Its over

[VHD]

I always think I want to be nice to people and make friends
But then I quickly realize I don't actually enjoy talking to people and it's just a chore. I think I want to make friends but then I realize I don't actually genuinely and on an emotional level care
I've ghosted so many guys. Ghosted so many gals
I'm just an asocial freak who doesn't actually enjoy socializing with people

 

[GhostBoySwag]

But why make friends then, I mean I understand to not be seen as the weird kid but stop making new friends and talk to girls to avoid this

 

[Mess]

Find people you like to be around
You won't get on wit everyone my guy

 

[VHD]

But why make friends then, I mean I understand to not be seen as the weird kid but stop making new friends and talk to girls to avoid this

That's what I'm doing 90% of time.
But then once in a while I think "Hey, humans are a social animal. You are supposed to have connections with people. You should at least try"

And then when I try I realize I don't actually care about other people. It's terrible. On one hand I know rationally that people need to socialize. Being "asocial" is a cope for everyone, they are just weirdos that nobody else likes and they argue that they are "asocial" as a cope to convince themselves that they are in control. Same way people say they are "volcels" to cope that they are in control of their sexless loser existence.

But then after I hype myself up with the above, after I start socializing with people, I quickly find myself having no motivation to keep it going. I've made so many false promises to guys and girls because I don't actually care on an deep emotional level in the end. I think I want friends and a girlfriend but in the end I don't actually have the drive or care.

Is the whole "you need socialization" shtick just a lie? I keep thinking it's true but my subconscious and actions keep disagreeing with this notion.

 

[VHD]

You won't get on wit everyone my guy

From my experience I don't get on with almost anybody
There's been like one person I actually liked "getting on" with.
And that person went complete mentally ill schizo and is unrecognizable now