D
diablo2k.
Iron
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2025
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Some personal shit rant.
Been dealing with existential shit since like 7-8 years ago, although I remember that as a kid I would think about those themes but they wouldn’t make me crashout (oh foid I wish that stayed that way).
Apeirophobia, thinking that if there’s no god there’s no purpose and if there’s god he may crashout and make us eternal pain, anything existential you name it I prob have had a crashout around it.
I tried everything, therapy, actually became rich and moved to Dubai lmao (now back to my country), a lot of things (i think the looksmaxing obsession is part of like OCD for avoiding the existential OCD).
My crahsouts were so bad I almost killed myself accidentally and even had racing thoughts about ending it all.
I saw the first beam of light around this when I took benzos and then when I took ashwagandha, (offlabel btw) benzos were just like 5 good hours were I saw that I didn’t have anxiety but I didn’t use that time to REALLY think about the fact that I didn’t have ANXIETY.
Then ash as I said helped even better because when those thoughts came I just couldn’t crashout on them.
But it stopped working, I was in that hole again, and going back was so painful but I tried to remember that those thoughts could be there without anxiety.
And thinking around all that no anxiety reaction experience is when my mind started to think different.
ChatGPT helped quiet a lot with constructing my new “mantra”.
What I do nowadays is just realize that those thoughts can come to my mind when I’m anxiety free and they just don’t hurt because they aren’t a real threat that I can avoid so my mind BIOLOGICALLY doesn’t have to react to it, those thoughts only hurt when I’m anxious.
What does that mean? Anxiety is an altered state of consciousness, is not the basal state, is my basal state doesn’t react to those thoughts, then, at least, I shouldn’t have panic attacks around them.
It’s a very long process, but I’m improving without any meds, if I go back to that hole I will fa hope on Zoloft because I know a lot of people found relieve on it (same exact EXISTENTIAL OCD so I know it works, but it comes with other effects)
Been dealing with existential shit since like 7-8 years ago, although I remember that as a kid I would think about those themes but they wouldn’t make me crashout (oh foid I wish that stayed that way).
Apeirophobia, thinking that if there’s no god there’s no purpose and if there’s god he may crashout and make us eternal pain, anything existential you name it I prob have had a crashout around it.
I tried everything, therapy, actually became rich and moved to Dubai lmao (now back to my country), a lot of things (i think the looksmaxing obsession is part of like OCD for avoiding the existential OCD).
My crahsouts were so bad I almost killed myself accidentally and even had racing thoughts about ending it all.
I saw the first beam of light around this when I took benzos and then when I took ashwagandha, (offlabel btw) benzos were just like 5 good hours were I saw that I didn’t have anxiety but I didn’t use that time to REALLY think about the fact that I didn’t have ANXIETY.
Then ash as I said helped even better because when those thoughts came I just couldn’t crashout on them.
But it stopped working, I was in that hole again, and going back was so painful but I tried to remember that those thoughts could be there without anxiety.
And thinking around all that no anxiety reaction experience is when my mind started to think different.
ChatGPT helped quiet a lot with constructing my new “mantra”.
What I do nowadays is just realize that those thoughts can come to my mind when I’m anxiety free and they just don’t hurt because they aren’t a real threat that I can avoid so my mind BIOLOGICALLY doesn’t have to react to it, those thoughts only hurt when I’m anxious.
What does that mean? Anxiety is an altered state of consciousness, is not the basal state, is my basal state doesn’t react to those thoughts, then, at least, I shouldn’t have panic attacks around them.
It’s a very long process, but I’m improving without any meds, if I go back to that hole I will fa hope on Zoloft because I know a lot of people found relieve on it (same exact EXISTENTIAL OCD so I know it works, but it comes with other effects)
