ascension
LARP Detection Expert
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2019
- Posts
- 10,989
- Reputation
- 34,294
So I was on the train to my office yesterday - it was the London underground, so the ceilings are very low. If you're a tall mogger like me, sometimes you can bump your head on the curved ceiling. And alas, it happened again. I dozed off slightly and bumped my head, waking myself up in the process.
"Careful son, wouldn't want to ruin your warrior skull" someone said.
What the fuck, did I just hear "warrior skull" being uttered by someone who isn't an Indian looksmax shitposter? I looked around and saw a man who looked like @Grel Hellscream , smiling at me. "Oh shit bro, are you from the schizomax website?" I asked.
He didn't reply. He brings out a protractor from his bag and holds it up against my gonial angle. Some girls sitting near us start laughing, and say "go call Ramieri" in a mocking tone. I started overheating and could feel my boxers drenched in sweat. @Grel Hellscream replies saying "Yeah, I'm from looksmax. I have a gonial angle requirement to talk to people. If it's below 90 degrees, I don't talk to them. Luckily yours is 95."
Thank fuck. I've already got enough surgeries on my list. "Haha that's good news man, I'm already booked in for a rhino".
Grel laughs, and says "Think you need a bimax too mate, and MSE with 10 mm upper intermolar Teeth Alignment. Then you'll need to fix your dental crowding & mandibular dental arch, with broadening Neurocranial Narrowization. Then finish it off with a 10 counter clockwise width Distraction Osteogenesis procedure. Then you can reach HTN level."
The girls chimed in randomly and said "don't talk to us without getting those surgeries" with a disgusted look on their faces. Fucking whores.
At this point my day was fully ruined, but it was about to get worse. Grel opens up his phone and starts showing me his Bumble results. So many HTB's and a few stacylites too. One of them I would sell my family into slavery just for a 5 minute conversation with. The insane cortisol spike from seeing his results probably knocked 5 years off my lifespan.
I got off the train eventually, and trudged my way to the office, head down, defeated. I was starting with a new department too. I got in, and they were all sat there at a big table waiting for me. "Aha, ascension is here" and they smiled at me. Fake smiles. They asked me to introduce myself.
I stood up, fixed up my suit, and looked at them in the eyes. I paused for a moment. "Hey guys. I'm a sub6 ethnic male living in London in 2023, therefore I'm condemned to a life of suffering till my last breath" and just sat down. The room was silent, everyone shocked. Eventually, the topic of conversation moved on, but I just sat there and didn't talk for the rest of the day. At the end of the day, an ambulance turned up outside the office. 2 men walked out and grabbed me by the wrists. "Off to the mental asylum son. You're too blackpilled. We can't have you learning the truth about life".
They dragged me kicking and screaming into the ambulance, then I felt a needle go into my arm. I drifted off to sleep and have no memory of what happened to me afterwards.
TLDR: It's over.
"Careful son, wouldn't want to ruin your warrior skull" someone said.
What the fuck, did I just hear "warrior skull" being uttered by someone who isn't an Indian looksmax shitposter? I looked around and saw a man who looked like @Grel Hellscream , smiling at me. "Oh shit bro, are you from the schizomax website?" I asked.
He didn't reply. He brings out a protractor from his bag and holds it up against my gonial angle. Some girls sitting near us start laughing, and say "go call Ramieri" in a mocking tone. I started overheating and could feel my boxers drenched in sweat. @Grel Hellscream replies saying "Yeah, I'm from looksmax. I have a gonial angle requirement to talk to people. If it's below 90 degrees, I don't talk to them. Luckily yours is 95."
Thank fuck. I've already got enough surgeries on my list. "Haha that's good news man, I'm already booked in for a rhino".
Grel laughs, and says "Think you need a bimax too mate, and MSE with 10 mm upper intermolar Teeth Alignment. Then you'll need to fix your dental crowding & mandibular dental arch, with broadening Neurocranial Narrowization. Then finish it off with a 10 counter clockwise width Distraction Osteogenesis procedure. Then you can reach HTN level."
The girls chimed in randomly and said "don't talk to us without getting those surgeries" with a disgusted look on their faces. Fucking whores.
At this point my day was fully ruined, but it was about to get worse. Grel opens up his phone and starts showing me his Bumble results. So many HTB's and a few stacylites too. One of them I would sell my family into slavery just for a 5 minute conversation with. The insane cortisol spike from seeing his results probably knocked 5 years off my lifespan.
I got off the train eventually, and trudged my way to the office, head down, defeated. I was starting with a new department too. I got in, and they were all sat there at a big table waiting for me. "Aha, ascension is here" and they smiled at me. Fake smiles. They asked me to introduce myself.
I stood up, fixed up my suit, and looked at them in the eyes. I paused for a moment. "Hey guys. I'm a sub6 ethnic male living in London in 2023, therefore I'm condemned to a life of suffering till my last breath" and just sat down. The room was silent, everyone shocked. Eventually, the topic of conversation moved on, but I just sat there and didn't talk for the rest of the day. At the end of the day, an ambulance turned up outside the office. 2 men walked out and grabbed me by the wrists. "Off to the mental asylum son. You're too blackpilled. We can't have you learning the truth about life".
They dragged me kicking and screaming into the ambulance, then I felt a needle go into my arm. I drifted off to sleep and have no memory of what happened to me afterwards.
TLDR: It's over.
