Methylphenidate
𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘪 𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘨 🚬
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2024
- Posts
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Some of you guys probably know a little bit about my life, but here's a little summary for those who don't:
Im 16 years old, Fat as shit, never had a girlfriend, kissless, subhuman
But now, I have come to the realisation that it is all my fault. All the negative experiences that I have faced in my life was my fault. I could've prevented myself from being rejected by over 30 girls in middle school, if only I decided to take care of myself at the time. Im not speaking for all of you, im talking about myself. The only reason I have a hatred towards women is because of my experiences with them, and all these "bad experiences" with women couldve been prevented by myself. I cant cope anymore, saying "it's muh parents! They couldve fixed my bite whe I was younger! They couldve made me eat less!
"
No nigga, it's your (my) fault. I've been in a cycle of coping my whole life. I hated life since the day I started going to school. I used to cope with mindlessly eating till I can't anymore, while watching some random TV shows to distract my brain from the thoughts about the amount of studying and shit I would've had to do later on in the day. This went on till I changed schools for the first time in primary school. I wasn't able to really "fit in" in the second school, because of the language barrier. I always had a low amount of friends (till the last year if middle school, I'll talk about it later on)
and I honestly didn't really mind at the time. All I wanted was enjoyment/temporary fulfillment. I had almost ADHD like behavior (I wasn't able to focus on anything, eg: if the teacher was teaching some random primary school shit, I would've been playing with my pencil or something, while thinking about something else)
My parents used to beat me as a child, and into my early teen years (The beatings I've gotten were "not as bad" as some others had it, since it's pretty common in India to beat your children {sometimes with sticks} to discipline them)
I had developed some kind of anxiety, where I had this actual voice in my head, telling me things. Eg: I'd be walking on tiled floors, and the voice would tell me that if I stepped on the 4th tile from the right, I would immediately die) so that always kept me in a "fight of flight" mode. I was only 8 years old at this time. The same year, I got molested by one of my classmates, he used to treat me like a woman (he was 8 too) and touch me inappropriately. I had made a thread about this specific incident once, I don't remember when. Anyways, I thought this was normal, and that this is what friends do to each other, so I didn't question it. I changed classes the next year (nobody knows about this incident btw) and this year (4th grade) was actually pretty decent. The anxiety thing was still there, but no more molestation. Life was going fine, till covid hit (6th grade) I realized I could indulge in escapism while the classes were being taken n shit (online)
I forgot how to study, I copied during exams. I learned how to beat my meat. I got obese. Life was shit, honestly, but since I hadn't been self aware at the time (due to isolation, I didn't know that my physical an mental state was fucked up)
I didn't do anything to change the situation I was in. I moved back to my state in the 7th grade (online classes) so I still kept wasting my time, not doing anything, just full on Ldaring the whole year. 2 years, if I include the former year. I was an insane rotter for my age ngl.
Now, this was my stats at the time:
•Fat as shit
•Non nt (I hadnt talked to ngas my age in 2 yrs, and especially not in my own language, because state change)
•Insane gooner (6-8 times a day)
•Addicted to eating slop(I still am)
•Insane skin pigmentation (shitty skin colour, giant failo in curryland)
So, when the online classes ended, I was a boneless, shitskinned, obese nigger subhuman who was also 5'3
It was basically over before it (classes) started. I soon realised that everyone in my class (8th grade) had connections with females. Even some subhumans had girlfriends because they were lean and had lighter skin. It was GIGA OVER. EVERY SINGLE FEMALE ACTED LIKE I DIDN'T EVEN EXIST. I USED TO GET SUBHUMAN COMMENTS TO MY FACE (THEY CALLED ME WEIRD, CREEPY ETC)
Ultra giga subhuman life. 0 friends too (since new school) it was hell. Then I realised that if I just jestermaxxed, people would give me attention and be friends with me. So I full on jestermaxxed and intentionally made people laugh at me. They all literally thought I was mentally retarded, even the teachers. Niggas used me for entertainment purposes (not as a friend). But at the end of the day, no one truly realised what I was going through, which deluded me into thinking that my life was actually getting better. Women started to pay attention to me (laugh at me). I once got beaten up by my "friends" for accidentally "touching" (I accidentally moved her table) a foid. They forcefully tried to take off my pants n sheit. Insane stuff. But like the cuck I was, I didn't try to fight back. I was still a fat, addicted loser. I finally realised that this whole jestermaxxing thing was ruining my life. I realised I literally had 0 friends. No one really liked me. I had like 20 crushes in this time span, and the brutal rejections I faced from women didn't really help, at all. Although, I kept on going, thinking one day, id have friends. It took 2 years but people started getting closer to me, and I did actually make friends. I was still a fat subhuman so I didn't really enjoy life outside of hanging out with my friends. I kept them so close to my heart the whole time but most of those niggas didn't even care about me now that I think about it. The story of my oneitis is even more brutal, but I don't want to talk about it, and this thread is getting too long, so I'll just get to the point.
Its all my fault. All the shit experiences I've had (there are MANY more than the ones I wrote about) are due to my own lack of self respect and discipline. I cannot bear to keep going like this, as an undisciplined subhuman nigga. Im leaving this site, hopefully forever, and actually experience life the way I think im supposed to. Peace.
