’ve been severely depressed these couple years with nobody to support me and it’s all going downhill and it keeps going downhill. The whooole time. I try to distract myself with cheap shit but ofcourse it’s not gonna improve anything because that’s not how depression works. Even my parents forcing me to go to a psychologist did jack fucking shit to me, only made me even more angry that something else was yet again forced onto me.

@RXnd The invisible song is all fun with the memes but I really don’t have a voice in my life. I have no mouth and I must scream.
<<if any knows that.>>


And ofcourse i said I would kill myself several times but I was never not-serious about it or joking. Death and taking your own life or anyone else’s life is quite a serious matter to me. The adrenaline and rage goes away and then you’re just too scared to do it you know?

The fear of jumping comes back, or the fear of OD’ing. I don’t even got the drugs to OD jfl that’s just pathetic ngl. I can’t even order coloured contacts or they get thrown away (which happened btw).

But I’m serious when I tell you the chance is always there that I just decide to go crazy and end it.

And with that I mean before the fear comes back.

And with all this misery and toxic waste spewed out of me I think that’s enough.
It’s 01:00 by the time i post this and i better get some sleep.

To anyone reading this until here or partially thanks a lot and I hope you have a great day and enjoy your time some.

Please help me I can’t figure this out anymore.

Spoiler

id understand a DNR with this length.

I am also still studying all day I fucking want to die

I waste my time on TikTok and just get paranoid all day

 

[MadkhaliMogger]

Look dude I lost my job on Saturday. I wanted to rope I went through alll the stage of grief I wanted it to end why tf was I born etc. my job was high stress and very dangerous and I’d finish at dangerous times at midnight and have an 1hr walk home. Point is it’s brutal brother very brootal now I’m a poorcel again but on my way home from my meeting on Monday I bumped into a 22 yr old homeless boy and we spoke a bit I gave him my drink that I had and he was grateful and let him make a phone call. Point is it could be worse

I won’t deny it a part of that still remains in me

I have been sleeping for 12 hours since Saturday all because a racist cunt again tried to fight me in work and so I was gonna fuck him up badly no mercy this time.


Anyways I did confession I spoke to my priest and he gave me advise told us we all are nothing but god has a propose for us all whatever that is and our situation could be worse like Gaza and Congo kids. My honest advice so to go to a orthodox priest a good one and do confession with him I can say it helped me and I’m not as depressed as I was before

Not all your thoughts are your own many are from the demons. But I won’t deny it I wanna die I want it all to end myself. But confession and the Jesus prayer always come in clutch for this shit

This is why I hate Protestantism they don’t have anything to help, no saints, no confession, no advice. It’s fucked

@AA_FM lol my abd is a sad nga

You my beech like Paul doe

 

[slaters]

How’s the girls in Columbia

 

[venom418]

@Volksstaffel @RXnd @Gengar @Orc @Debetro

There’s so many problems here and I can’t just hear “hold on bro” anymore I’m sick of it.

I’ve said it some times already but I’ve got 5 extra exams right, all at the end of August.
I’m staying until August 10th here in Colombia. So I got vacation but at the same time I don’t. I’m switching “directions” so one is one year of German. Not bad.

The other exams are all math. Because I received some mercy 3 topics got scrapped. One easy, one long and the third one tying in to the second and being relatively difficult but not very.

Now, since my total result on the end year was bad, I gotta do everything again.
That means from September, so I got three topics scrapped but got added 6 extra, and they’re all functions (mostly). And it just fucking sucks but that’s not even the worst of it. That’s the easiest part, I got 4 books in total to learn. So basically I got 32 hours of math exams each being 8 hours.

The last one is by far the hardest and I already studied all for the first exam.

Stopped reading after this
These are sub 120 iq problems
I ease through difficult exams with low effort
My exam has one of the lowest passing % in country top 7 definately

 

[boostlock]

 

[kolor]

@Volksstaffel @RXnd @Gengar @Orc @Debetro

There’s so many problems here and I can’t just hear “hold on bro” anymore I’m sick of it.

I’ve said it some times already but I’ve got 5 extra exams right, all at the end of August.
I’m staying until August 10th here in Colombia. So I got vacation but at the same time I don’t. I’m switching “directions” so one is one year of German. Not bad.

The other exams are all math. Because I received some mercy 3 topics got scrapped. One easy, one long and the third one tying in to the second and being relatively difficult but not very.

Now, since my total result on the end year was bad, I gotta do everything again.
That means from September, so I got three topics scrapped but got added 6 extra, and they’re all functions (mostly). And it just fucking sucks but that’s not even the worst of it. That’s the easiest part, I got 4 books in total to learn. So basically I got 32 hours of math exams each being 8 hours.

The last one is by far the hardest and I already studied all for the first exam.
Busy with the second rn so I’m kinda on schedule if you don’t count German but I can make it work German is the least of my concerns.

Now what really makes this fucking torture is my piece of shit bitch mother, anything that remotely even makes me happy or non-sad/angry I can’t access. Besides my pc obviously, she didn’t even pay for a gym here so for the month I’m here I’m gonna get set back a piece again all because she didn’t care enough to listen to my literal only request.

The room is noisy, it’s right next to a busy road and a kind of disco so it’s always fucking noisy. I can’t pick what to eat and just eat what is given and I don’t even want 50% of it.

Now you may ask, “But Hernan can’t you just pay for your own food, stay at another hotel and pay your own gym membership?”
View attachment 3944939
My parents never give me money and at the same time prohibit me from working a job because they need me to study for my fucking studies. This is my only accessible bank account btw.

The few that I did get occasionally isn’t given to me anymore because my stupid shit mother find out I smoked BECAUSE of the immense stress, depression, misery and pressure I felt was put on me made WORSE because of her and then she made it even worse taking away one of the few “copes” I had.

