It’s insane the power parents have over your life

[TheMewingBBC]

Not just looks but the state of mind too

Fourth grade was when my mentality peaked lol. I was getting physically and verbally abused at home and bullied at school which isn’t uncommon among children of immigrants. Every kid yearn for validation and attention, and mid way through third grade I figured I could get it by being highly competitive. By fourth grade I became the most popular kid in school. I was athletic, excelled academically, good at drawing, acting and singing, always had a fresh lineup and hairstyle. Didn’t inherit or learned any of that from my parents, but from observing others and psychotically practicing to perfection in my free time. During this time girls were asking me out and I was the one doing the rejection, we’re talking about the popular girls. But after this age nothing was the same.

So what the fuck happened? The abuse at home ramped up and several adverse childhood experiences was added:

-My parents separated

- Started coming to school with visible marks on my body, mom got real creative with her choice of punishment

- was told so often by my mom how she wish I wasn’t born which looking back was her way taking her hatred of my dad on us after separation

- got bullied at school because my parents stopped buying popular brands and got unknown name brands (in black schools keeping up with the trends is important) and if I saved enough money (which I got from hustling, never got an allowance) to buy name brands or borrowed any from friends it would get thrown away and I would get punished.

- was socially isolated and was discouraged from communicating with other kids, wasn’t allow to play sports or even video games. In high school coach came to my bitch ass mother begging to join the program and that it wouldn’t cost me anything and she refused.

- Was constantly starved and at various points in my adolescence was malnourished and developed BDD.

-Was constantly moved in my teens so I didn’t have any stable friends and lived with abusive relatives who would also beat me and beat their wives too.

-Couldn’t defend myself, because if I did even if I was in the right, I would get physically punished and starved. Was told to turn the cheek instead of defending myself.

-sent to a military school in a third world country against my will. This is when my depression peaked, the cultural shock and the inability to adapt was overwhelming.

And many more I don’t feel comfortable sharing. My ACE score is a 7. I rebelled against all of those circumstances but after a while it got physically and emotionally exhausting and I just submitted. I was forced to be a lonely emotionless nerd and became depressed and suicidal because of the unnecessary ceiling placed over me. My childhood was stripped from me. Some times I was depraved of validation that I would act out in a pathetic manner for attention I wasn’t getting at home. As time went by I developed severe dissociation habits like maladaptive daydreaming and an addiction to porn and random browsing to cope with the reality. I still get burst of that fire I had which is why I found some success but it’s inconsistent and it’s definitely far from what I believe my full potential is

Competitiveness, charisma, extroversion, and confidence are the traits I had at a young age that would translate to self satisfaction today if it wasn’t coercively suppressed over time. Every now and then I can’t help to think what if I grew up in a stable environment where those traits were further encouraged instead of being suppressed. Today, I’m still struggling with PTSD, BDD, social anxiety, porn addiction, depression and maladaptive daydreaming but I’ve gotten improvement from months of therapy, self medication and meditation. I’m a 6’3 bbc with a six pack and six figure net worth, THERES NO FUCKING NEED FOR ME TO BE THIS FUCKING AUTISTIC!!

I want my self esteem, competitiveness and willpower back. I was contemplating stacking on adderall, Dexedrine, light opioids like Kratom and performance enhancer like roids and sarms but @Seth Walsh i saw where u advocated against adderall and recommended 9mebc and Bromantane. Can u expand on that? Also given the context I provide and considering you have a history with antidepressants what your opinion?

Anybody with a history using Wellbutrin? I’m contemplating on experimenting with it, the fucking doc keep recommending ssri but I don’t want to feel like a contempt zombie, tbh the whole libido issue is the least of my concern. I found a Parnate source but I’m not sure if this is what’s best for me long term. Any other antidepressant that doesn’t make me a contempt bitch and can actually motivate me?

 

[TheMewingBBC]

Oh shit my bad for the essay, didn’t think it would be this long lol

 

[Yliaster]

I call bullshit on the bit where you said " girls were asking me out and I was the one doing the rejection, we’re
talking about the popular girls." other than that I empathize with all of the other abusive stuff you've been through.
Wish you the best brother

 

[RAITEIII]

I read because you're statusmaxxed otherwise no way in hell I'd read smth like this.

The parents pill sometimes goes under the radar. You learn, and you might be learning the wrong things. And your brain might be developing the wrong way, giving the result of mental illneses.

If I was to be honest. Happyness could heal you. Now, what do you call happiness? What's nowday bothering you? What can you do? There's a lot of introspection needed. It reads as if you actually have a bitter taste from your past, which is more than reasonable with such background. Allow yourself to feel the pain, experience it. And remember that it's just a step of the process. Once you are exposed to this pain and it no longer has as much power over you, then you feel like you can own your losses, and you feel like you can go on trying new things.