Im 16 years old, Fat as shit, never had a girlfriend, kissless, subhuman
But now, I have come to the realisation that it is all my fault. All the negative experiences that I have faced in my life was my fault. I could've prevented myself from being rejected by over 30 girls in middle school, if only I decided to take care of myself at the time. Im not speaking for all of you, im talking about myself. The only reason I have a hatred towards women is because of my experiences with them, and all these "bad experiences" with women couldve been prevented by myself. I cant cope anymore, saying "it's muh parents! They couldve fixed my bite whe I was younger! They couldve made me eat less!
"No nigga, it's your (my) fault. I've been in a cycle of coping my whole life. I hated life since the day I started going to school. I used to cope with mindlessly eating till I can't anymore, while watching some random TV shows to distract my brain from the thoughts about the amount of studying and shit I would've had to do later on in the day. This went on till I changed schools for the first time in primary school. I wasn't able to really "fit in" in the second school, because of the language barrier. I always had a low amount of friends (till the last year if middle school, I'll talk about it later on)
and I honestly didn't really mind at the time. All I wanted was enjoyment/temporary fulfillment. I had almost ADHD like behavior (I wasn't able to focus on anything, eg: if the teacher was teaching some random primary school shit, I would've been playing with my pencil or something, while thinking about something else)
My parents used to beat me as a child, and into my early teen years (The beatings I've gotten were "not as bad" as some others had it, since it's pretty common in India to beat your children {sometimes with sticks} to discipline them)
I had developed some kind of anxiety, where I had this actual voice in my head, telling me things. Eg: I'd be walking on tiled floors, and the voice would tell me that if I stepped on the 4th tile from the right, I would immediately die) so that always kept me in a "fight of flight" mode. I was only 8 years old at this time. The same year, I got molested by one of my classmates, he used to treat me like a woman (he was 8 too) and touch me inappropriately. I had made a thread about this specific incident once, I don't remember when. Anyways, I thought this was normal, and that this is what friends do to each other, so I didn't question it. I changed classes the next year (nobody knows about this incident btw) and this year (4th grade) was actually pretty decent. The anxiety thing was still there, but no more molestation. Life was going fine, till covid hit (6th grade) I realized I could indulge in escapism while the classes were being taken n shit (online)
I forgot how to study, I copied during exams. I learned how to beat my meat. I got obese. Life was shit, honestly, but since I hadn't been self aware at the time (due to isolation, I didn't know that my physical an mental state was fucked up)
I didn't do anything to change the situation I was in. I moved back to my state in the 7th grade (online classes) so I still kept wasting my time, not doing anything, just full on Ldaring the whole year. 2 years, if I include the former year. I was an insane rotter for my age ngl.
Now, this was my stats at the time:
•Fat as shit
•Non nt (I hadnt talked to ngas my age in 2 yrs, and especially not in my own language, because state change)
•Insane gooner (6-8 times a day)
•Addicted to eating slop(I still am)
•Insane skin pigmentation (shitty skin colour, giant failo in curryland)
So, when the online classes ended, I was a boneless, shitskinned, obese nigger subhuman who was also 5'3
It was basically over before it (classes) started. I soon realised that everyone in my class (8th grade) had connections with females. Even some subhumans had girlfriends because they were lean and had lighter skin. It was GIGA OVER. EVERY SINGLE FEMALE ACTED LIKE I DIDN'T EVEN EXIST. I USED TO GET SUBHUMAN COMMENTS TO MY FACE (THEY CALLED ME WEIRD, CREEPY ETC)
Ultra giga subhuman life. 0 friends too (since new school) it was hell. Then I realised that if I just jestermaxxed, people would give me attention and be friends with me. So I full on jestermaxxed and intentionally made people laugh at me. They all literally thought I was mentally retarded, even the teachers. Niggas used me for entertainment purposes (not as a friend). But at the end of the day, no one truly realised what I was going through, which deluded me into thinking that my life was actually getting better. Women started to pay attention to me (laugh at me). I once got beaten up by my "friends" for accidentally "touching" (I accidentally moved her table) a foid. They forcefully tried to take off my pants n sheit. Insane stuff. But like the cuck I was, I didn't try to fight back. I was still a fat, addicted loser. I finally realised that this whole jestermaxxing thing was ruining my life. I realised I literally had 0 friends. No one really liked me. I had like 20 crushes in this time span, and the brutal rejections I faced from women didn't really help, at all. Although, I kept on going, thinking one day, id have friends. It took 2 years but people started getting closer to me, and I did actually make friends. I was still a fat subhuman so I didn't really enjoy life outside of hanging out with my friends. I kept them so close to my heart the whole time but most of those niggas didn't even care about me now that I think about it. The story of my oneitis is even more brutal, but I don't want to talk about it, and this thread is getting too long, so I'll just get to the point.
Its all my fault. All the shit experiences I've had (there are MANY more than the ones I wrote about) are due to my own lack of self respect and discipline. I cannot bear to keep going like this, as an undisciplined subhuman nigga. Im leaving this site, hopefully forever, and actually experience life the way I think im supposed to. Peace.
