just got insanely energetycally/physically hurt

_MVP_

_MVP_

c crime unless 5th gear possible
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i came to smoke some to the room and i said "i am rey del mundo" (i am king of the world) (and i suspect this triggered/hurt that foid energetically because what happened then is, the foid said "c'mon mvp, say it, say somehing, say it, say something etc and i idiot have tried to really think hard what to say and said something but that overclocked my brain so hard that i felt terrible pain during and after the conversation

so what i learned is:

when someone wants a reaction from you, when someone tries to force you to say something dont give a reaction to them, or only say what u feel like or dont answer at all or say no lust , dont try to come up with something to say when its hard, thats why i truly hate interview situations. avoid going over your limits, dont overwhelm yourself.
what i learned 2 is to avoid humans altogether irl since they can hurt you with words

i took 2 metamizols now and the pain is getting less

that was truly a HUGE lesson for me, i also learned to never get out of my comfort zone
 
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as a general rule humans hurt me with talking, i lose large amounts of energy when someone is talking to me irl, worst are interview-like situations and being asked questions and being requested to say something etc, so better avoid it altogether.
 
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its about knowing all my strengths and weakness and acting accordingly
 
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i think i will sacrifice my talking skills, i will never be good at it, so i will not need that skill ever, fuck it.
im autistic, neurodiverse, its truly over. i realized talking is a major weakness of me, i am worse than 99% of people my age at talking.
i will avoid all talking situations.
i will research this topic online too.
 
always act if im the worst ever at talking. thats why im a permavirgin too. my speech-brain-centre is damaged
 
c act as if im the worst ever at talking
 
I’m so glad I’m not this far gone yet
 
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Fuck these beeches man
 
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