futureashtray
caylee cowan > your oneitis
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2023
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well as the title says I will turn 17 in a few days, and then each day the sound of being a legal adult will get louder and louder
many people “love” their birthdays because it is a “special” day and they eat a cake and several activities
i am no stranger to those said activities since my mother has a tradition of decorating and ordering me a cake and whatnot.
i personally enjoy my birthday due to the fact that it is one of the only days i am guaranteed to pick my restaurant of choice to eat.
but that is not what i want to talk about. what i want to talk about is how i am a failure.
i am such a failure that my whenever my father complains about my existence my mother has to brainstorm the positive.
my daily schedule whenever i am not going to school is to ldar on social media until the game i bet on started, and then i watch various games until they all finish which takes about 5-6 hours and then after i lose i consume more social media then fall asleep only to do it again the next day
that has been my life since march of last year.
i had dreams, i has goals, but now i realize it is all just fantasy
i wanted to be tall, but i needed funds to be able to afford the various hormones and peptides. unfortunately i never had enough. and that is the same for the orthodontic appliances i wanted to buy to fix my facial flaws.
i deeply regret not getting a job whenever i start my freshman year of highschool. and now here i am
i have theories i wanted to test out but I never had the funds for it
i also like how i use the word “had” instead of “have” like if i still cannot try to reach my goals but the point is that if i was never able to do it after 2 years what makes you think i will be ever able to do it now.
that does not mean i have given up. every day i still try but i have lost all hope.
many people “love” their birthdays because it is a “special” day and they eat a cake and several activities
i am no stranger to those said activities since my mother has a tradition of decorating and ordering me a cake and whatnot.
i personally enjoy my birthday due to the fact that it is one of the only days i am guaranteed to pick my restaurant of choice to eat.
but that is not what i want to talk about. what i want to talk about is how i am a failure.
i am such a failure that my whenever my father complains about my existence my mother has to brainstorm the positive.
my daily schedule whenever i am not going to school is to ldar on social media until the game i bet on started, and then i watch various games until they all finish which takes about 5-6 hours and then after i lose i consume more social media then fall asleep only to do it again the next day
that has been my life since march of last year.
i had dreams, i has goals, but now i realize it is all just fantasy
i wanted to be tall, but i needed funds to be able to afford the various hormones and peptides. unfortunately i never had enough. and that is the same for the orthodontic appliances i wanted to buy to fix my facial flaws.
i deeply regret not getting a job whenever i start my freshman year of highschool. and now here i am
i have theories i wanted to test out but I never had the funds for it
i also like how i use the word “had” instead of “have” like if i still cannot try to reach my goals but the point is that if i was never able to do it after 2 years what makes you think i will be ever able to do it now.
that does not mean i have given up. every day i still try but i have lost all hope.
