D
Deleted member 4019
Luminary
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2019
- Posts
- 5,754
- Reputation
- 10,831
I know that this is not my blog or my diary. But I am also not forcing anyone to read.
You know, I didn't want to be what I am. I wanted to be a good person. My anal personality (a.k.a. cuzona) made me isolate myself from the world. With that I lost the people I liked the most, except my parents, but they have already lost hope about me. I don't feel well alone, and when I say alone, I mean friends, someone to talk to. It is very difficult to wake up and not have a good reason to be alive.
I lived wonderful times during my life, I had my friends, who were not many, but they talked to me, and I never felt alone. But unfortunately, they have evolved and I have not. They went to the world, and I closed myself off to it. I see you saying that everything for women is easier. No, it's not. In fact, it is not when you do not accept to go over certain values. And that was my choice.
And little by little, everyone left, until they reached the point of having no one. As I said before, I wanted to be a good person. But I can not. I can't socialize, I worry about a lot of things, and that keeps me away from happiness even more, even if it is fleeting happiness. And when night comes it's even sadder. I wish I had someone to talk to, to hug, to look in the eyes.
I have friends on the internet, but I don't want to disturb anyone. I think I am at a point that I am extremely useless to the world. I am not the people I dreamed of being, nor that my family dreamed of nor that my friends wanted. Anyway, it may seem too cliché, but it hurts now more than it has hurt in my entire life. You know, I don't know if there is a God or not, but if there is, I wanted him to understand and forgive me. I don't want to go to hell. I want to sleep forever, rest, and have a good dream forever, without having to wake up and go back to real life.
Thanks to all users who didn't treat me badly, and thanks to those who treated me badly. They made me see how disposable I am. Thanks to my friends from the forum Vic, Luis, Camilla, Bruna, Rafael, Rodrigo, Starke. I love you, but the time has come to make an end of it.
You know, I didn't want to be what I am. I wanted to be a good person. My anal personality (a.k.a. cuzona) made me isolate myself from the world. With that I lost the people I liked the most, except my parents, but they have already lost hope about me. I don't feel well alone, and when I say alone, I mean friends, someone to talk to. It is very difficult to wake up and not have a good reason to be alive.
I lived wonderful times during my life, I had my friends, who were not many, but they talked to me, and I never felt alone. But unfortunately, they have evolved and I have not. They went to the world, and I closed myself off to it. I see you saying that everything for women is easier. No, it's not. In fact, it is not when you do not accept to go over certain values. And that was my choice.
And little by little, everyone left, until they reached the point of having no one. As I said before, I wanted to be a good person. But I can not. I can't socialize, I worry about a lot of things, and that keeps me away from happiness even more, even if it is fleeting happiness. And when night comes it's even sadder. I wish I had someone to talk to, to hug, to look in the eyes.
I have friends on the internet, but I don't want to disturb anyone. I think I am at a point that I am extremely useless to the world. I am not the people I dreamed of being, nor that my family dreamed of nor that my friends wanted. Anyway, it may seem too cliché, but it hurts now more than it has hurt in my entire life. You know, I don't know if there is a God or not, but if there is, I wanted him to understand and forgive me. I don't want to go to hell. I want to sleep forever, rest, and have a good dream forever, without having to wake up and go back to real life.
Thanks to all users who didn't treat me badly, and thanks to those who treated me badly. They made me see how disposable I am. Thanks to my friends from the forum Vic, Luis, Camilla, Bruna, Rafael, Rodrigo, Starke. I love you, but the time has come to make an end of it.