My wish is that you get to a good state before it's too late. Certain levels of oldceldom are much more difficult to adresss.

May you find wisdom gentleman


Regards,

R

 

[TheMewingBBC]

I call bullshit on the bit where you said " girls were asking me out and I was the one doing the rejection, we’re
talking about the popular girls."

Nope, I got asked out at least six times that year. I was athletic and fresh during this period and this was the time I ranked high on the social hierarchy. I wasn’t mature as the girls asking me out as this was before/at the start of my puberty so that why I rejected them, nothing wrong with them and I wasn’t picky just low key scared of a relationship with them then lol

other than that I empathize with all of the other abusive stuff you've been through.
Wish you the best brother

Thanks

I read because you're statusmaxxed otherwise no way in hell I'd read smth like this.

The parents pill sometimes goes under the radar. You learn, and you might be learning the wrong things. And your brain might be developing the wrong way, giving the result of mental illneses.

If I was to be honest. Happyness could heal you. Now, what do you call happiness? What's nowday bothering you? What can you do? There's a lot of introspection needed. It reads as if you actually have a bitter taste from your past, which is more than reasonable with such background. Allow yourself to feel the pain, experience it. And remember that it's just a step of the process. Once you are exposed to this pain and it no longer has as much power over you, then you feel like you can own your losses, and you feel like you can go on trying new things.

My wish is that you get to a good state before it's too late. Certain levels of oldceldom are much more difficult to adresss.

May you find wisdom gentleman


Regards,

R

Thanks

 

[fukmylyf]

it all starts in the home. Good thread. I can relate to a lot of your experiences, but typing it out would require a book. My family were narcs and always put me through hell at the most critical points in my life. Worst part is all those years I truly thought I was the problem because of all the gaslighting and manipulation. And the people I attract into my life are often similar to them. Hope we can recover and start our own families one day

 

[TheMewingBBC]

If I was to be honest. Happyness could heal you. Now, what do you call happiness?

Thought about this long enough. I definitely don’t want to die with regrets, I want to live life to the fullest. I don’t believe in a God nor do I believe in an afterlife, when the lights off it’s lights out forever. So life may be meaningless with eternal oblivion awaiting us at the end of the road, but at the very least I should enjoy the journey on said road. So what is happiness to me? The sense of freedom, exercising freedom, and impacting lives around me for the better

What's nowday bothering you?

Constantly ruminating about the past, a behavioral trait learned from my parents and relatives. I’m trying to overcome the excess worrying and live my ideal life

Also fear of judgement have shackles on me. This is indeed the hardest to overcome but I need to stop the bitching in my head about what others would think if I truly want to become free

What can you do?

Shit I’m doing the best I can now surpass them

There's a lot of introspection needed. It reads as if you actually have a bitter taste from your past, which is more than reasonable with such background. Allow yourself to feel the pain, experience it.

I’ve been doing this unconsciously for a year now. The flashbacks aren’t as rage inducing as it was last year or the years before but it’s still prominent. I’ll trust the process tho

 

[RichardSpencel]

I call bullshit on the bit where you said " girls were asking me out and I was the one doing the rejection, we’re
talking about the popular girls." other than that I empathize with all of the other abusive stuff you've been through.
Wish you the best brother

I lost all empathy for OP when I read how he was pursued by all the popular girls,I would fight in the bloodiest battle if it meant I could have a girlfriend

 

[Deleted member 17920]

i vented to my dad how he fucked my life indirectly

I didn’t say it was his fault but i kinda pointed at it tbh

i feel bad tbh

 

[TheMewingBBC]

I lost all empathy for OP when I read how he was pursued by all the popular girls,I would fight in the bloodiest battle if it meant I could have a girlfriend

Okay I don’t meant “all popular girls” lol I believe there were around 30 girls in our grade and two of them that asked me out I can confidently say we’re in the top 7-8, with one of them being a top 3

Spoiler

lol at me reminiscing and ranking girls from the fourth grade I’m down bad lol

 

[Psychophilly]

same tbh except we were poor af too. i still managed to be popular but no girls cuz schools are gender separated in this shithole.
i feel suicidal af when i think about it, if i was in west i would probably slay a lot in high school and college due to being popular. instead i just had bunch of male friends who made me smoke cigars and weed and get addicted.

