R
ropemaxxingrn
Iron
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2024
- Posts
- 21
- Reputation
- 16
I genuinely dont know what to do anymore i have sincerely tried to change since my failed attempt at killing myself by meds prescribed by the government psychiatrist two and a half years ago. I have tried every cope to become productive or just do something that fulfills me, deleting YouTube, eating healthy or something but I never stood on it anymore. Even worse, that my mind stands the same, I still have those disgusting BDP symptoms of extreme anger and emotions. I still look like shit.
Even during today’s conversation my gf with who I am for 2 years together already - said that I was slightly getting better since our relationship regarding my anger issues and overall childish egoistic attitude, and then something happened and I am basically almost back to square one.
The worst of all, that even in a blunt willpower I became lesser person - if two and half years ago I had the courage to commit to one thing, with a promise that if that doesnt work out in a limited by external circumstances timeframe of half a year - I would just kill myself, and I went through with my promise (failing miserably JFL). Now I dont have strength and courage even for that.
Maybe I am schizo, or that was just meds playing with my mind, but maybe I was right when I woke up from two days of non-stop sleep for two days, shocked that I am alive after mixing it with alcohol, I felt like things just became irreversibly worse, or outright sinister (not sure if right word, ESL).
Or I am just whining pussy JFL
Even during today’s conversation my gf with who I am for 2 years together already - said that I was slightly getting better since our relationship regarding my anger issues and overall childish egoistic attitude, and then something happened and I am basically almost back to square one.
The worst of all, that even in a blunt willpower I became lesser person - if two and half years ago I had the courage to commit to one thing, with a promise that if that doesnt work out in a limited by external circumstances timeframe of half a year - I would just kill myself, and I went through with my promise (failing miserably JFL). Now I dont have strength and courage even for that.
Maybe I am schizo, or that was just meds playing with my mind, but maybe I was right when I woke up from two days of non-stop sleep for two days, shocked that I am alive after mixing it with alcohol, I felt like things just became irreversibly worse, or outright sinister (not sure if right word, ESL).
Or I am just whining pussy JFL
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