D
Deleted member 2275
Zephir
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2019
- Posts
- 1,841
- Reputation
- 2,589
Mainly making this thread to have something to look back at when I reach my goal, to get a sense of where I was at mentally. Go next if you don't want to read an exposition. Although most of you retards tear each other down and spread bullshit psuedoscience so maybe a story that could be relatable for some of you is what this board needs.
I'm 19 going on 20, 5'10, 240lbs, and a spic. I've pretty much been overweight my entire life. I got a nice flappy FUPA around the second grade, and have maintained it since. Thinnest I was when I was in eighth grade, at around 5'9, 175lbs~, which was still roughly 30lbs~ overweight when I compared myself to friends who were roughly the same build as me at the time.
Over the course of highschool I gained about 20-30lbs up to around 200-205lbs. After entering college and getting into a (self-diagnosed) depression, I ballooned up to about 240lbs, the heaviest I've ever been, and where I'm at right now.
I've missed out on so many oppurtunities because of my self consciousness.
I remember one of the most rage inducing moments (now that I look back at it) was during my freshman year of highschool. I had been beta orbiting my oneitis for about a year. It culminated in me asking her out after hyping myself up (keep in mind this girl was pretty much a PSL 8 while being a petite light skinned girl in spicland so she was pretty much the holy grail while I was sitting at around a PSL 4, she also hadn't had any sexual experience so literally holy grail) but due to me pretty much hating myself sbout my weight / face, I basically freaked the fuck out when she said yes thinking it had to be a prank or that I was getting played, and told her nevermind and basically ghosted her.
I see her around on social media and pretty much only chads (relative to spicland) get to fuck her.
Little (and big) shit like that has happened to me my entire formative life, in regards to friendships, relationships, extra curriculars, oppurtunities, etc, all due to my self consciousness that stems from my weight.
I remember my mom consoling me when I was in the third grade getting ready for my first day of school in the morning because I was too fat to tie my own shoes while sitting on her bed and trying to reach over was hurting my stretch marks, making me cry.
And it all culminated in me being where I'm at today.
Unironically a kissless, handholdless virgin still fapping to highschool twitter and facebook pictures while being (unofficially) clincally obese. With quite literally not a single friend while also hating my family, even my mother to an extent. I can go literally days without saying a single word because I have no friends and don't like my family.
I've tried to lose weight in the past, but weak will and complaceny pretty much let me get to where I am today.
I've been lurking/commenting on these boards for around 2 months now, constantly telling myself I'll lose weight later, after I focus on other maxxs, etc. But I've finally started with my Auschwitzmaxx and stopped the bullshit excuses.
I'm calling it an Auschwitzmaxx (If you see this term thrown around later give me credit because as far as I know no one has used it before) because typically when someone is recommended to cut, the secondary advice is to lift while doing it.
Not me.
Being overweight, I've basically idealized and almost fetishized the generic lanklet stick body that people have when they're growing up my entire life. No fat, no muscle.
I want the satisfaction of being nothing but but a skinny lanklet, of seeing definition while having nothing to define, of going from a stick to a natty gymcel veteran. The things I missed out on growing up.
So I told myself that if I don't at least like something about my life after graduating college in two years I'll just kill myself with the 1911 my uncle has in his open drawer, I even made a note already just in case I fail.
So I've begun my Auschwitzmaxx. I'm on day 4 right now at about 1600 calories in conjunction with intermittent fasting, just eating whatever I want as long as I'm under that calorie number.
Does all of this stem from dissatisfaction with my childhood and possibly mental illness? Maybe. Will I fuck up my hormones semi permanently and feel like shit? Maybe.
But I just kind of need this right now, since I have literally nothing to look forward to in my life right now.
Maybe I'll do an update in however long it takes to finish this maxx, I don't know. Got full body nudes from all sides and literally every part of my body has had a picture taken, just to compare.
Hopefully you all that read until the end got something from this, but like I said, this was mainly for me.
I'm 19 going on 20, 5'10, 240lbs, and a spic. I've pretty much been overweight my entire life. I got a nice flappy FUPA around the second grade, and have maintained it since. Thinnest I was when I was in eighth grade, at around 5'9, 175lbs~, which was still roughly 30lbs~ overweight when I compared myself to friends who were roughly the same build as me at the time.
Over the course of highschool I gained about 20-30lbs up to around 200-205lbs. After entering college and getting into a (self-diagnosed) depression, I ballooned up to about 240lbs, the heaviest I've ever been, and where I'm at right now.
I've missed out on so many oppurtunities because of my self consciousness.
I remember one of the most rage inducing moments (now that I look back at it) was during my freshman year of highschool. I had been beta orbiting my oneitis for about a year. It culminated in me asking her out after hyping myself up (keep in mind this girl was pretty much a PSL 8 while being a petite light skinned girl in spicland so she was pretty much the holy grail while I was sitting at around a PSL 4, she also hadn't had any sexual experience so literally holy grail) but due to me pretty much hating myself sbout my weight / face, I basically freaked the fuck out when she said yes thinking it had to be a prank or that I was getting played, and told her nevermind and basically ghosted her.
I see her around on social media and pretty much only chads (relative to spicland) get to fuck her.
Little (and big) shit like that has happened to me my entire formative life, in regards to friendships, relationships, extra curriculars, oppurtunities, etc, all due to my self consciousness that stems from my weight.
I remember my mom consoling me when I was in the third grade getting ready for my first day of school in the morning because I was too fat to tie my own shoes while sitting on her bed and trying to reach over was hurting my stretch marks, making me cry.
And it all culminated in me being where I'm at today.
Unironically a kissless, handholdless virgin still fapping to highschool twitter and facebook pictures while being (unofficially) clincally obese. With quite literally not a single friend while also hating my family, even my mother to an extent. I can go literally days without saying a single word because I have no friends and don't like my family.
I've tried to lose weight in the past, but weak will and complaceny pretty much let me get to where I am today.
I've been lurking/commenting on these boards for around 2 months now, constantly telling myself I'll lose weight later, after I focus on other maxxs, etc. But I've finally started with my Auschwitzmaxx and stopped the bullshit excuses.
I'm calling it an Auschwitzmaxx (If you see this term thrown around later give me credit because as far as I know no one has used it before) because typically when someone is recommended to cut, the secondary advice is to lift while doing it.
Not me.
Being overweight, I've basically idealized and almost fetishized the generic lanklet stick body that people have when they're growing up my entire life. No fat, no muscle.
I want the satisfaction of being nothing but but a skinny lanklet, of seeing definition while having nothing to define, of going from a stick to a natty gymcel veteran. The things I missed out on growing up.
So I told myself that if I don't at least like something about my life after graduating college in two years I'll just kill myself with the 1911 my uncle has in his open drawer, I even made a note already just in case I fail.
So I've begun my Auschwitzmaxx. I'm on day 4 right now at about 1600 calories in conjunction with intermittent fasting, just eating whatever I want as long as I'm under that calorie number.
Does all of this stem from dissatisfaction with my childhood and possibly mental illness? Maybe. Will I fuck up my hormones semi permanently and feel like shit? Maybe.
But I just kind of need this right now, since I have literally nothing to look forward to in my life right now.
Maybe I'll do an update in however long it takes to finish this maxx, I don't know. Got full body nudes from all sides and literally every part of my body has had a picture taken, just to compare.
Hopefully you all that read until the end got something from this, but like I said, this was mainly for me.
