fogdart
'Bones' is psl cope. NT + sex appeal is everything
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2020
- Posts
- 5,257
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I feel really stupid. I’m 22 and while I’ve never had sex or a relationship, I’m not like a fedora wearing neckbeard who hates women. I have loads of friends who are women, I dress pretty well, I look a lot better now than my ugly duckling high school years, etc. For some reason though, probably from being such a late bloomer, I’ve just never had a girl in real life look at or talk about me in that way. I get tinder matches and all that stuff, but it never really leads anywhere and just feels pointless and hollow.
When I’m paying for a girls onlyfans and you’re getting content like messages, pics and videos, ratings, telling you how attractive you are and how much they want to fuck you, etc., it may be completely fake, but it’s the closest I’ve ever had to having someone express feeling that way about me. It sounds so stupid; deep down I know it’s not real, that I’m paying a girl just to tell me all the things I want to hear, but I’ve went 22 (almost 23 years) without a single soul telling me similar things and honestly it kinda fucks with me. I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me or something.
So to have someone tell you otherwise, that they want you, etc. it feels amazing. At the time I suppose. Then it’s all over and your left with your thoughts and you feel dirty and stupid and used for your money until the next time rolls around and your horny and desperate enough to hear those things from anyone that you’ll do it all over again. It comes so easy for other people, the majority of people by this age have had SOMEONE be attracted to them and want to be with them (I’ve made out with 3 girls and only 1 was really genuine, and all of them were fuelled by a lot of alcohol). For a little bit it makes me feel wanted and noticed, but I feel like a fucking loser for it too afterwards, and I know getting false validation as a crutch for real connection is gonna stop me looking for something real long-term, but it’s been so long that it feels like I’ll just never find that and this is the best I’ll get. I just feel so lonely man, and I can’t believe this is the level it has got to. I’m no better than the dudes in comedies who pay a sex worker just to give them a hug to feel wanted for a little while lmfao.
When I’m paying for a girls onlyfans and you’re getting content like messages, pics and videos, ratings, telling you how attractive you are and how much they want to fuck you, etc., it may be completely fake, but it’s the closest I’ve ever had to having someone express feeling that way about me. It sounds so stupid; deep down I know it’s not real, that I’m paying a girl just to tell me all the things I want to hear, but I’ve went 22 (almost 23 years) without a single soul telling me similar things and honestly it kinda fucks with me. I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me or something.
So to have someone tell you otherwise, that they want you, etc. it feels amazing. At the time I suppose. Then it’s all over and your left with your thoughts and you feel dirty and stupid and used for your money until the next time rolls around and your horny and desperate enough to hear those things from anyone that you’ll do it all over again. It comes so easy for other people, the majority of people by this age have had SOMEONE be attracted to them and want to be with them (I’ve made out with 3 girls and only 1 was really genuine, and all of them were fuelled by a lot of alcohol). For a little bit it makes me feel wanted and noticed, but I feel like a fucking loser for it too afterwards, and I know getting false validation as a crutch for real connection is gonna stop me looking for something real long-term, but it’s been so long that it feels like I’ll just never find that and this is the best I’ll get. I just feel so lonely man, and I can’t believe this is the level it has got to. I’m no better than the dudes in comedies who pay a sex worker just to give them a hug to feel wanted for a little while lmfao.
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