 

[RichardSpencel]

Okay I don’t meant “all popular girls” lol I believe there were around 30 girls in our grade and two of them that asked me out I can confidently say we’re in the top 7-8, with one of them being a top 3

Spoiler

lol at me reminiscing and ranking girls from the fourth grade I’m down bad lol

I was just joking,but mirin you ranking the girls from primary school based and jbpilled

At least you went through all that stuff and got out definitely don’t do ssri,maybe some form of nootropics that @Seth Walsh recommends

 

[mug]

yeah my parents divorced when i was 10 from that point on it was rare to be with my dad except for visits... my mom isnt capable os raising 3 boys so she'd frequently vent and i felt verbally abused...i graduated highschool barely and am living with my dad and in just a year of his positive reinforcement (my mom would always insult me) led me to losing 20 lbs, getting a job and drivers license. others helped too but i cant believe the impact of living with my father has has on me... feminism is bs and thats only seen when one has experienced being raised under an "independant woman"

 

[MoggerGaston]

Very relatable childhood, esp with the divorcing parents directing their hate towards eachother onto you.
I remember also so often fighting against it, but around 14yo it became too much and i submitted. I take a lot of abuse still and often act powerless as if i am still that same child.

Idk how to fix it. Its like u say u get these spurts of motivation but the constant effort takes a toll on you mentally and you end up dropping into unproductive, unhappy holes again for longer time periods.

Ive never tried welbutrin, only lexapro and it did nothing for me. Another ssri. But welbutrin works slightly diff apparently. If u end up trying it out id love to hear your experience with it.
Im currently sticking with self administered ketamine therapy.

 

[TheMewingBBC]

yeah my parents divorced when i was 10 from that point on it was rare to be with my dad except for visits... my mom isnt capable os raising 3 boys so she'd frequently vent and i felt verbally abused...i graduated highschool barely and am living with my dad and in just a year of his positive reinforcement (my mom would always insult me) led me to losing 20 lbs, getting a job and drivers license. others helped too but i cant believe the impact of living with my father has has on me... feminism is bs and thats only seen when one has experienced being raised under an "independant woman"

I’m scared for the increased population of boys growing up in a single mother household, especially if they are “overprotective” and abusive. I’m hearing about instances where single moms try their hardest to hide children away from their father, as if society hasn’t suffered from effect deadbeat fathers who are absent in their kids’ lives

Very relatable childhood, esp with the divorcing parents directing their hate towards eachother onto you.
I remember also so often fighting against it, but around 14yo it became too much and i submitted. I take a lot of abuse still and often act powerless as if i am still that same child.

Idk how to fix it. Its like u say u get these spurts of motivation but the constant effort takes a toll on you mentally and you end up dropping into unproductive, unhappy holes again for longer time periods.

Ive never tried welbutrin, only lexapro and it did nothing for me. Another ssri. But welbutrin works slightly diff apparently. If u end up trying it out id love to hear your experience with it.
Im currently sticking with self administered ketamine therapy.

I self medicate with ketamine too. Are you noticing any progress?

 

[Seth Walsh]

Not just looks but the state of mind too

Fourth grade was when my mentality peaked lol. I was getting physically and verbally abused at home and bullied at school which isn’t uncommon among children of immigrants. Every kid yearn for validation and attention, and mid way through third grade I figured I could get it by being highly competitive. By fourth grade I became the most popular kid in school. I was athletic, excelled academically, good at drawing, acting and singing, always had a fresh lineup and hairstyle. Didn’t inherit or learned any of that from my parents, but from observing others and psychotically practicing to perfection in my free time. During this time girls were asking me out and I was the one doing the rejection, we’re talking about the popular girls. But after this age nothing was the same.

So what the fuck happened? The abuse at home ramped up and several adverse childhood experiences was added:

-My parents separated

- Started coming to school with visible marks on my body, mom got real creative with her choice of punishment

- was told so often by my mom how she wish I wasn’t born which looking back was her way taking her hatred of my dad on us after separation

- got bullied at school because my parents stopped buying popular brands and got unknown name brands (in black schools keeping up with the trends is important) and if I saved enough money (which I got from hustling, never got an allowance) to buy name brands or borrowed any from friends it would get thrown away and I would get punished.

- was socially isolated and was discouraged from communicating with other kids, wasn’t allow to play sports or even video games. In high school coach came to my bitch ass mother begging to join the program and that it wouldn’t cost me anything and she refused.

- Was constantly starved and at various points in my adolescence was malnourished and developed BDD.

-Was constantly moved in my teens so I didn’t have any stable friends and lived with abusive relatives who would also beat me and beat their wives too.

-Couldn’t defend myself, because if I did even if I was in the right, I would get physically punished and starved. Was told to turn the cheek instead of defending myself.

-sent to a military school in a third world country against my will. This is when my depression peaked, the cultural shock and the inability to adapt was overwhelming.

