zerotohero
5K Posts and Counting
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- May 2, 2022
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This is it. I’ve hit the lowest point of my life. Mentally, emotionally, socially. I don’t think it’s even possible to go lower than this. I’ve been an incel my whole adult life. I’m 24 and I feel like I’m still 17 inside. Socially stunted, emotionally underdeveloped, stuck in a loop of depression and failure I never asked for.
I cold approach once every couple months and always get rejected. Always. I try to push myself to get out there, but what for? Just to get told “no” again like I’m invisible? I’ve been blocked by girls for the most trivial shit. Not even because I did anything horrible, just because I’m awkward, too intense, or sent a message at the wrong time. That’s all it takes to burn a bridge forever.
I’ve lived with depression since I was a literal child. Suicidal thoughts since age 10. No real happiness. No self-love. I’ve never truly liked myself, never felt proud of anything I’ve done. I’ve wasted years of my life trying to fix myself and I’m still in the same position. I’m 7 years behind my peers in life, and every day that passes widens the gap.
My ADHD makes it almost impossible to focus. I want to study something like business or finance, but I can’t even sit down and be productive like a normal person. Every attempt feels like I’m running with a broken leg while everyone else is sprinting past me. I see people younger than me building lives, getting degrees, finding love. And I’m here, in my head, spiraling.
Some days I feel absolutely crushed. Other days I feel numb. Then once in a while, like today, I feel something else. Like maybe this is the bottom. Maybe there’s nothing left to lose. And maybe that’s exactly what I need to go up.
I’ve tried being the victim. I’ve cried, begged, ranted, fapped my dopamine away, wasted hours online, envied everyone living a life I can’t touch. None of it helped. So maybe now’s the time to stop moaning. Maybe now’s the time to rebuild from zero.
I don’t know if I’ll ever ascend. I don’t know if I’ll ever get the girl or the degree or the life I want. But I do know that where I am right now is hell. And if I don’t start climbing, this is where I’ll rot.
So yeah, I’ve hit rock bottom. But that means the only direction left… is up.
I cold approach once every couple months and always get rejected. Always. I try to push myself to get out there, but what for? Just to get told “no” again like I’m invisible? I’ve been blocked by girls for the most trivial shit. Not even because I did anything horrible, just because I’m awkward, too intense, or sent a message at the wrong time. That’s all it takes to burn a bridge forever.
I’ve lived with depression since I was a literal child. Suicidal thoughts since age 10. No real happiness. No self-love. I’ve never truly liked myself, never felt proud of anything I’ve done. I’ve wasted years of my life trying to fix myself and I’m still in the same position. I’m 7 years behind my peers in life, and every day that passes widens the gap.
My ADHD makes it almost impossible to focus. I want to study something like business or finance, but I can’t even sit down and be productive like a normal person. Every attempt feels like I’m running with a broken leg while everyone else is sprinting past me. I see people younger than me building lives, getting degrees, finding love. And I’m here, in my head, spiraling.
Some days I feel absolutely crushed. Other days I feel numb. Then once in a while, like today, I feel something else. Like maybe this is the bottom. Maybe there’s nothing left to lose. And maybe that’s exactly what I need to go up.
I’ve tried being the victim. I’ve cried, begged, ranted, fapped my dopamine away, wasted hours online, envied everyone living a life I can’t touch. None of it helped. So maybe now’s the time to stop moaning. Maybe now’s the time to rebuild from zero.
I don’t know if I’ll ever ascend. I don’t know if I’ll ever get the girl or the degree or the life I want. But I do know that where I am right now is hell. And if I don’t start climbing, this is where I’ll rot.
So yeah, I’ve hit rock bottom. But that means the only direction left… is up.
