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XAYKO
Iron
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2023
- Posts
- 39
- Reputation
- 22
For the longest time I’ve dealt with loneliness that plagued my life and caused depression. I always fantasized about experiencing love and finally holding hands with a girl I loved.
these past 3 weeks, I’ve been going out with a girl from school. She has decent SMV I’d say, she’s tall, blonde, has a nice body dare I say, and she’s decently popular and kind of quiet. She’s grown a great liking to me and we hold hands and kiss and hug when we’ve hung out and I gave her a gift on valentines that she really really liked and she’s obviously infatuated with me.
Here’s the thing: I never really chose her. I never thought she was beautiful (I still told her that I think she is) and I honestly can’t bare to look at some of the pictures she posts. She’s cute when I look at her irl and she has a very soft voice but I just don’t feel that infatuation when we’re not together.
The problem is that I think of her ratios and colouring and how I look for different traits in someone’s face, like striking eyes or whatever. Her main failos are her eye spacing ratio, her colouring (she’s rlly blonde so her eyebrows and eyelashes are too), she has a narrow palate (might just be from braces at a young age), and her jaw and Zygos are a bit wide
She makes me feel incredible about myself and I feel loved and appreciated when we talk, but other times I feel like I’m leading her on and being an asshole — imagining girls doing to me what I’m doing to her makes me want to rope.
Should I keep just keep using her for the way she makes me feel, and allow myself to get more attached? Allow her to alleviate the pain of my loneliness? I know things will end eventually and that’s what’s making me sad. I’m sure it’ll be me who ends things between us. I don’t know if she’s okay with knowing this is temporary or if she actually wants something very long term. I should also mention she doesn’t seem very mentally stable so me leaving after developing such a relationship with her might do very bad things to her. Do I start to lose at one point if my relationship with her stops me from achieving things (relationships) with girls that I actually want?
I literally do like her as well it’s just that I want someone to actually love with all my heart and not be held back by what I think is desirable and what isn’t. Looks matter so much, even when the girl is perfect the slightest failos make me reluctant to be in a relationship with them.
these past 3 weeks, I’ve been going out with a girl from school. She has decent SMV I’d say, she’s tall, blonde, has a nice body dare I say, and she’s decently popular and kind of quiet. She’s grown a great liking to me and we hold hands and kiss and hug when we’ve hung out and I gave her a gift on valentines that she really really liked and she’s obviously infatuated with me.
Here’s the thing: I never really chose her. I never thought she was beautiful (I still told her that I think she is) and I honestly can’t bare to look at some of the pictures she posts. She’s cute when I look at her irl and she has a very soft voice but I just don’t feel that infatuation when we’re not together.
The problem is that I think of her ratios and colouring and how I look for different traits in someone’s face, like striking eyes or whatever. Her main failos are her eye spacing ratio, her colouring (she’s rlly blonde so her eyebrows and eyelashes are too), she has a narrow palate (might just be from braces at a young age), and her jaw and Zygos are a bit wide
She makes me feel incredible about myself and I feel loved and appreciated when we talk, but other times I feel like I’m leading her on and being an asshole — imagining girls doing to me what I’m doing to her makes me want to rope.
Should I keep just keep using her for the way she makes me feel, and allow myself to get more attached? Allow her to alleviate the pain of my loneliness? I know things will end eventually and that’s what’s making me sad. I’m sure it’ll be me who ends things between us. I don’t know if she’s okay with knowing this is temporary or if she actually wants something very long term. I should also mention she doesn’t seem very mentally stable so me leaving after developing such a relationship with her might do very bad things to her. Do I start to lose at one point if my relationship with her stops me from achieving things (relationships) with girls that I actually want?
I literally do like her as well it’s just that I want someone to actually love with all my heart and not be held back by what I think is desirable and what isn’t. Looks matter so much, even when the girl is perfect the slightest failos make me reluctant to be in a relationship with them.