Now, I did get the chance to work here, for a shit wage probably (but the prices are cheaper so it cancels out) and i don’t even know if i still want to take that job but now my demon possessed mother tells me that “I will make her look bad” and basically that i have to. Waking up at 5:00 to be ready at 6:00 until 13:00 I think (I will work half-time) every day and also trying to study either 1 entire subject’s theory OR all its exercises a day of math AND some German.

To make this even worse I know these assholes are spying on me, I’m staying at my family’s hotel but don’t be mistaken it’s all because of my mother, I’d probably die on the street if I were homeless. Last year I knew, this year I thought maybe finally they would fuck off and mind their own fucking business but no my mother asked me 15 minutes ago “What are you doing so late? Watching bullshit probably, asking advice to strangers on the internet.” So that confirms it because I was on another site checking stuff out. So to any fucking piece of shit reading this, family or employee idgaf actually fucking kill yourself.

Finally, the last nail in my crucifixion feeling (maybe) “God sent punishment” is that my year depends on this fucking shit so if I don’t make it I have to be the loser who redoes a year (again) and I’ll most definitely kill myself IF that happens and I’ve told many people but ofcourse nobody cares.

I told my mother “like when I said I’d leave the house and never come back. You better believe me now.” And I did run away, that’s another story. And my dad called and asked where I was and said “if you don’t say where you are right now the police will come searching for you.” And I was ready to even throw my phone away so they can’t sim track me. I bought some bread otw to the location I was going to and all so I had some food for the night and I had some water too.

But as you know the abused dog syndrome is what it is and I, a stupid idiotic imbecile fool told them where I was and they picked me up and I broke contact with the guy for a while cus my mother wanted to find out who he was so I cut contact to protect him and prevent that shit.

To be really straightforward and honest I’ve been severely depressed these couple years with nobody to support me and it’s all going downhill and it keeps going downhill. The whooole time. I try to distract myself with cheap shit but ofcourse it’s not gonna improve anything because that’s not how depression works. Even my parents forcing me to go to a psychologist did jack fucking shit to me, only made me even more angry that something else was yet again forced onto me.

@RXnd The invisible song is all fun with the memes but I really don’t have a voice in my life. I have no mouth and I must scream.
<<if any knows that.>>


And ofcourse i said I would kill myself several times but I was never not-serious about it or joking. Death and taking your own life or anyone else’s life is quite a serious matter to me. The adrenaline and rage goes away and then you’re just too scared to do it you know?

The fear of jumping comes back, or the fear of OD’ing. I don’t even got the drugs to OD jfl that’s just pathetic ngl. I can’t even order coloured contacts or they get thrown away (which happened btw).

But I’m serious when I tell you the chance is always there that I just decide to go crazy and end it.

And with that I mean before the fear comes back.

And with all this misery and toxic waste spewed out of me I think that’s enough.
It’s 01:00 by the time i post this and i better get some sleep.

To anyone reading this until here or partially thanks a lot and I hope you have a great day and enjoy your time some.

Please help me I can’t figure this out anymore.

Spoiler

id understand a DNR with this length.

Just push through bro

 

[AA_FM]

@AA_FM lol my abd is a sad nga

You my beech like Paul doe

Classic christcucks and kafiroon

 

[Hernan]

first long thread i haven’t dnrd in a while..

Thx and

familypill is brutal man, hope your exams go well

i dont know what advice to really give though considering i can barely deal with my own.

best of luck.

I am so sorry bro you are very young and you are basically being abused ngl, your parents control you and take all ur shit for no reasoon. and you have an unreasonable amount of workload wtf they would never do this shit in the US , in US we have 1-3 hour exams jfl

do you see any path ahead? or anyway to escape this? remember suicide is not the only exit

Not really but we’ll see where it all goes.

maybe try and live with a friend, grandparents, reletaives who arent so strict

I don’t have any friends nor grandparents or close relatives. So yeah that’s a no.

tell them about what ur parents are doing to you they will understand and maybe you can live there and regain some freedom


as for ur academics idk honestly i personaly would be cooked but try using AI for studying or youtube to learn concepts. and do the BARE minimum / whatever you need to do to simply pass, trying to perfect it all will be almost impossible

I have to almost perfect it all because the results “need to be convincingly good that I have mastered the matters.”.

 

[Hernan]

How’s the girls in Columbia

Some hot, some like you would expect any average to look like.

 

[sigma boii]

Look dude I lost my job on Saturday. I wanted to rope I went through alll the stage of grief I wanted it to end why tf was I born etc. my job was high stress and very dangerous and I’d finish at dangerous times at midnight and have an 1hr walk home. Point is it’s brutal brother very brootal now I’m a poorcel again but on my way home from my meeting on Monday I bumped into a 22 yr old homeless boy and we spoke a bit I gave him my drink that I had and he was grateful and let him make a phone call. Point is it could be worse

I won’t deny it a part of that still remains in me

I have been sleeping for 12 hours since Saturday all because a racist cunt again tried to fight me in work and so I was gonna fuck him up badly no mercy this time.


Anyways I did confession I spoke to my priest and he gave me advise told us we all are nothing but god has a propose for us all whatever that is and our situation could be worse like Gaza and Congo kids. My honest advice so to go to a orthodox priest a good one and do confession with him I can say it helped me and I’m not as depressed as I was before

Not all your thoughts are your own many are from the demons. But I won’t deny it I wanna die I want it all to end myself. But confession and the Jesus prayer always come in clutch for this shit

This is why I hate Protestantism they don’t have anything to help, no saints, no confession, no advice. It’s fucked

You priest hates you