Aviddegree40571
Epstein's son
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2024
- Posts
- 3,477
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Thread theme:
Youd be rotting here still.
This is the same as woman saying if i "was a man id be-" rotting on looksmax.org bitch cause you would be a 18 yo 5'7 baldcel.
The only path to salvation is becoming one of them. As the famous quote goes: "if you can't beat them, join them".
Chat gpt:
---
The Lonely White Guy Who Became a Happy Jew (But Not Without a Fight)
Once upon a time there was this guy, let's call him Bradley.
Bradley was terminally white. Like, "mayonnaise on Wonder Bread" white.
His hobbies included microwaving frozen chicken nuggets, doomscrolling dating apps, and feeling an undefined sense of dread every time someone asked, “How’s life?”
One day, Bradley hit a new low. He was eating gas station sushi in his Honda Civic at 2 A.M., watching TikToks of people having better lives. That’s when he saw a video: a bunch of Jewish grandmas arguing violently over the best way to make brisket — and somehow, it felt... holy.
These people, Bradley thought, they're alive.
He fell into a weird rabbit hole: Kabbalah mysticism, Seinfeld reruns, Woody Allen movies (before it got weird), Passover seders with fifteen courses and twenty arguments.
He was hooked.
At first, he thought he could just vibe into Judaism, like downloading a new personality pack. Nope.
Turns out, converting is basically like applying to Harvard — but with more guilt and way better snacks. Rabbis grilled him harder than a McDonald's patty:
"Why do you want to be Jewish? Are you sure? Seriously, are you sure?"
They made him study ancient laws, memorize blessings, even sit through three-hour synagogue services where the singing was beautiful — and also vaguely threatening.
And still... Bradley loved it.
He loved that Judaism wasn’t about being perfect — it was about wrestling with God, losing, and laughing about it over bagels. He loved that sadness was baked into the system, but so was radical, defiant joy.
The final test? A ritual circumcision.
Now, Bradley already had the necessary equipment modification, but tradition still required a ceremonial drop of blood.
He fainted. Twice. Woke up. Asked if there was a discount punch card for this.
When it was all done, he got a new Hebrew name — Baruch — which means "blessed." And for the first time in his life, Bradley (sorry, Baruch) actually believed it.
Now he spends Fridays lighting candles, eating way too much challah, and arguing fiercely with people he loves about things that don’t even matter.
He’s still lonely sometimes — that’s life — but now, he knows it’s not the end of the story. It’s just another chapter in a very, very old book.
This is mostly for @JeanneDArcAlter cause i got the idea to make this because of his thread.
Youd be like @fr0st jeanne.
Youd be rotting here still.
This is the same as woman saying if i "was a man id be-" rotting on looksmax.org bitch cause you would be a 18 yo 5'7 baldcel.
The only path to salvation is becoming one of them. As the famous quote goes: "if you can't beat them, join them".
Chat gpt:
---
The Lonely White Guy Who Became a Happy Jew (But Not Without a Fight)
Once upon a time there was this guy, let's call him Bradley.
Bradley was terminally white. Like, "mayonnaise on Wonder Bread" white.
His hobbies included microwaving frozen chicken nuggets, doomscrolling dating apps, and feeling an undefined sense of dread every time someone asked, “How’s life?”
One day, Bradley hit a new low. He was eating gas station sushi in his Honda Civic at 2 A.M., watching TikToks of people having better lives. That’s when he saw a video: a bunch of Jewish grandmas arguing violently over the best way to make brisket — and somehow, it felt... holy.
These people, Bradley thought, they're alive.
He fell into a weird rabbit hole: Kabbalah mysticism, Seinfeld reruns, Woody Allen movies (before it got weird), Passover seders with fifteen courses and twenty arguments.
He was hooked.
At first, he thought he could just vibe into Judaism, like downloading a new personality pack. Nope.
Turns out, converting is basically like applying to Harvard — but with more guilt and way better snacks. Rabbis grilled him harder than a McDonald's patty:
"Why do you want to be Jewish? Are you sure? Seriously, are you sure?"
They made him study ancient laws, memorize blessings, even sit through three-hour synagogue services where the singing was beautiful — and also vaguely threatening.
And still... Bradley loved it.
He loved that Judaism wasn’t about being perfect — it was about wrestling with God, losing, and laughing about it over bagels. He loved that sadness was baked into the system, but so was radical, defiant joy.
The final test? A ritual circumcision.
Now, Bradley already had the necessary equipment modification, but tradition still required a ceremonial drop of blood.
He fainted. Twice. Woke up. Asked if there was a discount punch card for this.
When it was all done, he got a new Hebrew name — Baruch — which means "blessed." And for the first time in his life, Bradley (sorry, Baruch) actually believed it.
Now he spends Fridays lighting candles, eating way too much challah, and arguing fiercely with people he loves about things that don’t even matter.
He’s still lonely sometimes — that’s life — but now, he knows it’s not the end of the story. It’s just another chapter in a very, very old book.
@loyolaxavvierretard @albanianblackguy @ToryToad
This is mostly for @JeanneDArcAlter cause i got the idea to make this because of his thread.
Youd be like @fr0st jeanne.
