ElySioNs
Mercenary
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2021
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Hi everyone,
I, 32M, in a bit of a pickle and could use opinions and advice from random strangers on the internet about my marriage to my wife, 33F.
I married the love of my life in 2016 on the sunny shores of Maui. Everything seemed great until in 2017 she told me that she was polyamorous and that she wasn't being true to herself if she couldn't see other people during our marriage. At first I resisted and when it was apparent she was willing to divorce me to make this happen, I ended up acquiescing much to my chagrin. She brought home an unmotivated, pardon my French, F-Boy named Kevin and has been seeing him now for the past 7 years and as far as I'm aware hasn't seen anyone else during this time.
I don't know much about polyamorous relationships but as I've become less and less happy with the arrangement (that I'll break into further below) and started to do surface-level research, I think that I may be in a toxic relationship but I just don’t know if I’m over reacting.
She brings this guy over to our home and they hang out together. She wants him to go on our vacations with us. Her entire family knows about the relationship. Her friends know. She encourages me to be open about it and tell others. For the longest time we've talked about moving off the island and to California but those plans have stalled as "it's a lot more difficult for all of us to move together so it's really just not feasible." She loves to go and party with this guy. When I found out they weren't using a condom I told her that he needed to be and she got irate with me and said that it wasn't my business. I've asked her to stop seeing this specific person and she's said that would be a deal breaker in our relationship. They broke up at one point a few years ago and I was her crying shoulder, which was very difficult for me to hear about how heartbroken she was. They eventually got back together.
We've talked about having kids and she promises that she would stop seeing Kevin and any other men if we did have children together but I'm just not so sure. I've asked her to please stop seeing the same individual and to instead see other people but she refuses and seems to only have eyes for him. I'm the main provider in the family and she's only recently started working. When I asked her about us splitting the bills 50/50 and covering our own expenses outside of that she was irate and said that we "just weren't there yet."
When we met, we met at church and had a strong foundation in our mutual faith. Over time, she's stopped us from going to church because she's worried that she'll be judged unfairly for her lifestyle and doesn't want to be subjected to that. My relationship with my parents has been weakened over time and for the longest time I attributed it to my wife being right about them but now I'm just not so sure, we were always so close before I got married.
Reddit, what do I need to do here? I love this girl and I'm trying to just tune it out and focus on what I can control but it's just so difficult for me to completely get past this feeling that I'm not as important to her as she is to me. I never pictured myself being in a marriage like this and while I want it to work I'm just worried about the future.
I, 32M, in a bit of a pickle and could use opinions and advice from random strangers on the internet about my marriage to my wife, 33F.
I married the love of my life in 2016 on the sunny shores of Maui. Everything seemed great until in 2017 she told me that she was polyamorous and that she wasn't being true to herself if she couldn't see other people during our marriage. At first I resisted and when it was apparent she was willing to divorce me to make this happen, I ended up acquiescing much to my chagrin. She brought home an unmotivated, pardon my French, F-Boy named Kevin and has been seeing him now for the past 7 years and as far as I'm aware hasn't seen anyone else during this time.
I don't know much about polyamorous relationships but as I've become less and less happy with the arrangement (that I'll break into further below) and started to do surface-level research, I think that I may be in a toxic relationship but I just don’t know if I’m over reacting.
She brings this guy over to our home and they hang out together. She wants him to go on our vacations with us. Her entire family knows about the relationship. Her friends know. She encourages me to be open about it and tell others. For the longest time we've talked about moving off the island and to California but those plans have stalled as "it's a lot more difficult for all of us to move together so it's really just not feasible." She loves to go and party with this guy. When I found out they weren't using a condom I told her that he needed to be and she got irate with me and said that it wasn't my business. I've asked her to stop seeing this specific person and she's said that would be a deal breaker in our relationship. They broke up at one point a few years ago and I was her crying shoulder, which was very difficult for me to hear about how heartbroken she was. They eventually got back together.
We've talked about having kids and she promises that she would stop seeing Kevin and any other men if we did have children together but I'm just not so sure. I've asked her to please stop seeing the same individual and to instead see other people but she refuses and seems to only have eyes for him. I'm the main provider in the family and she's only recently started working. When I asked her about us splitting the bills 50/50 and covering our own expenses outside of that she was irate and said that we "just weren't there yet."
When we met, we met at church and had a strong foundation in our mutual faith. Over time, she's stopped us from going to church because she's worried that she'll be judged unfairly for her lifestyle and doesn't want to be subjected to that. My relationship with my parents has been weakened over time and for the longest time I attributed it to my wife being right about them but now I'm just not so sure, we were always so close before I got married.
Reddit, what do I need to do here? I love this girl and I'm trying to just tune it out and focus on what I can control but it's just so difficult for me to completely get past this feeling that I'm not as important to her as she is to me. I never pictured myself being in a marriage like this and while I want it to work I'm just worried about the future.
