Vermilioncore
life in turmoil
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2019
- Posts
- 77,159
- Reputation
- 145,658
yakstan
* Junior
Lounge member
35 minutes ago
I literally cannot look at women without getting a feeling a mixed anger, sadness, and jealously. Part of me wants to be them (I’m not trans, but you know what I mean) and part of me just wants to just.. loose it. I cant take it. I’ve never been asked out by a girl or had any sexual encounters with a woman my entire 23 years of living and it’s come to the point where I can get a semi just looking at some middle aged woman just trying to get olives at Target.
It has sent me almost into this spiral of self loathing and blaming myself, but also blaming the entirety of the female raсe because of their lack of self awareness.
It’s come to a point where I don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t want to look at pornography to increase the chances where I just loose control and attack or rаpe a woman on the street. I’m better than that and I know it. No matter how much I hate them, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I could never attack or hurt someone no matter how much they infuriate me.
But I had to find some medium to use to help get myself off.
Therefore- I started getting off to gay Pοrn or just pictures of effeminate men. (Not nail polish, wigged, makeup type of effeminacy, but just.. pretty skinny white boys.)
Part of me feels wrong for doing this. and don’t get me wrong, I don’t really care for the LGBT community. It doesn’t affect my life. But I know I am not gay, not bisexual- I’ve never had a romantic interest for any men in my entire life and never will.
I figure that the only reason I’m getting off to the pictures and videos is genuinely just because I feel aroused at the sense that I actually have control over myself, my life, and what I want.
I don’t wanna fuck men. I don’t even think of them in that way in my spare time.
But it’s the only way I can get off without catering to the temptations I have.
* Junior
Lounge member
35 minutes ago
- #1
I literally cannot look at women without getting a feeling a mixed anger, sadness, and jealously. Part of me wants to be them (I’m not trans, but you know what I mean) and part of me just wants to just.. loose it. I cant take it. I’ve never been asked out by a girl or had any sexual encounters with a woman my entire 23 years of living and it’s come to the point where I can get a semi just looking at some middle aged woman just trying to get olives at Target.
It has sent me almost into this spiral of self loathing and blaming myself, but also blaming the entirety of the female raсe because of their lack of self awareness.
It’s come to a point where I don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t want to look at pornography to increase the chances where I just loose control and attack or rаpe a woman on the street. I’m better than that and I know it. No matter how much I hate them, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I could never attack or hurt someone no matter how much they infuriate me.
But I had to find some medium to use to help get myself off.
Therefore- I started getting off to gay Pοrn or just pictures of effeminate men. (Not nail polish, wigged, makeup type of effeminacy, but just.. pretty skinny white boys.)
Part of me feels wrong for doing this. and don’t get me wrong, I don’t really care for the LGBT community. It doesn’t affect my life. But I know I am not gay, not bisexual- I’ve never had a romantic interest for any men in my entire life and never will.
I figure that the only reason I’m getting off to the pictures and videos is genuinely just because I feel aroused at the sense that I actually have control over myself, my life, and what I want.
I don’t wanna fuck men. I don’t even think of them in that way in my spare time.
But it’s the only way I can get off without catering to the temptations I have.
