JFL YOUR 1600's WIFE IS FUCKING A DEAD BODY OVER YOU

[thegrayone]

Spoiler: DNR

Tldr: Story on true adams dead body that washed up on shore and all the foids fell for him and this whole ass area including multiple villages changed their entire society over a unknown, random, DEACEASED guy just because his godly smv.

This deadass might as well have really happened with all the halo effect, coping, and hypergamy featured.
We got this packet in my english class The Handsomest Drowned Man in the World. It like takes place back in the day, like think of villages, women stayed at home, and the men went out to fish for food.
This is the story quoted and summarized for your entertainment:

The men who carried him to the nearest house noticed that he weighed more than any dead man they had ever known, almost as much as a horse, and they said to each other that maybe he'd been floating too long, and the water had got into his bones. When they laid him on the floor they said he'd been taller than all other men because there was barely enough room for him in the house, but they thought that maybe the ability to keep on growing after death was part of the nature of certain drowned men.

Dead guy washes ashore, huge btw. All the guys are coping that it's not genetics it's just 'seawater' and 'growing after death' there's no way they could be getting frame-mogged into oblivion.

They noticed too that he bore his death with pride, for he did not have the lonely look of other drowned men who came out of the sea or that haggard, needy look of men who drowned in rivers. But only when they finished cleaning him off did they become aware of the kind of man he was and it left them breathless. Not only was he the tallest, strongest, most virile, and best built man they had ever seen, but even though they were looking at him there was no room for him in their imagination.

The men leave to see if anyone from neighboring villages were missing and the women stay to clean up the body. Already start fantasizing the dead man, of course. AND hes dead but somehow, he drowned better than everyone else ever.

They thought that if that magnificent man had lived in the village, his house would have had the widest doors, the highest ceiling, and the strongest floor, his bedstead would have been made from a midship frame held together by iron bolts, and his wife would have been the happiest woman.

The women start making burial clothes because he is too big for anything they have in the village, water take.

They thought that he would have had so much authority that he could have drawn fish out of the sea simply by calling their names and that he would have put so much work into his land that springs would have burst forth from among the rocks so that he would have been able to plant flowers on the cliffs.

They secretly compared him to their own men, thinking that for all their lives theirs were incapable of doing what he could do in one night, and they ended up dismissing them deep in their hearts as the weakest, meanest and most useless creatures on earth.

NGA IS DEAD THEY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HIM OTHER THAN HIS PHYSICAL APPEARANCE!!! So, these girls have seen this rotting corpse for less than a day and already decided in their hearts that their husbands who they have been with for x number of years is immediately useless and worthless, compared to the value of a dead guy solely because he is Chad.

the drowned man was becoming all the more Esteban for them, and so they wept so much, for he was the more destitute, most peaceful, and most obliging man on earth, poor Esteban. So when the men returned with the news that the drowned man was not from the neighboring villages either, the women felt an opening of jubilation in the midst of their tears. 'Praise the Lord,' they sighed, 'he's ours!'

Basically, they start feeling bad for Chad because he was too big for everyday life, of course, wherever he was from he was definitely accommodated for.

Then they kept delaying with more things to do before sending him back to sea, until eventually they had this grand ceremony being held and were getting people from all over to come join.

it was not his fault that he was so big or so heavy or so handsome

Only sympathy a foid can feel btw.

At the final moment it pained them to return him to the waters as an orphan and they chose a father and mother from among the best people, and aunts and uncles and cousins, so that through him all the inhabitants of the village became kinsmen.

from then on, that their houses would have wider doors, higher ceilings, and stronger floors so that Esteban's memory could go everywhere without bumping into beams and so that no one in the future would dare whisper the big boob finally died, too bad, the handsome fool has finally died, because they were going to paint their house fronts gay colors to make Esteban's memory eternal

This is what happens when a Chad back in their time died i guess, they were like rarer or something too I'm pretty sure.
Like Chads are so deserving of love and respect by society that even in death they are more human than you lol.
This was written by a man also, holy cuck.

 

[3pslnoharmony]

Yeah sure cool story bud Dnr

 

[thegrayone]

Yeah sure cool story bud Dnr

I had a tldr