And many more I don’t feel comfortable sharing. My ACE score is a 7. I rebelled against all of those circumstances but after a while it got physically and emotionally exhausting and I just submitted. I was forced to be a lonely emotionless nerd and became depressed and suicidal because of the unnecessary ceiling placed over me. My childhood was stripped from me. Some times I was depraved of validation that I would act out in a pathetic manner for attention I wasn’t getting at home. As time went by I developed severe dissociation habits like maladaptive daydreaming and an addiction to porn and random browsing to cope with the reality. I still get burst of that fire I had which is why I found some success but it’s inconsistent and it’s definitely far from what I believe my full potential is

Competitiveness, charisma, extroversion, and confidence are the traits I had at a young age that would translate to self satisfaction today if it wasn’t coercively suppressed over time. Every now and then I can’t help to think what if I grew up in a stable environment where those traits were further encouraged instead of being suppressed. Today, I’m still struggling with PTSD, BDD, social anxiety, porn addiction, depression and maladaptive daydreaming but I’ve gotten improvement from months of therapy, self medication and meditation. I’m a 6’3 bbc with a six pack and six figure net worth, THERES NO FUCKING NEED FOR ME TO BE THIS FUCKING AUTISTIC!!

I want my self esteem, competitiveness and willpower back. I was contemplating stacking on adderall, Dexedrine, light opioids like Kratom and performance enhancer like roids and sarms but @Seth Walsh i saw where u advocated against adderall and recommended 9mebc and Bromantane. Can u expand on that? Also given the context I provide and considering you have a history with antidepressants what your opinion?

Anybody with a history using Wellbutrin? I’m contemplating on experimenting with it, the fucking doc keep recommending ssri but I don’t want to feel like a contempt zombie, tbh the whole libido issue is the least of my concern. I found a Parnate source but I’m not sure if this is what’s best for me long term. Any other antidepressant that doesn’t make me a contempt bitch and can actually motivate me?

Yo brother. I feel you with the PTSD, I have that shit bad. And I also know the feeling of parents (specially mom) taking shit out on you and basically controlling your mood. It's real.

First thing I wanna shut you down on is any thoughts of roids, kratom, self medicating etc. I don't know how bad it is with your family atm or how little they support you, but the way to ascend in life is to basically avoid all copes that lead to a period of wasted years where you're just pretty much wasting life. Those copes are the worst. You see guys in their late 20s or 30s with real passions and interests deep inside working warehouse jobs and coping with drugs or alcohol or mugh social circle made up of incel sportscel friends who are really just people they cope with and carry out their addictions.

You are very sharp and have a good head on your shoulders. Idk what your dream career is but I suppose it's something finance based? When things get very hard, things may seem impossible in the future. But the first thing you need to NOT do is look for drugs especially self-medding.

And unironically see a psychiatrist and talk to them. You are open and don't give a shit, same as me. Things got a lot better for me in life since I joined the forum. Trying a ton of drugs is something I don't recommend and I try to leave feedback from all the drugs/compounds I ever took so others don't need to waste money, time and risk the effects. My situation with parents wasn't as bad as you but my dad is distant and unmotivated, my mom was always worried, even when I was trying my best and doing well.

To your mom, only the end result will make her normal. She can't understand how hard it is in the world today and you need to understand that too. I went through college, a masters and finally got my dream career and it's not until recently that she worries less.

You need to always work towards what you are truly inspired by and where your true interests are. I think getting on some dopaminergics (prescribed by a psychiatrist or doc will help you the most). Ritalin and those type of drugs just put you into a state of mind where all copes die and you adapt a "if I don't do this or get to the next stage, I literally die, there's no other choice" type thing.

SSRIs are absolute dogshit and will ruin your life, not because of the sexual dysfunction but because they rip your motivation and will to actually save your life. To improve your situation your self awareness needs to be fucking through the roof.

I'm still living at home but my goal is to move out in 1-2 years. That should be everyone's long term goal imo. Parents just don't understand how things now and they say "they want the best for you" - which is true, but they just don't know what to do so they panic, make you feel like shit instead of taking rational action to help your situation.

Situation and circumstance is everything but just remember it can be changed, but you gotta act like a self learning AI that eliminates copes by the minute, all day every day. You will feel better when you are working toward something. But a trap guys fall into is thinking gymcelling or working on their online website is "improving". And people may feel like they have no other choice and that it will work out for them long term.

Real truth is: You need to somehow get the financing to go through college and get qualifications then start your career before it is too late. All else is cope. The best your parents can do for you is help with finance. They cannot understand your situation, it's the same with all parents.

Yeah I was on Wellbutrin 150mg and 300mg until summer 2020. It helped a lot. It's a kind of "get-up-and-go" drug. I started on the higher dose then went down until I finally felt I didn't need it anymore.

As for bromantane, 9mebc etc.. Forget about them.. 9mebc was weird as hell and made my skin breakout. Bromantane is more of a luxury drug with subtle effects but imo the best you can do is see a psych and get him/her to put you on some psychostims.. Concerta/Ritalin or both is what you should hopefully be prescribed, because those are easy to get off. (source: 3.5 years straight on high dose of both and got off).

You can see I spent a lot of time in 2019-2020 on psychostims posting rambling on here. But that's how they make you. They don't make you high IQ, they just make you curious and ambitious about how you can learn how to not waste/ruin your life. Imo they helped me the most. I was even on Wellbutrin and methylphenidate at one stage. I don't regret the time I wasted here. Maybe I got lucky in the end too, or maybe I worked really hard and didn't cope as much as others IRL in terms of getting to a place where I was no longer worried for my life.

PTSD is real but time with other experiences help alleviate it. If you start working or if you already are, make sure to work in person and don't fall for the remotework meme. Your social skills won't be the same as others but other people will inspire you and mold you, which is an amazing feeling. And that changes you. A root of the problem most of the forum has is wasting time coping and not interacting with new people IRL enough or at all. The 2020s are a hard time for men to find new social opportunity, and that's what everyone should be looking for. You either know deep down if you have the skill and drive to achieve a career that you love. And you should live life trying to progress your life toward that.

Feel free to PM if you wanna talk ever.

 

[robtical]

Not to mention family structure. It prob is worse for foids though

 

[Seth Walsh]

The parents pill sometimes goes under the radar. You learn, and you might be learning the wrong things. And your brain might be developing the wrong way, giving the result of mental illneses.

I've been saying for some time that the NEETpill totally destroys lives. A lot of people who are NEETs just cope with social drinking with "friends" - then guys in that friend group get GFs or good careers and it's last man standing until the remaining people realise they were coping with alcohol for their whole 20s.

Some people are more fortunate than others for sure. But I can tell MewingBBC doesn't have a low IQ. And IQ is genetic to a huge extent. It's true that high IQ people don't waste their time with copes and can find solutions to treat other deficiencies, be it looks, education or lack thereof, mental health problems etc...

I am sure @TheMewingBBC will improve his life. He is on the side where he knows he cannot waste time coping. That's enough imo. Just need to make sure you're using your time and not making rationalisations for inaction. Do everything you need to do to live a life you will enjoy - then your parents won't be a burden anymore. But things will be hard, you need to find a way to not let troubles beat you down. Psychostims are perfect for making you extremely motivated, but make sure to spend a lot of time on productive things - by that I don't mean Hamza type shit, but stuff like getting a Uni degree in a field you love, applying for a job/career and mapping out your path from there.

MewingBBC has skills and intelligence and the end goal is to get the necessary qualifications and find an employer that believes in him and basically invests in him for the future by onboarding him and allowing him to have a stable career where his skills can be deployed.

From there, independence comes, confidence comes, the PTSD allieviates, you get busier... That's just life.






Just don't waste time on unproductive copes that lead you nowhere I guess.

 

[PrinceLuenLeoncur]

T

Not just looks but the state of mind too

Fourth grade was when my mentality peaked lol. I was getting physically and verbally abused at home and bullied at school which isn’t uncommon among children of immigrants. Every kid yearn for validation and attention, and mid way through third grade I figured I could get it by being highly competitive. By fourth grade I became the most popular kid in school. I was athletic, excelled academically, good at drawing, acting and singing, always had a fresh lineup and hairstyle. Didn’t inherit or learned any of that from my parents, but from observing others and psychotically practicing to perfection in my free time. During this time girls were asking me out and I was the one doing the rejection, we’re talking about the popular girls. But after this age nothing was the same.

So what the fuck happened? The abuse at home ramped up and several adverse childhood experiences was added:

-My parents separated

- Started coming to school with visible marks on my body, mom got real creative with her choice of punishment

- was told so often by my mom how she wish I wasn’t born which looking back was her way taking her hatred of my dad on us after separation

- got bullied at school because my parents stopped buying popular brands and got unknown name brands (in black schools keeping up with the trends is important) and if I saved enough money (which I got from hustling, never got an allowance) to buy name brands or borrowed any from friends it would get thrown away and I would get punished.

- was socially isolated and was discouraged from communicating with other kids, wasn’t allow to play sports or even video games. In high school coach came to my bitch ass mother begging to join the program and that it wouldn’t cost me anything and she refused.

- Was constantly starved and at various points in my adolescence was malnourished and developed BDD.

-Was constantly moved in my teens so I didn’t have any stable friends and lived with abusive relatives who would also beat me and beat their wives too.

-Couldn’t defend myself, because if I did even if I was in the right, I would get physically punished and starved. Was told to turn the cheek instead of defending myself.

-sent to a military school in a third world country against my will. This is when my depression peaked, the cultural shock and the inability to adapt was overwhelming.

And many more I don’t feel comfortable sharing. My ACE score is a 7. I rebelled against all of those circumstances but after a while it got physically and emotionally exhausting and I just submitted. I was forced to be a lonely emotionless nerd and became depressed and suicidal because of the unnecessary ceiling placed over me. My childhood was stripped from me. Some times I was depraved of validation that I would act out in a pathetic manner for attention I wasn’t getting at home. As time went by I developed severe dissociation habits like maladaptive daydreaming and an addiction to porn and random browsing to cope with the reality. I still get burst of that fire I had which is why I found some success but it’s inconsistent and it’s definitely far from what I believe my full potential is

Competitiveness, charisma, extroversion, and confidence are the traits I had at a young age that would translate to self satisfaction today if it wasn’t coercively suppressed over time. Every now and then I can’t help to think what if I grew up in a stable environment where those traits were further encouraged instead of being suppressed. Today, I’m still struggling with PTSD, BDD, social anxiety, porn addiction, depression and maladaptive daydreaming but I’ve gotten improvement from months of therapy, self medication and meditation. I’m a 6’3 bbc with a six pack and six figure net worth, THERES NO FUCKING NEED FOR ME TO BE THIS FUCKING AUTISTIC!!

I want my self esteem, competitiveness and willpower back. I was contemplating stacking on adderall, Dexedrine, light opioids like Kratom and performance enhancer like roids and sarms but @Seth Walsh i saw where u advocated against adderall and recommended 9mebc and Bromantane. Can u expand on that? Also given the context I provide and considering you have a history with antidepressants what your opinion?

Anybody with a history using Wellbutrin? I’m contemplating on experimenting with it, the fucking doc keep recommending ssri but I don’t want to feel like a contempt zombie, tbh the whole libido issue is the least of my concern. I found a Parnate source but I’m not sure if this is what’s best for me long term. Any other antidepressant that doesn’t make me a contempt bitch and can actually motivate me?

Tldr: but my dad went through the same thing, this story I have heard so many times. It seems new world bbc mothers are shit @ parenting, Carib parents and AA are equally shit @ their jobs @ least the low class ones are

 

[robtical]

T

Tldr: but my dad went through the same thing, this story I have heard so many times. It seems new world bbc mothers are shit @ parenting, Carib parents and AA are equally shit @ their jobs @ least the low class ones are

Most modern women are shit @ parenting. Not to mention even dad. But the mums are def worse

 

[TheMewingBBC]

Yo brother. I feel you with the PTSD, I have that shit bad. And I also know the feeling of parents (specially mom) taking shit out on you and basically controlling your mood. It's real.

First thing I wanna shut you down on is any thoughts of roids, kratom, self medicating etc. I don't know how bad it is with your family atm or how little they support you, but the way to ascend in life is to basically avoid all copes that lead to a period of wasted years where you're just pretty much wasting life. Those copes are the worst. You see guys in their late 20s or 30s with real passions and interests deep inside working warehouse jobs and coping with drugs or alcohol or mugh social circle made up of incel sportscel friends who are really just people they cope with and carry out their addictions.

You are very sharp and have a good head on your shoulders. Idk what your dream career is but I suppose it's something finance based? When things get very hard, things may seem impossible in the future. But the first thing you need to NOT do is look for drugs especially self-medding.

And unironically see a psychiatrist and talk to them. You are open and don't give a shit, same as me. Things got a lot better for me in life since I joined the forum. Trying a ton of drugs is something I don't recommend and I try to leave feedback from all the drugs/compounds I ever took so others don't need to waste money, time and risk the effects. My situation with parents wasn't as bad as you but my dad is distant and unmotivated, my mom was always worried, even when I was trying my best and doing well.

To your mom, only the end result will make her normal. She can't understand how hard it is in the world today and you need to understand that too. I went through college, a masters and finally got my dream career and it's not until recently that she worries less.

You need to always work towards what you are truly inspired by and where your true interests are. I think getting on some dopaminergics (prescribed by a psychiatrist or doc will help you the most). Ritalin and those type of drugs just put you into a state of mind where all copes die and you adapt a "if I don't do this or get to the next stage, I literally die, there's no other choice" type thing.

SSRIs are absolute dogshit and will ruin your life, not because of the sexual dysfunction but because they rip your motivation and will to actually save your life. To improve your situation your self awareness needs to be fucking through the roof.

I'm still living at home but my goal is to move out in 1-2 years. That should be everyone's long term goal imo. Parents just don't understand how things now and they say "they want the best for you" - which is true, but they just don't know what to do so they panic, make you feel like shit instead of taking rational action to help your situation.

Situation and circumstance is everything but just remember it can be changed, but you gotta act like a self learning AI that eliminates copes by the minute, all day every day. You will feel better when you are working toward something. But a trap guys fall into is thinking gymcelling or working on their online website is "improving". And people may feel like they have no other choice and that it will work out for them long term.

Real truth is: You need to somehow get the financing to go through college and get qualifications then start your career before it is too late. All else is cope. The best your parents can do for you is help with finance. They cannot understand your situation, it's the same with all parents.

Yeah I was on Wellbutrin 150mg and 300mg until summer 2020. It helped a lot. It's a kind of "get-up-and-go" drug. I started on the higher dose then went down until I finally felt I didn't need it anymore.

As for bromantane, 9mebc etc.. Forget about them.. 9mebc was weird as hell and made my skin breakout. Bromantane is more of a luxury drug with subtle effects but imo the best you can do is see a psych and get him/her to put you on some psychostims.. Concerta/Ritalin or both is what you should hopefully be prescribed, because those are easy to get off. (source: 3.5 years straight on high dose of both and got off).

You can see I spent a lot of time in 2019-2020 on psychostims posting rambling on here. But that's how they make you. They don't make you high IQ, they just make you curious and ambitious about how you can learn how to not waste/ruin your life. Imo they helped me the most. I was even on Wellbutrin and methylphenidate at one stage. I don't regret the time I wasted here. Maybe I got lucky in the end too, or maybe I worked really hard and didn't cope as much as others IRL in terms of getting to a place where I was no longer worried for my life.

PTSD is real but time with other experiences help alleviate it. If you start working or if you already are, make sure to work in person and don't fall for the remotework meme. Your social skills won't be the same as others but other people will inspire you and mold you, which is an amazing feeling. And that changes you. A root of the problem most of the forum has is wasting time coping and not interacting with new people IRL enough or at all. The 2020s are a hard time for men to find new social opportunity, and that's what everyone should be looking for. You either know deep down if you have the skill and drive to achieve a career that you love. And you should live life trying to progress your life toward that.

Feel free to PM if you wanna talk ever.

I appreciate your advice and will act on it immediately. I will try to get a prescription again, got denied a few months back by this oldcel African psychiatrist who seemed to ignore half of the concerns I expressed to him so I went out my way to get stimulants off the dark web, I barely take them though

Never planned on using any of the drugs I’ve taken for recreational use but as experimental aids in changing my somewhat hopeless outlook in life and dissociating from the trauma. It was my way of opening and cleaning the wound and something I felt was necessary in moving forward to actualize my goals. It’s a fucking battle though, especially when I comes to confidence and having a decent level of self esteem. Sometimes I find myself in a desirable situation and I start to question whether I’m worthy to be there and end up retreating. 90% of the times its either I still feel like that broke, starving kid growing up or I make the success I had over the past 3 years in the markets my whole personality in a very cocky manner. I can say I overcame some neurotic traits and my mood is more stable now than it was a year ago but I still yearn for that willpower for growth and self improvement I had at one point

Like you said, no more copes. There is no substance im currently dependent on but… porn man . See, I can go three days without porn but when I relapse I RELAPSE fucking bad. Like I probably masturbated six times in the 24 hours leading up to this thread. And sometimes I deviate from the vanilla genres and get off on something hardcore like a girl getting fisted by someone foot or some shit. Porn is my primary means of stress relief and I can waste hours in a day just browsing porn especially after relapsing. I know there’s no other way around it other than nofap

 

[RAITEIII]

Lately I've been telling myself to face the future. And don't hide from it. It's gonna get yo you anyway so u might as well be best prepared.

 

[Crusile]

Anybody with a history using Wellbutrin? I’m contemplating on experimenting with it, the fucking doc keep recommending ssri but I don’t want to feel like a contempt zombie, tbh the whole libido issue is the least of my concern. I found a Parnate source but I’m not sure if this is what’s best for me long term. Any other antidepressant that doesn’t make me a contempt bitch and can actually motivate me?

Maybe snri and sam-e or snri and ssri (combined is important). Addera;ll and kratom is the most retarded idea ever I would bet on a <5% success rate

 

[TheMewingBBC]

Maybe snri and sam-e or snri and ssri (combined is important).

What’s sam-e?

Addera;ll and kratom is the most retarded idea ever I would bet on a <5% success rate

Ngl I was pretty productive and motivated as shit on low dose kratom and 20mg of addy combined but ofc long term there’s some health risks.

 

[Crusile]

THEMEWINGBBC NEEDS SUPPORT.

I tried but I cant think of *especially good* advice for your situation, its very difficult. Id emphasise not using drugs like kratom but maybe you have to. Although,, going through a serious drug addiction phase can theoretically improve your brain function because its like going through a DANGEROUS near death experience, i wouldnt recommend.
Your best option is to try many sri types drugs, many have different mechanisms of action, you might have to try several. DONT GIVE UP!
Maybe hypnotherapy too .

 

[BrahminBoss]

how u doing nigga

 

[TheMewingBBC]

how u doing nigga

Doing aight. Ngl I made this estrogenic thread during withdrawals, I just got to keep my head up and learn as many high status and high value skills as I can while maintaining looks, so should everyone

 

[Pride]

Not just looks but the state of mind too

Fourth grade was when my mentality peaked lol. I was getting physically and verbally abused at home and bullied at school which isn’t uncommon among children of immigrants. Every kid yearn for validation and attention, and mid way through third grade I figured I could get it by being highly competitive. By fourth grade I became the most popular kid in school. I was athletic, excelled academically, good at drawing, acting and singing, always had a fresh lineup and hairstyle. Didn’t inherit or learned any of that from my parents, but from observing others and psychotically practicing to perfection in my free time. During this time girls were asking me out and I was the one doing the rejection, we’re talking about the popular girls. But after this age nothing was the same.

So what the fuck happened? The abuse at home ramped up and several adverse childhood experiences was added:

-My parents separated

- Started coming to school with visible marks on my body, mom got real creative with her choice of punishment

- was told so often by my mom how she wish I wasn’t born which looking back was her way taking her hatred of my dad on us after separation

- got bullied at school because my parents stopped buying popular brands and got unknown name brands (in black schools keeping up with the trends is important) and if I saved enough money (which I got from hustling, never got an allowance) to buy name brands or borrowed any from friends it would get thrown away and I would get punished.

- was socially isolated and was discouraged from communicating with other kids, wasn’t allow to play sports or even video games. In high school coach came to my bitch ass mother begging to join the program and that it wouldn’t cost me anything and she refused.

- Was constantly starved and at various points in my adolescence was malnourished and developed BDD.

-Was constantly moved in my teens so I didn’t have any stable friends and lived with abusive relatives who would also beat me and beat their wives too.

-Couldn’t defend myself, because if I did even if I was in the right, I would get physically punished and starved. Was told to turn the cheek instead of defending myself.

-sent to a military school in a third world country against my will. This is when my depression peaked, the cultural shock and the inability to adapt was overwhelming.

And many more I don’t feel comfortable sharing. My ACE score is a 7. I rebelled against all of those circumstances but after a while it got physically and emotionally exhausting and I just submitted. I was forced to be a lonely emotionless nerd and became depressed and suicidal because of the unnecessary ceiling placed over me. My childhood was stripped from me. Some times I was depraved of validation that I would act out in a pathetic manner for attention I wasn’t getting at home. As time went by I developed severe dissociation habits like maladaptive daydreaming and an addiction to porn and random browsing to cope with the reality. I still get burst of that fire I had which is why I found some success but it’s inconsistent and it’s definitely far from what I believe my full potential is

Competitiveness, charisma, extroversion, and confidence are the traits I had at a young age that would translate to self satisfaction today if it wasn’t coercively suppressed over time. Every now and then I can’t help to think what if I grew up in a stable environment where those traits were further encouraged instead of being suppressed. Today, I’m still struggling with PTSD, BDD, social anxiety, porn addiction, depression and maladaptive daydreaming but I’ve gotten improvement from months of therapy, self medication and meditation. I’m a 6’3 bbc with a six pack and six figure net worth, THERES NO FUCKING NEED FOR ME TO BE THIS FUCKING AUTISTIC!!

I want my self esteem, competitiveness and willpower back. I was contemplating stacking on adderall, Dexedrine, light opioids like Kratom and performance enhancer like roids and sarms but @Seth Walsh i saw where u advocated against adderall and recommended 9mebc and Bromantane. Can u expand on that? Also given the context I provide and considering you have a history with antidepressants what your opinion?

Anybody with a history using Wellbutrin? I’m contemplating on experimenting with it, the fucking doc keep recommending ssri but I don’t want to feel like a contempt zombie, tbh the whole libido issue is the least of my concern. I found a Parnate source but I’m not sure if this is what’s best for me long term. Any other antidepressant that doesn’t make me a contempt bitch and can actually motivate me?

reading this seemed like reading an alternate timeline of my own life,

peaked in 4th grade had multiple popular girls wanting me, most athletic in my grade top 3 in the school for sure, i was confident, extroverted, borderline arragant, charismatic and smart.

Fell off 8th grade after a full year of online school did not speak to a single girl irl or online for over a 1 besides my mom

came back freshman year, no longer played basketball or did track anymore, had no status, redpilled retard with a 2.8 gpa.

Besides the abuse its insane how this is literally me. I maladaptive daydream all the fucking time almost every single day for 20+ minutes at the very least, i deal with porn addiction, mom basically ruined several of my friendships and stopped me from making new ones. Greatful for getting blackpilled when i was going into my sophmore year idk where i would be if i did not looksmax and find this forum tbh

 

[Latinus]

Enviroment is everything. My mom was very lovely to me my whole life, but also very overprotective, I wish she had made me more independent in certain fields of life at an earlier age, so that I wouldn't face some embarassing moments.

 

[polishman]

having a six pack means you're malnourished